Shake the old. A play for 5 people. Comedy in two acts. Nikolay Lakutin
The hostess. Such a nice little girl turned out, so nice!
Nyura (touching). Yulechka, I'm looking at you right now. Vona is so pretty. And polite, and smart. I guess there's no end of grooms, huh?
Yulka (politely, smiling). Nothing, Bab Nur, I'm fighting back. So far it's working.
Nyura (touching). Well and good. Tell your mother hello from me. Health to her, the most important thing.
Yulka (politely, smiling). I'll tell you!
Yulka leaves warmly smiling and nodding goodbye to the old ladies.
The old girlfriends accompany the girl with warm glances, then look away who where. They don't look at each other.
Nyura saves the situation.
Nyura (with intrigue). And so. About the birthday.
Agnes (with interest). Yeah, yeah?
Vedana (with interest). Taak?
Nyura (with intrigue). I came up with a congratulatory song for myself here. Relevant. For his birthday.
Agnes (with interest). Oh, interesting.
Vedana (with interest). Ah-well? Sbatsay?
Nyura (with intrigue). I strictly ask you not to judge, but listen, in general!
Friends are all in the spotlight.
Nyura (singing in her squeaky voice). With the birthday of meeeenya, with the birthday of meeeenya, with the birthday of meeeenya (sighs heavily, doomed) what do you do… Happy birthday to meeyayayayay!
The old girlfriends nod their heads knowingly.
Agnes (with understanding). Yes, it can't be helped. I would have stopped my biological clock forty years ago if I could. Then nothing hurt, everything was seen in bright colors, and in general I wanted to live! I was breathing deeply. And now there are only memories of a full chest, and of breathing (he takes out an asthmatic canister, squirts into his mouth, inhales) his own uninterrupted, too…
Vedana (with nostalgia). But I remember how I frolicked with men. Oh, what are you… Only the slippers were wrapped. I grew up early. At the age of twelve, I already found out whose cones are in the forest. By the time I was fourteen, I had tasted it. And then I don't remember how thirty years passed… Like a day! But it's a busy day…
Agnes (positively, to her friends). Speaking of men! Are you aware that we have a new guest here? A man! Well, like a man… Was once a man. Just like we were girls. Today is a grandfather, but a concrete grandfather! Yeah. Lonely, according to the rumors. Fifty-five or sixty years old by the look of it, but actually he is already over seventy.
Friends are interested, enlivened.
Nyura (with interest, remembering). And I heard something like that. Praskovya from the next house told me. The old devil, but look. Jogging in the morning! Drinks only water, mostly hot.
Vedana (remembering). So I also heard about him from Kondratyevna. Is he a vegetarian or something. And by the look of it, it seems like the truth, this devil is not so old. Adheres to the views of Chinese medicine, does not turn to doctors, almost does not take pills.
Nyura (indignantly). Is he a parasite, does he want to live to be a hundred years old?
Methodius' voice (cheerful, charged, loud). And why not?
Friends turn to the voice at once!
An intriguing musical composition sounds.
A cheerful, fresh-faced Methodius enters. Real lively for his age. And he doesn't look so much young as young at Heart. This can be read both in the look, and in the mood, and in the charming smile, which old girlfriends have not been able to boast of for many years.
Methodius defiles, knowing that the eyes from all sides are riveted on him and he likes it. Makes some spectacular passes, stops in front of the friends sitting on the bench.
Methodius (with a sly smile, to the old ladies, fervently). Good afternoon, dolls!
Vedana (with interest). Well, hello.
Nyura (with interest). Hello.
Agnes (with interest). And good health to you.
Methodius (with a sly smile, to the old ladies). And what, girls, is there a place for a real kid among such beauties?
The grandmothers are embarrassed, they are bursting, they smooth their hair. Each seeks to move closer so that he sits next to her.
The old man with a comically blunted gait in a few steps, "squirming" and making faces, sincerely enjoying all this, theatrically sits down on the chosen place between Nyura and Vedana.
There is an awkward pause, everyone is thinking where to start a conversation.
Methodius (loudly, unexpectedly, so that the grannies shudder). Yes! (The old ladies shudder). I didn't introduce myself! (Parading Carlson). Come on, let's get married. They call me Methodius. Well, and you, the charmers?
Friends are embarrassed, flirtatious.
Vedana (with a sly smile). I am Vedana!
Methodius (politely, kindly). It's very nice.
Nyura (in a simple way). I'm Nyura.
Methodius (politely, kindly). Let's get acquainted.
Agnes (gently waving her pen). And I'm Agnes!
Methodius (politely, kindly). I am heartily glad!
Nyura (feigning indignation, Methodius). So! (Indignantly slaps himself on the knee.) Just appeared, and you are already bringing disunity into our friendly ranks!
Methodius (with cautious interest). What am I?
Nyura (played indignantly, Methodius). Who else?
Methodius (with cautious interest, feigned). What have I done to you, O beautiful one?
Nyura (played indignantly, Methodius). Well, how? So, it was very nice to meet Vedana! You see, you are heartily glad to Agnes! And he just answered me – let's get acquainted. What are you, a tattered lovelace, aren't you glad to see me?
Methodius (with a cautious attack). How can I not be glad? Where did I sit down?
Nyura (played indignantly, Methodius). Where to?
Methodius (with a cautious attack). Take off your charming eyes, and take a closer look. If I wasn't happy, I wouldn't be sitting next to you. And if I sat down, then I'm glad!
Vedana (with a joyful sly smile). It turns out I'm glad too!
Agnes (feigning sadness). And it turns out I'm not happy?
Methodius (twisting out, to Agnes). Im (Pointing to Nyura and Vedana.) I'm just glad! And you, gorgeous, I'm glad to heartily! (Sighs.) Fuf …
friends, generally satisfied with the answer, nod with understanding.
Methodius got out of it. He is pleased with himself, glances furtively at one, then at another, then at a third passion. Babonki are embarrassed. They look away. Grandfather, the prankster is still that. Winks, plays along with facial expressions, which further embarrasses her friends.
Nyura can't stand it, her rebellious nature rushes into battle again.
Nyura (indignantly, to Methodius). So! Stop shooting eyes here. Better tell me, dear man, why did you fall on our heads like that. You haven't been here before, have you?
Methodius (complacently). It wasn't, that's right. Now, therefore, there is!
Vedana (insistently, to Methodius). Uh, you don't shirk the topic! From where did you come to us, sokolik? Please give an exhaustive explanation, in all its form! Strictly speaking, so to speak!
Agnes (nodding to her friend).
Methodius glares at the grannies, rises with a sly smile, stands at attention, reports.
Methodius (reports). Kondratyukov Methodius Pankratievich. A native of the Saratov region, but for a long time already in fact a man of the world. I have visited many places, lived many places, changed many professions. Now the official status