Lies of closed eyes. Виктория Олеговна Рогозина
being in society, but society is an integral part of our life, which is difficult to refuse in modern realities.
An iridescent bell marked the end of the break, and the students sat down together in their places, preparing to “nibble on the granite of science.” The religion of the world was taught to us by an elderly priest. Surprisingly, he could captivate students and almost immediately fell in love with everyone. Bishop Innokenty, whom the students affectionately called “Father”, taught well. Rumor has it that the director could hardly persuade the bishop to teach students, but as it turned out, it was important to carry the doctrine and the light. Batiushka never offended any of the religions, singling out each equally, emphasizing the differences. As a rule, he devoted the second part of the pair to answering the questions of students, who were specially written down on pieces of paper and left on the teacher’s table, thus the questions became anonymous. And even if some questions were repeated, he, with all his patience, gave explanations. I liked listening to him. He never lectured, never criticized, treated everyone with warm indulgence, like an older brother who loves his little sister very much. Perhaps, in our university, this is the only subject with 100% attendance.
After this couple, everyone hurried to the dining room in order to get enough of cheap coffee and energy drinks with various synthetic additives. Fortunately, the food cost mere pennies. I took a far table, located on the outskirts. I didn’t eat at lunch, preferring to just sit and listen to music. Sometimes I solved my homework, thereby saving evening time.
Sometimes I was visited by strange thoughts that frightened me, because if I turned to a specialist with this, then, most likely, I would be recognized as insane. And I tried never to remember the past. I don’t like to live in memories, because the best thing is to move forward. It doesn’t matter what was, what matters is what is now, at the moment. Does my life have any weight? I don’t know, I didn’t come to any specific conclusion. Adults say that as soon as the question of vacation or sick leave arises, you turn out to be the only and irreplaceable one. But this is a lie. Anyone can be replaced and no matter where: in love, in work, in friendship and family.
I tilted my head back, staring up at the ceiling. I was crazy about smoking. Bad, not good, bad. Yes, that’s just living in general is harmful. Sighing, I came to the conclusion that I would be patient and looked at the clock. The last couple is about to start. Psychology was taught by an elderly man, Bogdan Ereinovich, all the time humorous and citing some unrealistic examples from his own practice, thus trying to involve students in a dialogue. I didn’t like it. Very often he told how it should have been in life, but in practice, it became simply impossible. At the first, and at the second and third, the teacher’s eyes were about fifty. Lonely, still living with his mother, he constantly boasted of his unconfirmed achievements. But God is his judge, if at all Bogdan Ereinovich believed in God, and in fact it is by faith that he is rewarded.
– Everyone get ready for the colloquium next week, we’ll test your motivation to study further. Everybody’s Free.
Today we were released early. Together with the general flow of students, I left the audience. Weaving along a wide corridor, I turned to the stairs and began my “climb up the mountain.” Although there were elevators at the University, they turned out to be very small, old and extremely uncomfortable, and even in poor technical condition. Once again, I tried to walk, especially when time and strength allowed. Yes, and I was afraid to get stuck – I don’t seem to suffer from claustrophobia, but I wouldn’t want to check it.
The room greeted me with pleasant coolness and blissful silence. Closing the creaking door behind her and taking off her shoes, she threw her backpack on the floor and fell on the bed with a swing, having previously set the timer on the phone. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was a rare gouging, sometimes I lost time. And now, in order not to fall through the whole evening and not be lazy, I kind of meditated. In fact, at such moments, there were absolutely no thoughts in my head. Ringing emptiness and eternally gray Moscow sky in the window. A little more and it will start to get dark, this is exactly what I like – Moscow, like a huge modern Babylon: great and multilingual with forever swarming ants, burns and shimmers, burning and destroying not a single hundred souls. Here, life had weight only when you could at least something to oppose society. Until now, you have been empty space. And according to this attitude, which kills like radiation, the capital could be safely compared with Chernobyl.
My body relaxed, I felt like jelly – limp, as if spreading on the bed. The amazing Vanessa Mae was playing on the headphones and I enjoyed feeling my eyelids close and I was about to fall asleep.
I shuddered sleepily from the beeping timer on my smartphone, which, unfortunately, was far enough away, and therefore protected from my sloppy actions. She grinned, realizing that she still had to get up, but… but not this minute.
Stretching sweetly, she briefly glanced out the window, through which the dim rays of the setting autumn sun were breaking through, illuminating the small cozy room of the hostel. She stretched again and sat up abruptly on the bed. Life in general does not bode well. The trill of the timer is starting to annoy, so I quickly got up, crossed the room and turned off the rather annoying melody on my smartphone.
Hands up, as if reaching out to the sky, which does not hear me, no matter how I call (figuratively speaking) the divine office, and getting up on tiptoes, I squint slightly. She glanced around her small room once more. Opposite the bed was an armchair and an adjoining table with notebooks scattered on it.
The bunk bed seemed secure. They still hoped to hook someone up with me, but so far it remained at the level of conversations. And in such conditions, other students refused to live.
Leaving the room, I reached the end of the corridor and easily climbed up the old stairs to the roof. Finally, freedom. Sitting on the very edge, legs crossed at the ankles, I took out a pack of cigarettes and lit a cigarette. Taking a puff, I slowly exhale, watching how an uneven stream, fluctuating now narrowing, then expanding, rushes into the darkening sky. The city comes alive with lights. I love this time. A huge buzzing anthill, like the All-Seeing Eye, burns, shines. Above me, a star begins to glow, erected on the very spire of the Stalinist era, illuminating my small but free area.
In total, I smoked, probably, the fourth or fifth cigarette, admiring the city. I did not like electronic cigarettes – despite the fact that they had pleasant aromas, I preferred the tart taste of tobacco. The only thing I liked about the capital. Leaning back, she lay down on the roof, but after a little thought, she got up on her elbows, looking around the surroundings with a leisurely look.
– It’s beautiful here.
By God, I almost fell off the roof when I heard an outside voice and turned around sharply. A couple of meters away from me, a guy was sitting fearlessly dangling his legs from the roof. A slightly elongated triangular face, in keeping with Korean ideals of beauty. Pale skin was emphasized by black, which was present in everything: hair color, eyes, and of course clothes. Long impeccably beautiful fingers pushed back the bangs from his forehead, and the guy looked at me with a mocking look. He could decorate any glossy magazine. In my head, the thoughts seemed to have made a somersault finally mixed up.
– Fuck yourself! – I was only able to blurt out, frankly examining this hand-written handsome man.
– I agree, I am also exalted by your invention, – his lips were touched by a sensual smile.
Well, at least with a sense of humor, not bad.
– How long have you been here?
“Not really,” he replied slowly. – The view is amazing from here.
“Yes,” I bit my lip. How did I not hear him? After thinking about it, I decided to clarify:
– Do you often come here?
He made a long pause. Throwing back his head, the guy looked with his dark eyes at the sky, as if he was looking for something specific there. His gaze clearly