.
to get rid of the fear of a possible defeat. I wanted to be the greatest soccer player in the universe. I wanted to win always. Always more. Always farther. Always higher. I lost more and more in doing so. It went so far, that I seemed to be in a good shape physically, although mentally I was tired.
During this time I have read a report about the Camino de Santiago in Spain. I want to do it in any case. A challenge, physically and mentally. The final test. Some months later I walked the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Respect. I have walked many kilometres. I have collected many impressions. It was a difficult journey. I got used to the long distances very fast. I was physically in a good shape. Particularly called me my spirit, my soul. A fellow pilgrim once said, that I move like a clock. All the time with a lot of energy, uphill and downhill. Always in the same rhythm. I was not able to adapt me to the individual character of the way. I was on an ego trip as a soccer player. As a pilgrim I wanted to do stuff differently. I did not want to have a lot of material things. Now I want to acquire knowledge in a high rhythm.
In this way I developed interest for languages. Especially in the area of Psychology I find it interesting, how the human functions. I removed myself from my goals on the outer level. My ego has identified less with material things, but with intellectual knowledge. The new topics were languages, psychology, and economy. These topics were my new i, where I have identified with. Career. I want this now. For many years I told all people that I do not care about material wealth. My life, the perfect career. This was the plan until the physical death. The ego identification moved away from the material level and towards the intellectual level. I was caught in my own little world. My ego has developed itself to megalomania. Everything shall be perfect, tidy and under control. All interruptions were perceived like a personal insult during this process. And sometimes I have not talked to other man for years which have crossed my path with completely trivial stuff.
Relationships and conversations with fellow man were a means to an end. I was always occupied by planning the future in a perfect manner. As a result I ignored the present moment. This was obvious in the study. I studied for longer time at different universities. I have never thought about the idea that something like safety may not exist. I raised my ambition and perfectionism towards the extreme. Everything was subordinated to the career. The last places of the priority list were reserved for relationships, health, and joy. I studied like crazy. I have passed all exams. At the end of the program the final thesis was missing. Suddenly I had fallen very deep and for my fellow man I became crazy indeed.
I desired recognition, status, safety, money, and knowledge. That was more important than listening to my soul. It does not matter how much I have. It does not matter how much I know. It is more important and easier to recognize that I am simply. I AM. Thus more can be developed. I am not my little ego. I am consciousness, which expresses itself through this body in the world. The thoughts are not the problem. However, I have identified with thoughts and thus created my ego. I fed for long time this false self-image. At first the ego has identified itself with the body. The ego has clung to the thoughts, when my body was not functioning very well. Nonetheless, I am neither my body, nor my thoughts. I am infinite consciousness.
I am here as man. I have occupied different roles as a player, pilgrim, or student. As man I will continue the journey. It will be seen, where my way in life will continue. One possibility is that I am one with the moment, with everything that is. The time has dissolved. I am free. I am not a slave of my limited believes, rules, and thoughts.
The athlete examines once again his values. His mindset, not his pulse. He expected practical advices for training. On the contrary I gave him an insight, how someone can lose himself in different roles. Of course one can experience everything that is possible in this world. It is a limited view, to lose yourself in your own ambition and to look only on the body. The sum of man consists of more than the purely physical construct of the body. To comprehend this, goes far beyond the rational mind.
3. MINIMALISM
A computer specialist enters the chat room.
I welcome him.
The computer specialist explains his situation. He is surrounded by a lot of things. He has no overall view of his life situation. His life seems to him like a chaos. He has to do a lot of stuff and he has a lot of stuff. He wants to have more clarity.
I rummage around for old documents under the bed. I believe that an article could help him.
I send the article WHAT DOES A MAN NEED? to the computer specialist in the chat room.
3.1 WHAT DOES A MAN NEED?
During one life a human consumes 999 animals. How terrible! That makes me thoughtful. I have the question: What does a man really need for living? The answer is surprisingly simple. Astonishingly it is very little: Something to drink. Something to eat. Some clothes. And a place to sleep for the night. I ask myself now following question: How much stuff do I have? I will start to make a list with the things I have. It takes a while... Some time later.
Well! I have made a short list. I have count 600 objects up to now. This is a lot. I have not yet count everything. I have surely more than 1,000 things. The time has come now, to get rid of some stuff. To throw away. To give away. To sell. To donate. Now I begin with that. At first with the clothes. I donate many clothes. It is likely, that someone needs them. Furthermore I sell my books and movies. It is a great relief, to separate from things and to let these go.
With that I would like to examine shortly the spiritual aspect. The distinction nowadays between doing, having, and being in the current Zeitgeist. A lot of man lives in permanent stress. They are lost in doing something constantly. To have more stuff, which they do not need. Just to accumulate wealth. In doing so it is rather a disadvantage for being. To be present in the here and now, you do not need anything. If one realizes, that no material thing can give permanent happiness, then you are enlightened. Of course, you can be happy with your wealth. You should not identify with it. Above all, if there is no material wealth, you can meditate and listen very well to stillness. There is nothing that could distract you.
At the moment we are doing something. We are reading these lines for example. This takes its time in the respective life situation. Having includes all material things. The more things you have, the more energy you have. Especially the things want to have attention from our consciousness. Too much things absorb energy again and thus attention. Being is the timeless condition here and now. Everything that is here, is now. Life is manifested in the now. To live life as conscious as possible, that is my meaning of life. I relinquish some things. I eat less meat. At least as little as possible and as much as necessary.
I live for years with as less luggage as possible. There are phases, when I have more or less. I came across the term minimalism some weeks ago. I carry constant ballast with me. I have hardly material ballast. I have rather emotional ballast. I try to order my stuff and my thoughts now.
I am mucking out old stuff for weeks. I have donated clothes. I sold books and movies. I sorted out old documents. I deleted many photos, in total 6 gigabyte. I deleted my profiles in social networks. It consumed too much time. I have deleted my accounts at internet shops, which wanted to entice me into consuming always more. I have cancelled my memberships in clubs, because I did not use its offers any longer. I cancelled a magazine subscription. I cancelled old insurance contracts. I cancelled my bank accounts. And I gave much broken stuff into the waste containers.
I am on the path to simplify my life. I would like to spend more time in nature. Living simple, plain, and calmly. I spent one night in the forest. It was something new, just having a few things around me. And still, I had everything necessary to survive. I feel comfortable with less stuff around me. This leads me to more clarity of the perception of consciousness. I try to release me from the chains of past. To have less stuff means to me, to have more time to live consciously. Above all to enjoy the here and now in the nature.
I philosophize about my lifestyle. I face the following challenges in order to expand my comfort zone.
I take a shower with cold water for 7 days.
I