The Path to Yourself. Aigerim Dautova
Rose finished the last éclair in the fridge and did what she knew best. She called in sick so as not to appear in the office for a week.
She got out of the smoky taxi cab and pressed the bell push. The heavy door immediately opened. Déjà vu. A marble table, fashion magazines, flower vase, light-colored walls with abstract paintings on them. Rose had seen it all hundreds, if not thousands of times on her phone’s screen. Dina recorded Instagram stories every day, in this very interior. A familiar voice came from the kitchen. The woman that voice belonged to was rebuking her housemaid for something. Then she quickly walked into the living room, sat opposite Rose, and opened her daily planner. Unknown places, people, names. There was a flood of information, and Rose struggled to keep up with it and to maintain her composure.
“Any questions?”
“Yes!”
But Dina didn’t listen to her. She silently disappeared with a heap of papers in her hands.
Rose tried to decipher what she had just written, but her eyes were blurred with tears. With her body shaking, she slid onto the floor. She lay curled up in the fetal position and wept, ignoring the terrified housemaid who was buzzing about her with a towel. Someone made her drink an entire teapot of some herbal infusion, sweet and lukewarm; it had a soporific effect. And then, there was finally silence.
“Still breathing?” A woman’s voice echoed throughout the room.
Rose looked up and met someone’s intent gaze.
“Where am I?”
“At work, as far as I understand.”
The blue eyes moved away, and Rose was able to make out a young girl with a full head of blonde hair.
“I’m so sorry. I – I didn’t mean to – ”
“I bet. No one would want to screw up on the first day.” The girl was looking directly in Rose’s eyes.
Rose shivered. She got up from the sofa and headed towards the door. On her way out, she saw her planner lying on the stranger’s lap. The girl held her hand possessively on the open pages.
“The restroom is on your left!” the blonde girl shouted after her.
“Oh no, I just – ”
“Wanted to leave?”
“No, why would I?”
“Umph – ”
“Could I?”
“You can do anything.”
“I’d just like some water.”
“Aunt Sally, bring some water!”
“Thank you.”
“It’s Monday.”
“Pardon?”
“There are tons of tasks on Monday. I can help you. If you want, of course.”
The girl handed the planner over to its rightful owner.
Rose nodded and sat back down.
They spent the whole day driving around various joints, markets, and shabby offices. The glamorous star turned out to be the owner of a cheap restaurant chain and commodity stores. Poverty-stricken parts of the city, back-breaking labor, and unpresentable public provided money for the beautiful life everyone saw on Instagram. Behind every Chanel bag or Celine dress there was day-to-day work with suppliers, staff, and consumers. Dina worked like crazy. With her sleeves rolled up high, she had her finger on the pulse of a huge enterprise.
What she showed on social networks was another part of her personality. This life consisted of five-star hotels and fancy boutiques, endless shopping, impressive parties with expensive champagne and beautiful people. There was no room for any flaws, sadness, or failure. The two parallel realities were completely separate and could never intersect, but they both had the same goal – money. Dina used every opportunity to increase her income, tirelessly adapting to the demands of the great Kingdom of Consumption. Ella – that was the blonde girl’s name – had once been a part of both worlds, a faithful assistant, a companion, but something forced her to leave and fall off the radar for a long time. Today she returned, albeit secretly. No questions asked, Rose followed the girl everywhere and tried to retain at least something in her memory.
“Do you need a ride?” Ella was scribbling in Rose’s planner, adding new tasks and crossing out what had already been done.
“It would be nice, thank you! And thanks for the help!”
“Get enough sleep. There’ll be even more to do tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at ten.”
“Even more? Is it always like this?”
“What the hell did you expect? An endless extravaganza? You’d better get used to it, sis.”
That last block before her house, Rose decided to go on foot. She was rehearsing her speech for Paul, counting the pros on her fingers, finding excuses for cons. The air in the corridor was close and heavy with the smell of pizza and beer. The sofa creaked – must’ve been an old spring – and then came a lazy shuffle of footsteps. It was approaching the deceptress who was ready to come clean.
“Where have you been?” Paul was holding an unfinished beer can.
“I’ve got a new job.” Rose didn’t look him in the eyes and refused to approach him, as if he was no husband of hers but a scalding hot pan.
“Are you kidding?”
“No. They pay almost twice as much.” Rose pulled out her trump card which was the only trump card up her sleeve so far.
“What’s the company? And position?” A shadow passed over Paul’s face.
“I’ll be an assistant to a famous blogger. Her name’s Dina. You’ve probably heard of her.”
Pause.
“Are you mad? Running errands for an Internet whore?”
“She’s not… She owns a restaurant chain and a chain of stores, she’s a serious businesswoman. This is a great opportunity!”
“Why on Earth do you need it?”
“I can travel with her – to Europe, or Japan, or the US, anywhere! There’s insurance, social benefits, overtime paycheck… Everything is paid for. We do need some money, after all. That’s why.”
“You’ve never even left the city, and now you want to see half the world at once! Isn’t it a bit too much? Besides, what kind of fool would pay for all this? She’s lying!”
“How can you be so sure?”
“It’s just too good to be true. She’s gonna kick you out or set you up. And in the office, they’ll quickly find a replacement. You will lose your job, mind you.”
“Dina is a business owner. You should see the scale! Why would she want to set me up?”
“Why? Because there are no miracles! One cannot just get paid handsomely for nothing!”
For the second time that day, Rose cried on the cold bathroom floor. Alone, without any support or a cup of warm tea. Her inner voice got louder and louder until, by midnight, it burst into a scream. Torn into a thousand pieces, she made a choice.
Chapter 4
Rose grabbed some random clothes, put them on, and ran out on a crowded street, hungry but determined.
“Where to?” The taxi driver lit a cigarette and threw the lighter into an empty coffee cup.
“Here.”
The man entered Dina’s address into the navigator and a puff of cigarette smoke filled the interior of the car.
Holding her planner in her