Money with Jess. Jessica Irvine
forms one part of a ‘golden triangle of happiness’ that predominantly determines our wellbeing, alongside ‘personal relationships’ and a ‘sense of purpose’.
As I sit down to write this introduction, I feel quite emotional at how far I've come. And because I'm a big fan of giving precise labels to emotions — as you'll soon discover — specifically, I feel proud, hopeful and optimistic for both myself and for you, as you embark on your own budgeting journey.
From a place of fear and despair, I have arrived at a sense of calm and joy when it comes to managing my money.
On a daily basis, I spend my money with confidence, and in ways that align with my own personal values and desires. When I say ‘yes’ to spending, it's a ‘hell yes’. I cherish the things I buy because I have done the inner work to know what really does — or does not — bring me pleasure. And I don't waste money on the latter.
It is my deepest desire to share with you the same sense of peace and calm I now feel when I look at my finances. I want you to know it's possible to have a happier and more stress‐free relationship with your money.
One last thing before we begin.
I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge what I feel is an elephant in the room.
You've seen the cover of this book. I don't look like your typical personal finance expert. I'm not particularly old. And I'm not a man (although, if you want to see a fun picture of what that would look like, you can quickly flick to page 35). I think it's useful to share that writing this book has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. In addition to the usual struggles of writing a book, I've faced an uphill battle against ‘imposter syndrome’: an uncomfortable feeling of ‘Who am I to be telling people what to do with their money?’
Despite almost two decades of writing about economics and finance, I have still, at times, struggled internally to picture myself as a person who can and should sit down and write an authoritative book about money — one that both men and women can benefit from reading. It's hard to be what you don't often see.
Because, unlike my colleague's original suggestion, this is not a book aimed specifically at women. Yes, I am a woman. And yes, ladies, that retirement savings gap is very real. And yes, as it turns out, a man is not a financial plan.
But I hate the way personal finance books and advice are universally clad in ‘pink’ to target women and ‘blue’ for men (something my publisher can affirm, after all the grief I gave over wanting a ‘gender‐neutral’ cover and design for this book: ‘Too girly; try again!’ was my repeated refrain).
If you've got a head and a heart, and some money to manage, you will benefit from reading this book. It's taken me considerable internal effort to arrive at a place where I can say that with confidence. But it's true. So, I'll say it again:
My name is Jess and I'm good at money. Bloody good, in fact.
And you can be, too.
I know, because I'm about to show you how.
Let's get started, shall we?
PART I How to build a healthy money mindset
Before we get to the action parts of this book, where we organise your money and figure out where you want it to go, we need to stop for a hot minute and figure out how you currently think and feel about money.
In my career as a finance journalist, I've observed the way lots of people — such as readers, editors, fellow journalists, politicians and voters — think about money.
Overwhelmingly, I see people stuck in a pattern of thinking money is just too complex — too overwhelming — to understand. It's also common to believe that money is boring (this one hurts my soul!) or that it's just the case that some people suck at money.
The good news is that if you're one of those people who believe these things, honey, you're wrong. Don't feel too bad about it. An entire financial system exists that profits from your overwhelm. To fight it, you need to learn to manage your thoughts and emotions about money, which is what we're about to do now.
Perhaps some of us pop out of the womb knowing how to make good money decisions. But, believe me, most of us don't. The ability to manage money is a skillset that needs to be learned.
Unfortunately, many of us miss the memo and by the time we're old enough to control our money, we're already trapped in a toxic relationship with it.
We turn a blind eye to our overall financial position. We spend up big to calm our inner storms. We stick our heads in the sand and just hope our money problems will figure themselves out, one day. So much mental distress is caused this way and so much of it could be avoided, I believe, if we just took some time to really stare our money in the face. That's what this whole book is about.
But before we start looking at your personal money situation, I want to spend part I of this book really getting to the bottom of all the unhealthy attitudes towards money you may have unconsciously internalised — and then to help liberate you from them.
I'll teach you how to become a mini emotions detective, able to root out all the feelings you feel when you think about money. We'll then trace the origin of these emotions back to the thoughts you're having about money. And then, we'll replace those old thoughts with some more helpful ones.
Be warned: it might take some time and effort to really rid yourself of these unhelpful beliefs about money. But you'll feel so much better when you do, I promise!
It's never too late to start reframing your thoughts and feelings around money. So let's get into it.
1 Identifying your money emotions
I want you to start by really focusing on that word for a moment: MONEY.
Say it out loud with me: ‘MONEY’.
Or, if you're in a public place (and you haven't already embarrassed yourself), just really stare at that word on the page for moment: MONEY.
What emotion do you feel in your body when you see that word or hear it spoken?
MONEY
MONEY
MONEY
Don't worry. If you're anything like I was, you may struggle with this exercise.
I've been seeing a psychologist on and off for about half a decade now. These days, I usually enjoy our sessions — they're like a workout for my brain.
Most of my very early sessions, however, consisted of my kindly therapist bookending everything I said with the question, ‘And how did that make you feel?’ and me just shuffling uncomfortably in my seat and staring back somewhat blankly.
After one particularly difficult session, that dreaded question came up again: ‘How did that make you feel, Jess?’
‘Analytical’, I replied, adding, ‘Is analytical a feeling?’
‘No, Jess’, came the reply, ‘analytical is pretty much the opposite of a feeling’.
Oh.
It wasn't until one day when my therapist actually provided me with a potentially relevant word to describe my emotion that I began to connect the dots.
Truth is, unless you've been taught how, it can be difficult to recognise what emotion, or what combination of emotions (there can be many!) you are feeling at any point in time.
Yet it is so very important. Because emotions drive our behaviours; and it's our behaviours that produce our outcomes.
Now, I can almost hear you thinking, ‘But Jess, I am a very evolved person. I always put reason ahead