How to Be a Man. Harvey Newcomb
not think it a task, that you are compelled to study; but you will regard it as a price[1] put into your hands to get wisdom. It is all for your own benefit. In school hours, therefore, you should put away all thoughts of play, and all communication with other scholars, and give yourself strictly and closely to your studies.
[1] Prov. xvii. 16.
But, I suppose you will find the most difficulty in regulating your conduct during the intervals of school hours, and on your way to and from school. When a great many young persons of your own age are together, there is a disposition to throw off restraint. I would not have you under such restraint as to avoid all relaxation and innocent hilarity; for these are necessary to keep your mind and body in a healthful condition. But, here, you will be more exposed to temptation. As punctuality is of great importance in school, and a necessary habit to be cultivated, you need to make it a matter of principle to be always in your seat a few minutes before the opening of school. A failure to do this, will rob you of many advantages, and greatly embarrass your teacher. It will, also, give you the habit of tardiness, which will be a great injury to you, as long as you live, whatever may be your occupation. But, in order to be punctual, you must not linger to engage in sport by the way. So, likewise, in returning from school, you ought to be equally punctual in reporting yourself at home; for you know not what your parents may have for you to do. This, also, forbids your lingering for amusement on the way home. But, besides these, there are other reasons why you should not idle away your time on the way. Idle boys are always in the way of temptation; for
“Satan finds some mischief still
For idle hands to do.”
If you linger along on the way, you will be very likely to meet with some bad boys, who will lead you astray, and involve you in some mischief that will get you into serious difficulty. A boy was walking along in the streets of Boston, and another boy, who knew him by name, called to him from the other side of the street, saying, “Come, John, come over here, and we’ll have some fun.” “No, I can’t,” John replied; “I must go home.” “But just come over here a minute.” “No, I can’t,” said John; “my mother expects me home.” But the boy still urged him, and at length prevailed on him to cross the street. They then went into a hardware store; and the boy who called John over stole some knives and disappeared; and John was taken for the theft, because he was with the other boy at the time, and put in jail. Thus, by just stopping on the way, and going across the street, he got into jail. If he had made it his invariable rule to go directly on his way, and not linger, and idle his time away, he would have been saved from this suffering, shame, and disgrace. But, if you indulge in the same habit of lingering by the way, you will be exposed to similar temptation and trouble.
In all your intercourse with your school-fellows, be kind and obliging. Treat them courteously, and avoid every thing that is rough, coarse, and rude. Endeavor to behave like a young gentleman. Avoid the company of boys who are rough and coarse in their manners, or profane or obscene in their conversation. You will insensibly imbibe their vulgarity, if you associate with them. In your sports or plays, be conscientiously fair and honorable. The boy, who is unfair or dishonest in his play, when he becomes a man, will drive a hard bargain or be dishonest in his business.
If you go where boys and girls are associated in the same school, have a strict regard to propriety, in your intercourse with the other sex. Be gentlemanly in your behavior towards them. Avoid all rudeness or roughness of manners and conversation in their presence. Especially, refrain from rude jests and low buffoonery. You may engage with them in sensible conversation; but a well-bred girl will be offended if you attempt to please her by trying how nonsensically and silly you can talk. Venture no improper liberties; but maintain your own self-respect by respecting them.
Finally, see that you do nothing in school or out of it, which you would be unwilling your parents should see; and remember that there is One Eye that is always upon you.
CHAPTER VII.
BEHAVIOR AT TABLE.
Did it ever occur to you to inquire why all civilized people have their food prepared at particular hours, and all the family sit at table together? Why not have the food prepared, and placed where every one can go and eat, whenever he pleases, by himself? One great advantage of having a whole family sit together, and partake of their meals at the same time, is, that it brings them together in a social way, every day. But for this, and the assembling of the family at prayers, they might not all meet at once for a long time. But eating together is a mark of friendship; and it tends to promote social feeling. In a well-regulated family, also, it is a means of great improvement, both of mind and manners. It is, in fact, a school of good manners. You will perceive, then, how very important it is, that your behavior at table should always be regulated by the rules of propriety. If you acquire vulgar habits here, or practise rudeness, you will find it difficult to overcome them; and they will make you appear to great disadvantage.
I shall mention a few things to be observed, at the table, by one who would maintain a character for good breeding. And, first of all, be not tardy in taking your place at the table. In a well-regulated family, the master of the family waits till all are seated before he asks a blessing. Suppose there are five persons at the table, and you hinder them all by your tardiness three minutes, you waste fifteen minutes of precious time. To those who set a proper value upon time, this is a great evil. There is no need of it; you may as easily be at your seat in time as too late. When called to a meal, never wait to finish what you are doing, but promptly leave it, and proceed to your place. Above all, do not delay till after the blessing, and so sit down to your food like a heathen.
The table is a place for easy, cheerful, social intercourse; but some children make it a place of noisy clamor. The younger members of the family should leave it for the parents (and guests, if there are any,) to take the lead in conversation. It does not appear well for a very young person to be forward and talkative at table. You should generally wait till you are spoken to; or, if you wish to make an inquiry or a remark, do it in a modest, unassuming way, not raising your voice, nor spinning out a story. And be especially careful not to interrupt any other person. Sensible people will get a very unfavorable impression concerning you, if they see you bold and talkative at table. Yet you should never appear inattentive to what others are saying. Be not so intent on discussing the contents of your plate, as not to observe the movements of others, or to hear their conversation. Show your interest in what is said by occasional glances at the speaker, and by the expression of your countenance; but be not too anxious to put a word in yourself. Some children make themselves ridiculous, by always joining in, and making their remarks, when older persons are speaking, often giving a grave opinion of some matter about which they know nothing.
Be helpful to others, without staring at them, or neglecting your own plate. You may keep your eye on the movements around you, to pass a cup and saucer, to notice if any one near you needs helping, and to help any dish that is within your reach. By so doing, you may greatly relieve your father and mother, who must be very busy, if they help all the family. By cultivating a close observation, and studying to know and anticipate the wants of others, you will be able to do these things in a genteel and graceful manner, without appearing obtrusive or forward.
Study propriety. If asked what you will be helped to, do not answer in an indefinite manner, saying, you “have no choice;” for this will put the master of the house to the inconvenience of choosing for you. Do not wait, after you are asked, to determine what you will have, but answer promptly; and do not be particular in your choice. To be very particular in the choice of food is not agreeable to good breeding. Never ask for what is not on the table. Do not make remarks respecting the food; and avoid expressing your likes and dislikes of particular articles. One of your age should not appear to be an epicure. Show your praise of the food set before you, by the good nature and relish with which you partake of it; but do not eat so fast as to appear voracious. Never put on sour looks, nor