Dick Merriwell's Pranks: or, Lively Times in the Orient. Standish Burt L.
and Brad bounded down the stairs and reached her.
“Are you hurt, madam?” questioned Merriwell, his natural chivalry causing him to express anxiety for her first.
She spoke, and strange were the mumbling sounds which issued from her toothless mouth. “I’ve sost my seesh in thish dishgrashful affairsh,” she answered. “Be sho kindsh to reshtorsh my seesh, pleash.”
“Here madam,” said Dick, picking up something, “are part of them.”
“And here, madam,” said Brad, also picking something up, “are the rest of them.”
She hastily slipped them into her mouth, while Mowbry Fitts began to kick and shout.
“Let me get up!” he called, in a muffled voice.
“Be quiet,” said Miss Ketchum, “until I have arranged my toilet.”
Her head was almost entirely devoid of hair.
“Perhaps this may assist you,” said Dick, discovering her wig and handing it to her.
“Help!” called the husky voice of Professor Gunn. “I’m smothering! I can’t breathe!”
“You don’t deserve to breathe,” said Miss Ketchum, calmly adjusting the wig. “You are two indecent creatures, and I am sure you have disgraced me forever.”
Major Fitts was becoming frantic.
“I’m dying!” he groaned.
“I’m dead!” came faintly from Professor Gunn.
By this time scores of guests had reached the spot and stood asking questions. Others were coming. The whole house had been aroused.
“Dick,” said Brad, “I do believe the professor is smothering! She’s sitting on his head, and his struggles are growing weaker.”
“Lift her, Brad,” said Merriwell.
They caught hold of her and stood her on her feet.
“Water!” gasped the professor.
“Whisky!” wheezed the major.
They lay on their backs, having managed to roll over, gasping for breath.
Miss Ketchum looked down at them with an air of contempt.
“I hope,” she said, “that the proprietor has you both locked up as lunatics! You are the worst old fools I ever saw! So there!”
Then, declining assistance, she hurried up the stairs.
CHAPTER IV – THE CHALLENGE
The final words of Sarah Ann ere she pranced up the stairs did much to revive the professor and the major. They sat up and looked at each other. The expression on their faces was comical in the extreme.
“She meant you, sir!” rasped Gunn.
“She meant yo’, suh!” snapped Fitts.
“I think she plainly included both of you,” said Dick; “and I fancy it is the opinion of all present that she hit the nail on the head.”
“I don’t know about the nail,” groaned Zenas; “but I’m sure something hit me on the head. And that woman – that heartless jade – sat on me! She nearly finished me!”
“Had she completed the job,” declared the major, “it would have been a blessing, suh. It would have disposed of a pestiferous, weak-minded, addle-pated, goggle-eyed – ”
“Hold on! Stop right there!” cried Zenas. “That will do! You have reached the limit, sir – the limit!”
“Yo’ may think so, suh; but yo’ll find this is far from the limit. I am a man of honor, and I demand satisfaction. I demand blood!”
“He’s a butcher!” chuckled Brad.
“You have it already,” said Zenas. “Your nose is bleeding, sir.”
“You know what I mean. I demand that you meet me in mortal combat. You escaped me once, but you shall not escape again. I caught you sneaking around the door of Miss Ketchum’s room and – ”
“I caught you there, you fabricator!” flung back the professor.
At this point the proprietor of the hotel appeared on the scene and promptly announced that he would not have such things in his house. He threatened to eject them both, whereupon Dick hastened to assure the angry man that he would take care of the professor and see that there was no further disturbance.
Then Dick and Brad lifted Zenas to his feet and started him up the stairs, one on either side.
“You shall hear from me again!” cried the major, in defiance of those who had raised him and were dragging him away.
“Bah, sir!” Zenas flung over his shoulder.
“Boo, suh!” Fitts hurled back.
“Slowly, slowly, boys!” groaned the old pedagogue. “I feel as if all my joints were dislocated and half my bones were broken. It’s a wonder my head is not mashed flat, for that woman – that creature – sat on it! Then she called me an old fool!”
“But,” said Dick, “you know you could spend your life at her feet, listening to the musical murmur of her heavenly voice.”
“Her voice sounds like tearing a rag!” sneered Zenas. “She’s all skin and bones, and – ”
“Why, professor!” interrupted Brad. “I heard you assert that her form had the grace of a gazelle.”
“Never – never said it! She’s a hatchet-faced old – ”
“Tut! tut!” chided Dick. “You know you admired her the first time you beheld her intellectual and classic countenance.”
“Now stop it, boys! Did you see her glare at me with those fishy eyes?”
“Awful!” exclaimed Dick. “You called her eyes limpid lakes.”
“I deny it! I deny it! And she has false teeth, for I heard her mumble that she lost them when she fell.”
“You distinctly stated,” reminded Buckhart, “that her teeth were pearls beyond price.”
“I think they cost about eleven dollars a set,” estimated Dick.
“And her golden halo of hair came off in the shuffle,” said the Texan. “She’s as bald as a billiard ball.”
“Say no more!” entreated Zenas. “Get me to my room and spread me on the bed. Boys, if you ever tell of this – if you ever even mention it again – I’ll send you both back home!”
By this time they had reached their rooms, and they helped the old fellow to the bed, on which he slowly sank, groaning as if in great distress.
“Bring me my medicine, Richard,” he entreated. “I must have a small dose. You will find it in my medicine case. The leather-covered flask, Richard. That’s it. Never mind pouring any. I’ll take it directly from the flask. It is a harmless tonic, and I need it greatly just now.”
He took a long pull at the leather-covered flask. After that he lay back and closed his eyes for a moment. Suddenly they popped open and he exclaimed:
“To think that creature should call me an old fool!”
“But you know pearls of wisdom drop from her sweet lips,” laughed Dick.
“And she is a lofty-minded, angelic girl,” added Brad.
“Get out of here, you two rascals!” cried the old man. “You’re laughing at me, you ungrateful scamps! Do you want to drive me crazy? Leave me to meditate on the frailty of human flesh.”
The laughing lads retired to the adjoining room.
“Well, one good thing happened,” said Dick; “it cured him of his foolishness over Sarah Ann.”
“He sure is well cured,” agreed Buckhart.
There