John Bull, Junior: or, French as She is Traduced. O'Rell Max
boxes are packed and ready to be removed – to-night, I hope.
Will pay my first visit to the British Museum.
I hail a cab in Regent Circus.
"Is the British Museum far from here?" I cry to the man seated on a box behind.
"No, sir; I will take you there for a shilling," he replies.
"Oh! thank you; I think I will walk then."
Cabby retires muttering a few sentences unintelligible to me. Only one word constantly occurring in his harangue can I remember.
I open my pocket-dictionary.
Good heavens! What have I said to the man? What has he taken me for? Have I used words conveying to his mind any intention of mine to take his precious life? Do I look ferocious? Why did he repeatedly call me sanguinaire? Must have this mystery cleared up.
An English friend sets my mind at rest about the little event of yesterday. He informs me that the adjective in question carries no meaning. It is simply a word that the lower classes have to place before each substantive they use in order to be able to understand each other.
Have taken apartments in the neighborhood of Baker Street. My landlady, qui frise ses cheveux et la cinquantaine, enjoys the name of Tribble. She is a plump, tidy, and active-looking little woman.
On the door there is a plate, with the inscription,
Mr. Tribble, it seems, is not very much engaged in business.
At home he makes himself useful.
It was this gentleman, more or less typical in London, whom I had in my mind's eye as I once wrote:
"The English social failure of the male sex not unfrequently entitles himself General Agent: this is the last straw he clutches at; if it should break, he sinks, and is heard of no more, unless his wife come to the rescue, by setting up a lodging-house or a boarding-school for young ladies. There, once more in smooth water, he wields the blacking-brush, makes acquaintance with the knife-board, or gets in the provisions. In allowing himself to be kept by his wife, he feels he loses some dignity; but if she should adopt any airs of superiority over him, he can always bring her to a sense of duty by beating her."
Mr. Tribble helps take up my trunks. On my way to bed my landlady informs me that her room adjoins mine, and if I need any thing in the night I have only to ask for it.
This landlady will be a mother to me, I can see.
The bed reminds me of a night I passed in a cemetery, during the Commune, sleeping on a gravestone. I turn and toss, unable to get any rest.
Presently I had the misfortune to hit my elbow against the mattress.
A knock at the door.
"Who is there?" I cry.
"Can I get you any thing, sir? I hope you are not ill," says a voice which I recognize as that of my landlady.
"No, why?"
"I thought you knocked, sir."
"No. Oh! I knocked my elbow against the mattress."
"Ah! that's it. I beg your pardon."
I shall be well attended here, at all events.
The table here is not recherché; but twelve months' campaigning have made me tolerably easy to please.
What would not the poor Parisians have given, during the Siege in 1870, for some of Mrs. Tribble's obdurate poultry and steaks!
I ask Mrs. Tribble for my bill.
I received it immediately; it is a short and comprehensive one:
I can understand "lodging"; but "board" is a new word to me. I like to know what it is I have to pay for, and I open my dictionary.
"Board (subst.), planche."
Planche! Why does the woman charge me for a planche? Oh! I have it – that's the bed, of course.
My dictionary does not enlighten me on the subject of "Sundries."
I make a few observations to Mrs. Tribble on the week's bill. This lady explains to me that she has had great misfortunes, that Tribble hardly does any work, and does not contribute a penny toward the household expenses. When he has done a little stroke of business, he takes a holiday, and only reappears when his purse is empty.
I really cannot undertake to keep Tribble in dolce far niente, and I give Mrs. Tribble notice to leave.
9 A.M. – I read in this morning's paper the following advertisement:
"Residence, with or without board, for a gentleman, in a healthy suburb of London. Charming house, with creepers, large garden; cheerful home. Use of piano, etc."
"Without board" is what I want. Must go and see the place.
6 P.M. – I have seen the house with creepers, and engaged a bedroom and sitting-room. Will go there to-night. My bed is provided with a spring mattress. Won't I sleep to-night, that's all!
I remove my goods and chattels from the charming house. I found the creepers were inside.
It will take me a long time to understand English, I am afraid.
I examine my financial position. I came to England with fifty pounds; have been here thirty days, and have lived at the rate of a pound a day. My money will last me only twenty days longer. This seems to be a simple application of the rule of three.
The thought that most Lord-Mayors have come to London with only half-a-crown in their pockets comforts me. Still I grow reflective.
I can see that the fee I receive for the weekly letter I send to my Parisian paper will not suffice to keep me. Good living is expensive in London. Why should I not reduce my expenses, and at the same time improve my English by teaching French in an English school as resident master? This would enable me to wait and see what turn events will take.
I have used my letters of recommendation as a means of obtaining introductions in society, and my pride will not let me make use of them again for business.
I will disappear for a time. When my English is more reliable, perhaps an examination will open the door of some good berth to me.
Received this morning an invitation to be present at a meeting of the Teachers' Association.
Came with a friend to the Society of Arts, where the meeting is held in a beautiful hall, and presided over by Canon Barry.
What a graceful and witty speaker!
He addresses to private school-masters a few words on their duty.
"Yours," he says, "is not only a profession, it is a vocation, I had almost said a ministry" (hear, hear), "and the last object of yours should be to make money."
This last sentence is received with rapturous applause. The chairman has evidently expressed the feeling of the audience.
The Canon seems to enjoy himself immensely.
Beautiful