All Men are Ghosts. L. P. Jacks
he had gone Panhandle resumed:
"We were speaking of the footman. But perhaps it would be wiser to deal with the matter in general terms. I have already said enough to satisfy any reasonable judge of evidence that this is a genuinely haunted house. I have now to add that a doubt may be raised as to who is the haunter and who the haunted."
I sat silent, staring at Panhandle with wide eyes of astonishment, for I had no universe of discourse to which I could relate the strange things I was hearing. He went on:
"From what I have told you already you have no doubt drawn the inference that the ghosts are haunting me. But the ghosts themselves are not of that mind. In their opinion it is I who am haunting them. My first discovery of this, which is destined to revolutionise the whole theory of ghosts, was made under circumstances which I will now relate.
"Many years ago I was seated in the library late one night engaged in writing a report of certain mysterious phenomena which had been observed in this house. I had just completed a copy of the signed evidence of the cook, the gardener, and the housemaid, all of whom had left that day without notice in consequence of something they alleged they had seen. Suddenly I thought I heard a whispered voice from the further side of the room, and looking up I saw seated at a table two beings of human semblance, who were gazing intently in my direction.
"'Do you not see something on yonder chair?' asked one.
"'Yes,' answered the other, 'I certainly see something. Probably a gleam of light. Observe, the curtains are not quite closed, and this is about the time when they turn on the searchlight at the barracks. Draw the curtains close and it will instantly disappear.'
"The speaker went to the window, leaving the other still staring fearfully in my direction. Having closed the curtains, the man returned to his place.
"'By heaven!' he cried, 'the thing is still there!' And I could see the pallor creeping over his face.
"A moment later I heard one of them say, 'It has gone. Well, whatever it was, I have had a shock. I am trembling all over.' And with that he rang the bell.
"Presently a footman appeared with a bottle of spirits and a siphon. Having deposited the tray, he chanced to look towards the place where I was sitting. A piercing cry followed, and the man ran screaming out of the room. The two men also started to their feet and began shouting something I could not hear. I suppose they were calling to some person in the house, for the shouts were quickly followed by the entry of a young fellow of athletic build and truculent countenance.
"'Show me your damned ghost,' he said, 'and I'll soon settle him.'
"'He's over there—in that seat,' cried one. 'For heaven's sake, go up to him, Reginald, and see what he's made of.'
"The truculent youth darted forward, but suddenly came to a dead stop, with a face as white as a sheet. Then with a trembling hand he whipped a revolver out of his pocket, and at five paces fired all six barrels point-blank at my body. At each shot I was aware of a painful feeling in the penumbra of my consciousness, like the sudden awakening of a buried sorrow."
At this point Panhandle paused to relight his cigar, and I took the opportunity to make a remark.
"Count it no grievance," I said, "if one who shoots at psychologists is himself occasionally shot at. I surmise that the truculent youth was the ghost of a promising psychologist, foully murdered by your nefarious gun."
"Name it a righteous execution, and I shall agree," he answered.
"Or it may be," I added, "that many of the sudden and inexplicable pains that break out in our minds and in our bodies are caused by ghosts, or whatever you call them, shooting at us, or stabbing us, to test our reality."
Panhandle turned a keen glance at my face to see if I was serious, and, being satisfied that I was, continued:
"I have heard more unlikely explanations of such pains, and your theory is precisely one of those which medical science will have to investigate when these discoveries of mine are made public. But let me resume the narrative.
"At the sound of the firing the whole household seemed to be aroused. And what a household it was! In a few moments the room was crowded with beings of reverend countenance and stately carriage. Looking round with slow, grave eyes, they conversed in whispers. 'Science must investigate this,' one of them said. 'We will arrange that a committee of the Society shall make a thorough examination of the house and test the phenomena. Don't forget to engage two shorthand writers and an expert in spirit photography. And let the room be sealed up till the experts arrive.'
"During the whole of these proceedings I remained absolutely still, my acquaintance with the other world having taught me the wisdom of reticence. At this point, however, I resolved to attempt communication with my visitors, and, looking round for a person to whom I might address myself, I observed a bright little fellow of twelve years old staring about him in an absent-minded way, quite inattentive to all that was going on. As I walked over to where he was standing he saw me plainly, and showed not the least surprise on being addressed.
"'What is your name, my little man?' I asked.
"'Billy Burst,' said he.
"'And what are you thinking about while all those people are making such a fuss?'
"'I am wondering how people weigh the planets,' he answered.
"'Come along with me,' said I, 'and I will show you just what you want to know.'
"Then taking him by the hand I led him across the room to the seat I had just left; but though the sages who were present saw him cross the room, not one of them saw me, who was leading him by the hand.
"I took out a sheet of paper and began to draw figures and work formulæ, the boy meanwhile standing by the side of my chair and saying not a word. When I had finished I said:
"'Do you understand?'
"'Perfectly,' he answered; 'I see it at last. Thank you ever so much.'
"'Now Billy,' I said, 'there is something you can do for me. I want you to stand on that chair and tell the people that the person they are making the fuss about is named Panhandle, that you know him, that he is real and quite harmless, and that he hopes they won't shoot at him any more, because it hurts. Say you are quite certain he is real, because he has just told you how the planets are weighed.'
"'Dear Pan,' said Billy, 'don't ask me to do that. I never tell people about you; they would only laugh at me if I did. Let us keep just as we are, old fellow, and not tell our secret to anybody.'
"Unprepared for a style of address so familiar, 'Why, Billy,' I said, 'I have never seen you before.'
"'Are you quite sure you see me now?' he replied.
"Our positions had become reversed—Billy sitting in my study chair that he might read over what I had written about the planets, I standing by his side. I looked down to answer his last question, and for the briefest fraction of a second a vision passed before me. The object beneath me was not my study chair, but a small iron bedstead on which there lay a boy, fast asleep. It passed in the twinkling of an eye, and I found myself seated as before at my desk; the half-finished report was before me, and, save myself, not a soul was in the room. 'It is certain,' thought I, 'that I am haunting somebody. In the name of all the secret Powers that guide the fates of men—whom am I haunting?'"
"A marvellous story," I cried; "and more significant than even you, Panhandle, are aware. I knew Billy Burst. He and I were schoolmates, and practised magic together under the guidance of a mysterious Power whose name Billy would never disclose."
"You knew Billy Burst!" exclaimed Panhandle. "My friend, you fill me with astonishment and delight. Did I not say we were on the eve of great discoveries? Tell me all you know about Billy, for the matter is of the utmost importance."
"You are making me wait for the appearance of the ghost," said I, "and must not be aggrieved if I make you wait for information about Billy."