Vera. Elizabeth von Arnim
And then he added, with the simplicity his own situation was putting into everything he did, 'That settles it. We two stricken ones must talk together.'
And still covering her hands with one of his, with the other he unlatched the gate and walked in.
II
There was a seat under a mulberry tree on the little lawn, with its back to the house and the gaping windows, and Wemyss, spying it out, led Lucy to it as if she were a child, holding her by the hand.
She went with him indifferently. What did it matter whether she sat under the mulberry tree or stood at the gate? This convulsed stranger—was he real? Was anything real? Let him tell her whatever it was he wanted to tell her, and she would listen, and get him his glass of water, and then he would go his way and by that time the women would have finished upstairs and she could be with her father again.
'I'll fetch the water,' she said when they got to the seat.
'No. Sit down,' said Wemyss.
She sat down. So did he, letting her hand go. It dropped on the seat, palm upwards, between them.
'It's strange our coming across each other like this,' he said, looking at her while she looked indifferently straight in front of her at the sun on the grass beyond the shade of the mulberry tree, at a mass of huge fuchsia bushes a little way off. 'I've been going through hell—and so must you have been. Good God, what hell! Do you mind if I tell you? You'll understand because of your own——'
Lucy didn't mind. She didn't mind anything. She merely vaguely wondered that he should think she had been going through hell. Hell and her darling father; how quaint it sounded. She began to suspect that she was asleep. All this wasn't really happening. Her father wasn't dead. Presently the housemaid would come in with the hot water and wake her to the usual cheerful day. The man sitting beside her—he seemed rather vivid for a dream, it was true; so detailed, with his flushed face and the perspiration on his forehead, besides the feel of his big warm hand a moment ago and the small puffs of heat that came from his clothes when he moved. But it was so unlikely … everything that had happened since breakfast was so unlikely. This man, too, would resolve himself soon into just something she had had for dinner last night, and she would tell her father about her dream at breakfast, and they would laugh.
She stirred uneasily. It wasn't a dream. It was real.
'The story is unbelievably horrible,' Wemyss was saying in a high aggrievement, looking at her little head with the straight cut hair, and her grave profile. How old was she? Eighteen? Twenty-eight? Impossible to tell exactly with hair cut like that, but young anyhow compared to him; very young perhaps compared to him who was well over forty, and so much scarred, so deeply scarred, by this terrible thing that had happened to him.
'It's so horrible that I wouldn't talk about it if you were going to mind,' he went on, 'but you can't mind because you're a stranger, and it may help you with your own trouble, because whatever you may suffer I'm suffering much worse, so then you'll see yours isn't so bad. And besides I must talk to some one I should go mad——'
This was certainly a dream, thought Lucy. Things didn't happen like this when one was awake—grotesque things.
She turned her head and looked at him. No, it wasn't a dream. No dream could be so solid as the man beside her. What was he saying?
He was saying in a tormented voice that he was Wemyss.
'You are Wemyss,' she repeated gravely.
It made no impression on her. She didn't mind his being Wemyss.
'I'm the Wemyss the newspapers were full of last week,' he said, seeing that the name left her unmoved. 'My God,' he went on, again wiping his forehead, but as fast as he wiped it more beads burst out, 'those posters to see one's own name staring at one everywhere on posters!'
'Why was your name on posters?' said Lucy.
She didn't want to know; she asked mechanically, her ear attentive only to the sounds from the open windows of the room upstairs.
'Don't you read newspapers here?' was his answer.
'I don't think we do,' she said, listening. 'We've been settling in. I don't think we've remembered to order any newspapers yet.'
A look of some, at any rate, relief from the pressure he was evidently struggling under came into Wemyss's face. 'Then I can tell you the real version,' he said, 'without you're being already filled up with the monstrous suggestions that were made at the inquest. As though I hadn't suffered enough as it was! As though it hadn't been terrible enough already——'
'The inquest?' repeated Lucy.
Again she turned her head and looked at him. 'Has your trouble anything to do with death?'
'Why, you don't suppose anything else would reduce me to the state I'm in?'
'Oh, I'm sorry,' she said; and into her eyes and into her voice came a different expression, something living, something gentle. 'I hope it wasn't anybody you—loved?'
'It was my wife,' said Wemyss.
He got up quickly, so near was he to crying at the thought of it, at the thought of all he had endured, and turned his back on her and began stripping the leaves off the branches above his head.
Lucy watched him, leaning forward a little on both hands. 'Tell me about it,' she said presently, very gently.
He came back and dropped down heavily beside her again, and with many interjections of astonishment that such a ghastly calamity could have happened to him, to him who till now had never——
'Yes,' said Lucy, comprehendingly and gravely, 'yes—I know——'
—had never had anything to do with—well, with calamities, he told her the story.
They had gone down, he and his wife, as they did every 25th of July, for the summer to their house on the river, and he had been looking forward to a glorious time of peaceful doing nothing after months of London, just lying about in a punt and reading and smoking and resting—London was an awful place for tiring one out—and they hadn't been there twenty-four hours before his wife—before his wife——
The remembrance of it was too grievous to him. He couldn't go on.
'Was she—very ill?' asked Lucy gently, to give him time to recover. 'I think that would almost be better. One would be a little at least one would be a little prepared——'
'She wasn't ill at all,' cried Wemyss. 'She just—died.'
'Oh like father!' exclaimed Lucy, roused now altogether. It was she now who laid her hand on his.
Wemyss seized it between both his, and went on quickly.
He was writing letters, he said, in the library at his table in the window where he could see the terrace and the garden and the river; they had had tea together only an hour before; there was a flagged terrace along that side of the house, the side the library was on and all the principal rooms; and all of a sudden there was a great flash of shadow between him and the light; come and gone instantaneously; and instantaneously then there was a thud; he would never forget it, that thud; and there outside his window on the flags——
'Oh don't—oh don't——' gasped Lucy.
'It was my wife,' Wemyss hurried on, not able now to stop, looking at Lucy while he talked with eyes of amazed horror. 'Fallen out of the top room of the house her sitting-room because of the view—it was in a straight line with the library window—she dropped past my window like a stone—she was smashed—smashed——'
'Oh, don't—oh——'
'Now can you wonder at the state I'm in?'