The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable Comedy. Jerome Klapka Jerome
For various sufficient reasons.
Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers. So many of the Irish members have expressed themselves quite sympathetically.
Lady Mogton. We wish them to continue to do so. (Turns to St. Herbert.) I’m sorry.
St. Herbert. A leader of the Orange Party was opposed by a Nationalist, and the proceedings promised to be lively. They promised for a while to be still livelier, owing to the nomination at the last moment of the local lunatic.
Phoebe. (To Annys.) This is where we come in.
St. Herbert. There is always a local lunatic, who, if harmless, is generally a popular character. James Washington McCaw appears to have been a particularly cheerful specimen. One of his eccentricities was to always have a skipping-rope in his pocket; wherever the traffic allowed it, he would go through the streets skipping. He said it kept him warm. Another of his tricks was to let off fireworks from the roof of his house whenever he heard of the death of anybody of importance. The Returning Officer refused his nomination – which, so far as his nominators were concerned, was intended only as a joke – on the grounds of his being by common report a person of unsound mind. And there, so far as South-west Belfast was concerned, the matter ended.
Phoebe. Pity.
St. Herbert. But not so far as the Returning Officer was concerned. McCaw appears to have been a lunatic possessed of means, imbued with all an Irishman’s love of litigation. He at once brought an action against the Returning Officer, his contention being that his mental state was a private matter, of which the Returning Officer was not the person to judge.
Phoebe. He wasn’t a lunatic all over.
St. Herbert. We none of us are. The case went from court to court. In every instance the decision was in favour of the Returning Officer. Until it reached the House of Lords. The decision was given yesterday afternoon – in favour of the man McCaw.
Elizabeth. Then lunatics, at all events, are not debarred from going to the poll.
St. Herbert. The “mentally deficient” are no longer debarred from going to the poll.
Elizabeth. What grounds were given for the decision?
St. Herbert. (He refers again to his notes.) A Returning Officer can only deal with objections arising out of the nomination paper. He has no jurisdiction to go behind a nomination paper and constitute himself a court of inquiry as to the fitness or unfitness of a candidate.
Phoebe. Good old House of Lords!
Elizabeth. But I thought it was part of the Returning Officer’s duty to inquire into objections, that a special time was appointed to deal with them.
St. Herbert. He will still be required to take cognisance of any informality in the nomination paper or papers. Beyond that, this decision relieves him of all further responsibility.
Janet. But this gives us everything.
St. Herbert. It depends upon what you call everything. It gives a woman the right to go to the poll – a right which, as a matter of fact, she has always possessed.
Phoebe. Then why did the Returning Officer for Camberwell in 1885 —
St. Herbert. Because he did not know the law. And Miss Helen Taylor had not the means possessed by our friend McCaw to teach it to him.
Annys. (Rises. She goes to the centre of the room.)
Lady Mogton. Where are you going?
Annys. (She turns; there are tears in her eyes. The question seems to recall her to herself.) Nowhere. I am so sorry. I can’t help it. It seems to me to mean so much. It gives us the right to go before the people – to plead to them, not for ourselves, for them. (Again she seems to lose consciousness of those at the table, of the room.) To the men we will say: “Will you not trust us? Is it harm we have ever done you? Have we not suffered for you and with you? Were we not sent into the world to be your helpmeet? Are not the children ours as well as yours? Shall we not work together to shape the world where they must dwell? Is it only the mother-voice that shall not be heard in your councils? Is it only the mother-hand that shall not help to guide?” To the women we will say: “Tell them – tell them it is from no love of ourselves that we come from our sheltered homes into the street. It is to give, not to get – to mingle with the sterner judgments of men the deeper truths that God, through pain, has taught to women – to mingle with man’s justice woman’s pity, till there shall arise the perfect law – not made of man nor woman, but of both, each bringing what the other lacks.” And they will listen to us. Till now it has seemed to them that we were clamouring only for selfish ends. They have not understood. We shall speak to them of common purposes, use the language of fellow-citizens. They will see that we are worthy of the place we claim. They will welcome us as helpers in a common cause. They —
Lady Mogton. (After a pause.) The business (she dwells severely on the word) before the meeting —
Annys. (She resents herself meekly. Apologising generally.) I must learn to control myself.
Lady Mogton. (Who has waited.) – is McCaw versus Potts. Its bearing upon the movement for the extension of the franchise to women. My own view I venture to submit in the form of a resolution. (She takes up a paper on which she has been writing.) As follows: That the Council of the Woman’s Parliamentary Franchise League, having regard to the decision of the House of Lords in McCaw v. Potts —
St. Herbert. (Looking over.) Two t’s.
Lady Mogton. – resolves to bring forward a woman candidate to contest the next bye-election. (Suddenly to Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers, who is chattering.) Do you agree or disagree?
Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers. My dear! How can you ask? Of course we all agree. (To Elizabeth.) You agree, don’t you?
Elizabeth. Of course, even if elected, she would not be allowed to take her seat.
Phoebe. How do you know? Nothing more full of surprises than English law.
Lady Mogton. At the present stage I regard that point as immaterial. What I am thinking of is the advertisement. A female candidate upon the platform will concentrate the whole attention of the country on our movement.
St. Herbert. It might even be prudent – until you have got the vote – to keep it dark that you will soon be proceeding to the next inevitable step.
Elizabeth. You think even man could be so easily deceived!
St. Herbert. Man has had so much practice in being deceived. It comes naturally to him.
Elizabeth. Poor devil!
Lady Mogton. The only question remaining to be discussed is the candidate.
Annys. Is there not danger that between now and the next bye-election the Government may, having regard to this case, bring in a bill to stop women candidates from going to the poll?
St. Herbert. I have thought of that. Fortunately, the case seems to have attracted very little attention. If a bye-election occurred soon there would hardly be time.
Lady Mogton. It must be the very next one that does occur – wherever it is.
Janet. I am sure that in the East End we should have a chance.
Phoebe. Great Scott! Just think. If we were to win it!
St. Herbert. If you could get a straight fight against a Liberal I believe you would.
Annys. Why is the Government so unpopular?
St. Herbert. Well, take the weather alone – twelve degrees of frost again last night.
Janet. In St. George’s Road the sewer has burst. The water is in the rooms where the children are sleeping. (She clenches her hands.)
Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers. (She shakes her head.) Something ought really to be done.
Lady Mogton. Has anybody any suggestion to make? – as regards the candidate.