The First Time Mums’ Club. Lucie Wheeler
from the pressure applied to create the crimson circles on Zoe’s cheeks. The girls had joked that their mum’s face went the same colour. She had her pocket money removed that week and she never used her mum’s make-up again. That was when she started buying her own and Zoe was the perfect model to practise on. And now she got to do it for real, every day. Although she saved the clown faces for special occasions. And then there was art class at school. Ellie wasn’t a grade-A student, but in art she totally aced it. When Zoe was bringing home straight A’s in every subject and making their parents proud as punch, Ellie was bringing home an array of C’s and D’s and making their parents exhale in frustration that she ‘wasn’t more like Zoe.’ They didn’t even acknowledge the A* in art because it wasn’t a subject that they saw would get her anywhere in life.
Well, who’s laughing now?
Her phone chimed to indicate a message and she swiped it up quickly for something to do with her hands. Minimising the stopwatch, she opened the message.
Hey. Sorry I haven’t been in touch recently. I was just a bit freaked out about what happened between us that night.
You’re not the only one, she thought as she scrolled down.
I don’t want things to change between us. Are we OK?
She felt a strange feeling in her stomach as she read Chris’s message. She had known Chris practically all her life. They’d grown up together on the same street and became firm friends at the tender age of six when Ellie stood up for Chris against some older boys, who were picking on him for having ginger hair. ‘I like your hair,’ she would often say to him. But that didn’t stand up against the nasty taunts of ginge and carrot top that he frequently got from others. Not that he had that problem nowadays. His hair had darkened into a nice deep red as he grew older and it was actually shaved now anyway. He had certainly grown into a gorgeous man, but they had stayed firm friends – most of the time. They occasionally strayed into dangerous territory, especially where drink was involved.
Throughout high school and starting their own careers, Chris and Ellie still hung out together and were regulars in each other’s lives. Their friendship was on a completely different level to any other friendship she had, or probably ever would. The closeness between them would challenge a married couple of twenty years, yet that was all they ever remained as: friends. Because they didn’t work as anything else.
Which made what happened the other night even worse. They should never have slept together again. They said after the last time that they wouldn’t do it again because it was starting to affect their friendship. Being friends with benefits was a good laugh, but it made things complicated. She had watched him fall in love and have his heart broken – which had broken her own heart a little bit, too. Watching him fall deeper into despair and not being able to stop him. It had taken him years to get over what Chloe had done to him and Ellie had not wasted any time in making sure that that bitch knew exactly where she stood on the matter.
But what with a few too many Sambucas and a killer new dress that she’d bought, which clung to all the right places around her sleek, well-toned body, one thing had led to another and they’d found themselves in a hotel room at the function they had been at. She woke up the next day, frustrated at giving in to Chris again, so being the idiot that she was, she had just left. Just like that. She knew things were bad when he didn’t contact her for a bit, but she had left it too long and then it became a thing. She tried so hard to not make a big deal out of it that, as a result of her being so blasé, she did make it a thing. Then she was too far in and couldn’t come back from it. It was a weird feeling because up until then, any problems she’d ever had, she’d always gone straight to Chris. Problems in the male department – call Chris. Problems at work – call Chris. Bad period pains and she needed (yes, needed) chocolate ice cream at 11pm – yep, you got it, call Chris. And he was always there. Always. Never asking questions. Good old reliable Chris. They always came back from their awkwardness after sleeping together, but this time she felt different. She felt really emotional about it all and that fact alone pissed her off – she didn’t do emotion.
So why was it so hard to talk to him now? She typed a response and pressed send.
Don’t be silly, I didn’t even notice. Been so busy with work and stuff.
That was a lie. She had thought about it. She thought of nothing else. A reply beeped back almost instantly.
Good. I don’t want things to change between us, so don’t go all weird on me now. We agreed – remember!
He added a geeky smiley. It did make her smile.
Oh please, don’t flatter yourself. Now go away I’m working!
She went to press send, but hesitated. She went back into the message and added a kiss. Nodding to herself, she went to press send again but decided last minute to delete the kiss. Exhaling with frustration she added the kiss and pressed the send icon. Since when did she agonise over what to text him?
She got thumbs up in return. That was it. No kiss. But did it matter? She didn’t know any more. Because as much as she wanted to act fine, she wasn’t fine. It had made things weird. And she was about to find out why.
Her phone started beeping again and it was a split second before she realised it wasn’t another text but the alarm. It was time.
She walked over to the windowsill on the other side of the bathroom and turned the white stick over.
‘Shit,’ she whispered, and began to cry.
*****
Pippa
‘The usual, Pip?’
Pippa shook her head as she took out her purse from the floral Cath Kidston bag she wore over one shoulder. ‘No, I’m off the caffeine now. I’ll take a decaf tea with soya milk, please.’ She paused as she saw Zoe’s face in response to her request. ‘What?’
‘Decaf… with soya? What’s the reasoning?’
‘I don’t have to have a reason for trying something new, do I?’ She pulled her deep-brown plait over her shoulder and began to play with the end, purely for something to do with her hands.
Zoe looked at her suspiciously and Pippa found it hard to keep the smile hidden that was already creeping across her face. The two women stood for a couple of minutes looking at each other, neither one of them wanting to be the first to break the stare. Pippa, with the smile creeping ever so slowly over her lips and Zoe, keeping her hard stare of suspicion.
Eventually Pippa cracked. ‘Okay, fine. I am watching what I eat from now on.’ She gave her that snippet, but that was all. She released the smile – she was enjoying this tease. The excitement was bubbling in the pit of her stomach, ready to explode from her in a torrent of words and squeals. But not yet, she needed to keep her cool and wait for the right moment.
‘And why would you be doing that?’ Zoe asked, and Pippa saw the corners of her mouth starting to turn up. She knew. She had blatantly guessed.
‘Why do you think?’
‘You’re not?’
‘Not what?’
‘Stop it, you know what I mean!’ Zoe was springing up and down on her feet like an excitable five-year-old that had just been told they were flying to Disneyland, her choppy blonde bob bouncing around her face.
Pippa squeaked and nodded.
‘Oh my God, you’re pregnant?’ Zoe shouted, throwing her arms up and slapping them down onto her head.
Pippa immediately shushed her and looked around at the café full of customers. Laughing, she said, ‘Alright, the whole world doesn’t want to know.’
‘Eeek! Pip!’ Zoe rushed