Crystal Garden. Evelina Bash
hand. “Peace?”
“Peace,” I shook his hand. “I’m sorry.”
Suddenly I felt ashamed. He is my best friend, always together and all that, and I’m behaving like this. Who knows, what if I didn’t let go off my feelings and there could be something between him and Anna. Everything could be different.
“It’s OK. Still it was cool to fight with you,” he smiled. “That’s what we need friends for, right?” and we laughed.
For the St. Valentine’s Day I was preparing very thoroughly. No wonder. There was nothing more important in my life than to ask a girl for the first dance. I put on my best jeans and even ironed my shirt. Bruises on my face were almost gone and I was attractive again. At least that’s what I thought. Sunny, though formally he gave up his claims on Anna, dressed up as a bridegroom and even used some perfume.
But to our great disappointment the first dance with Anna was won by that fat guy Martin. It could be anybody, but Martin! We thought that he was the main nerd at school, mostly because he was always poking his nose everywhere and was eager to express his competent opinion, but the adults adored him. “Such a smart boy!” Yes, and prompt, he danced all night with our girl. Sunny was really amused.
“Let’s go and beat him?” He chuckled, nudging me with his elbow. “Let’s go, huh?” I knew he didn’t say that to tease me and I was no longer angry at him. But I was mad at the rest of the world and its unspeakable injustice. If only I knew then what the real injustice is. Anyway I have to say that I didn’t come up to Anna, neither at that party, nor even until the following May. But we come back to that later.
2
That year Sunny’s parents sent him to the summer camp somewhere near Berlin, and I stayed home. Three weeks I spent loitering around having no idea where to put myself. I was bored. Computer and TV did not fascinate me, and I didn’t read books. And then I got this idea to draw comics. I don’t remember why or how, but I started to picture beautiful Amazons, who lived in their magical world and fought with the army of demons using their magic. I bought a dozen of different comics and at first tried to imitate them, but then started to make up myself. That’s how all of a sudden I discovered the talent of artist.
Of course, I draw comics about Her. My great Warrior of Light fighting for good and justice. What an irony! Of course, I dreamed of her. Only of her. Of course, I was afraid to come up to her. Doubts… So much time wasted because of doubt and uncertainty. I was afraid of failure. What if she does not want to talk to me? What if she laughs at me? I thought I could not bear it… Now I know I can go through something much worse and survive.
But that summer everything went wrong. Sunny came back from the camp and was constantly talking about his new friends. He told me how they ran away at nights from the camp and had fun in Berlin. How they met some university guys and they helped them to get into one of the coolest clubs in the city. I was jealous and envious, I could not even dream about such adventures.
Gradually, we began to drift apart. Sunny was always hanging out with his new friends whom I did not like, and I was busy with my comic book. If I only knew how little time was left for us, I would have done anything just to spend that time with him. But I didn’t know. It seemed to me that he betrayed me. In fact, probably it was me, who betrayed him. I was too occupied with my personal drama with Anna to pay attention to his sudden and strange metamorphoses, though I noticed them almost immediately. Sunny became unsociable, his mood changed twenty times an hour. One minute he was happy and shining, the other he was depressed or even aggressive. Everyone thought he was just growing up and these are just usual teenage problems… But when the time to raise the alarm comes, it will be too late.
That day Sunny and I skipped classes. It was the end of November, and it snowed. First snow that year with such a big and fluffy snowflakes. We walked through the park. There was large and old apple garden at that time, right next to the school. Tree-lined paths, wooden benches, a pond with ducks and humpbacked bridge. It was a crowded place in summer: under every apple tree – picnics, sweethearts, artists, and those who like to read outdoors. But that day there was nobody at all. Snow was falling since morning, and the trees bowed under the white caps. Sunny was happy as a child. He was running on the fresh snow, picked it up and tossed into the air. I looked at him and laughed, but all of a sudden he fell on his knees. His shoulders were shaking. I did not see his face and at first I thought he was laughing too. It lasted probably less than a minute, but it seemed eternity. I rushed to him. He was sitting with his hands scooping snow and was looking in front of him. The tears were rolling from his eyes. For the very first time I noticed how blue his eyes were, like the sky in January. And the teardrops were just huge.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked, sitting beside him.
There came no reaction from him. He continued to stare at one point. It seemed that he didn’t even wink.
“Sunny,” I slightly patted him on the shoulder. “Hey, what happened? Tell me.”
He closed his eyes, but didn’t make a sound. The snow kept falling down and melted on his cheeks, mingling with his tears. I was embarrassed. I have never seen him crying. We were sitting like that for a long time. My jeans were wet from the snow. His hands seemed to be freezing, as he put them into his pockets, but he didn’t change his position. I felt that I was getting cold too and already wanted to offer to go home, when Sunny spoke.
“We were at that club. Seven of us. Only me and Alex were fourteen, others were older, they study at uni. We had two girls with us. Real beauties. They bought us some beer and allowed to dance with them. We thought it was so cool and we were like adults. And then they offered us to try something interesting to have more fun…”
He paused, I patiently waited. Assumptions, one worse than another, were appearing in my mind, but I didn’t dare ask him to continue. To be honest, I just did not want to know the truth.
“They offered us some pills,” with some effort Sunny rose to his feet. His knees were wet with snow, but he didn’t even shake it off. “I couldn’t say “no”,” he said quietly and started to walk away.
I kept sitting for a while trying to reflect on his words, then I rose and went after him.
“Sunny, you…” I started to say, but couldn’t finish. He stopped and slowly turned around. I can still see that look full of despair, hopelessness and fear.
“I’m an addict, Walter,” his voice broke, he turned and ran away. I ran after him, but soon fell behind. I didn’t want to catch up with him. I wanted to wake up. I wanted this conversation never happen. I wanted last summer never happen as well. I thought my world collapsed… How wrong I was! My world would collapse a little bit later.
Well whatever, but for a while everything was as before. Once again we were playing on the network in “shooters” and “strategies”, hanging around and playing football at the backyard. We almost didn’t talk about his addiction. From time to time Sunny started to open up and said he wanted to quit, but didn’t know how. He didn’t know with whom to talk about it or who to ask for help. He was afraid that if people at school find out there would be huge scandal. At best, he would be kicked out and sent to compulsory treatment, and it would be disgrace to his whole family and to our school as well. His parents, as ill luck would have it, were too busy with their own problems. Out of the blue they decided, after fifteen years of marriage, to divorce, as the son had kind of grown up and they had their second youth. So Sunny was almost alone in this fight, and I could not give him the necessary support. After all, I was only fifteen. I had no idea what to do. Best of all we have been able to pretend that nothing was happening.
3
One day after school, he came up to me. His cheeks flushed, his eyes glistened, and the pupils were of incredible size.
“Come with me,” he whispered, his voice was hoarse.
“Where to?” for some reason I also spoke in a whisper.
“One dude has a party,” he moved very close to me. “I want you to meet my friends.”
“Friends?” I asked trying to step