Great Porter Square: A Mystery. Volume 1. Farjeon Benjamin Leopold
He growled at me.
Mr. White Lush: What did you do then?
Witness: I went down to the kitchen, and fell into a doze.
Mr. White Lush: For how long did you doze?
Witness: I can’t rightly say, sir. About arf-an-hour, perhaps.
Mr. White Lush: Was there a candle alight in the kitchen when you fell asleep?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Mr. White Lush: Was it a whole candle?
Witness: No, sir, it were arf burnt down.
Mr. White Lush: What kind of candles do you burn in your kitchen?
Witness: Taller dips, sir – twelves.
Mr. White Lush: For about how long will one of these tallow dips burn?
Witness: Three hours and more.
Mr. White Lush: Was the candle you left burning on your kitchen table when you fell into a doze alight when you awoke?
Witness: It were, sir, and it burnt blue.
Mr. White Lush: What do you mean by that?
Witness: I don’t know, sir. It burnt blue. There was something mysterious about it.
Magistrate: Perhaps the witness smelt sulphur also.
Mr. White Lush: Did you smell sulphur?
Witness: Not as I’m aware on, sir.
Mr. White Lush: When you awoke, was it a natural awaking, or were you suddenly aroused?
Witness: I were suddenly woke, and I was all of a tremble.
Mr. White Lush: You were frightened by something?
Witness: I were, sir, and I were not.
Mr. White Lush: I do not understand you. Was there anybody or anything in the room besides yourself?
Witness: I didn’t see nothink – not even a mouse.
Mr. White Lush: Then what were you frightened at?
Witness: It were a fancy, perhaps – or a dream that I couldn’t remember; and all at once I ’eerd a scream.
Mr. White Lush: From what direction?
Witness: From the next house, No. 119.
Mr. White Lush: You heard a scream proceeding from 119, the house in which the murder was committed?
Witness: As near as I can remember, sir.
Mr. White Lush: That is not what I want. You possess the usual number of senses, I suppose?
Witness: I defy anybody to say anything to the contrairy.
Mr. White Lush: You look like a sensible woman. (Here the witness made an elaborate curtsey to Mr. White Lush, which occasioned much laughter.) Your hearing is good?
Witness: It air, sir. Mrs. Beale was saying to me only yesterday morning, ‘Mrs. Preedy,’ says she —
Mr. White Lush: Never mind what Mrs. Beale was saying to you. Listen to what I am saying to you. On the occasion we are speaking of, you heard a scream?
Witness (after a long pause, during which she seemed to be mentally asking questions of herself): I think I may wenture to say, sir, I did.
Mr. White Lush: Ah, that is more satisfactory. Now, Mrs. Preedy, attend to me.
Witness: I’m a-doing of it, sir.
Mr. White Lush: Thank you. Did the scream proceed from a man or a woman?
Witness (with energy): I couldn’t tell you, sir, if you went down on your bended knees.
Mr. White Lush: Reflect a little; take time. You have heard hundreds of men’s and women’s voices —
Witness: Thousands, sir.
Mr. White Lush: And a woman of your discernment must have perceived a difference between them. Women’s tones are soft and dulcet; men’s, gruffer and more resonant. It is important we should know whether it was a man’s or a woman’s voice you heard?
Witness: It ain’t possible for me to say, sir.
Mr. White Lush: Is that really the only answer you can give?
Witness: I’d give you another if I could, sir. It’s true I’ve ’eerd thousands of men’s and women’s voices, but I’ve not been in the ’abit of ’aving thousands of men and women screaming at me.
Mr. White Lush: Was it a loud scream?
Witness: There was a brick wall between us, and it must ’ave been a loud scream, or I couldn’t have ’eerd it.
Mr. White Lush: What followed?
Witness: Music. Almost on the top of the scream, as a body might say, I ’eerd music.
Mr. White Lush: What instrument was being played upon?
Witness: The pianner, sir. I ’eerd the pianner playing.
Mr. White Lush: That is to say you heard a man or woman playing the piano?
Witness: I wouldn’t swear, sir.
Mr. White Lush: Or a child?
Witness: I wouldn’t swear, sir.
Mr. White Lush: But you have sworn. You say that you heard the sound of a piano?
Witness: I did ’ear it, sir. The pianner was playing.
Mr. White Lush: A piano can’t play of itself. You heard a man, or a woman, or a child, playing the piano?
Witness: Wild ’orses sha’n’t tear it from me, sir. It might ’ave been a spirit.
Mr. White Lush: What do you say to a cat?
Witness: No, sir, it ain’t reasonable.
Mr. White Lush: You stick to the spirit, then?
Witness: It might ’ave been.
Mr. White Lush: You believe in spirits?
Witness: I do, sir.
Mr. White Lush: Out of a bottle? (Laughter.)
Magistrate: The witness has the bottle-imp in her mind, perhaps? (Renewed laughter.)
Mr. White Lush: Very likely. (To witness): Did the spirit you heard playing come out of a bottle?
Witness (with dignity): I am not in the habit of making a beast of myself.
Mr. White Lush: But a little drop now and then, eh, Mrs. Preedy?
Witness: As a medicine, sir, only as a medicine. I suffer a martyrdom from spasms. (Laughter.)
Mr. White Lush: A common complaint, Mrs. Preedy. I suffer from them myself.
Witness: You look like it, sir. (Screams of laughter.)
Mr. White Lush: For how long a time did the music continue?
Witness: For five or six minutes, perhaps.
Mr. White Lush: Are you sure it did not last for a longer time – or a shorter?
Witness: No, sir, I am not sure. I was in that state that everythink seemed mixed up.
Mr. White Lush: The music might have lasted for half-an-hour?
Witness: It might, sir.
Mr. White Lush: Or for only a minute?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Mr. White Lush: When the music stopped, what occurred?
Witness: If you was to feed me on bread and water for the next twenty years I couldn’t tell you.
Mr. White Lush: Why couldn’t you tell me?
Witness: Because I don’t know whether I was standing on my ’ead or my ’eels. (Roars of laughter.)
Mr. White Lush: Nonsense, Mrs. Preedy, you do know.
Witness: Beggin’ your pardon, sir, I do not know.