One Of Them. Lever Charles James
said Charles; “though I believe I remember the important ones.”
This last sally was again directed towards May, but she, apparently, did not hear it.
“Who knows but your patient upstairs may be well enough to meet her friends, May?” said Sir William.
“Perhaps so. I can’t tell,” answered she, vaguely; for she had but heard him imperfectly, and scarcely knew what she was replying.
CHAPTER VI. THE MEMBER FOR INCHABOGUE
Mr. O’Shea lay in his bed at the Bagni di Lucca. It was late in the afternoon, and he had not yet risen, being one of those who deem, to travesty the poet, —
That the best of all ways
To shorten our days
Is to add a few hours to the night, my dear.
In other words, he was ineffably bored and wearied, sick of the place, the people, and himself, and only wearing over the time as one might do the stated term of an imprisonment His agent – Mr. Mahony, the celebrated Mr. Miles Mahony, who was agent for all the Irish gentlemen of Mr. O’Shea’s politics, and who has either estates very much encumbered, or no estates at all – had written him that letter, which might be stereotyped in every agent’s office, and sent off indiscriminately by post, at due intervals, to any of the clients, for there was the same bead-roll of mishaps and calamities Ireland has been suffering under for centuries. Take any traveller or guide-book experience of the land, and it is a record of rain that never ceased. The Deluge was a passing April shower compared to the national climate. Ask any proprietor, however, more especially if a farmer, and he would tell you, “We’re ruined, entirely ruined, with the drought,” – perhaps he ‘d have called it “druth.” “If the rain doesn’t fall before twenty-four hours, there will be no potatoes, no grass, no straw, the wheat won’t fill, the cattle will be destroyed,” and so on; just as if the whole population was not soaked through like a wet sponge, and the earth a sludge of mud and swamp, to which Holland seems a sand-bank in comparison! Then came the runaway tenants, only varied by those who couldn’t be induced to “run” on any terms. There was the usual “agrarian outrage,” with the increased police force quartered on the barony in consequence, and perhaps a threat of a special commission, with more expense besides. There was the extract of the judge’s charge, saying that he never remembered so “heavy a calendar,” the whole winding up with an urgent appeal to send over ten or twenty pounds to repair the chapel or the priest’s house, or contribute to some local object, “at your indifference to which there is very great discontent at this moment.”
A pleasant postcript also mentioned that a dissolution of Parliament was daily expected, and that it would be well you ‘d “come home and look after the borough, where the Tories were working night and day to increase their influence.”
“Bad luck to them for Tories!” muttered he, as he threw the crumpled document from him. “I ‘d have been well off to-day if it was n’t for them. There’s no telling the money the contested elections cost me, while, to make out that I was a patriot, I could n’t take a place, but had to go on voting and voting out of the purity of my motives. It was an evil hour when I took to politics at all. Joe! Joe!” cried he, aloud, following up the appeal with a shrill whistle.
“Tear and ages, sure the house isn’t on fire!” said a man, rushing into the room with an air and manner that little indicated the respect due from a servant to his master; “not to say,” added he, “that it’s not dacent or becomin’ to whistle after me, as if I was a tarrier or a bull-dog.”
“Hold your prate, will you?” said Mr. O’Shea.
“Why would I? ‘Tis humiliated I am before all in the place.”
“Will you hold your prate?” muttered his master, in a deeper tone, while, stretching forth his hand, he seemed in search of any missile to hurl at his mutinous follower.
“If I do, then, it’s undher protest, mind that I put it on record that I ‘m only yieldin’ to the ‘vis magiory.’”
“What o’clock is it?” yawned out O’Shea.
“It wants a trifle of four o’clock.”
“And the day, – what’s it like?”
“Blazin’ hot – hotter than yesterday – ‘hotter than New Orleens,’ Mr. Quackinbosh says.”
“D – n Mr. Quackinbosh, and New Orleens too!” growled out O’Shea.
“With all my heart. He’s always laughing at what he calls my Irish, as if it was n’t better than his English.”
“Any strangers arrived?”
“Devil a one. Ould Pagnini says he ‘ll be ruined entirely; there never was such a set, he says, in the house before, – nothing called for but the reg’lar meals, and no wine but the drink of the country, that is n’t wine at all.”
“He’s an insolent scoundrel!”
“He is not. He is the dacentest man I seen since I come to Italy.”
“Will you hold your prate, or do you want me to kick you downstairs?”
“I do not!” said he, with a stern doggedness that was almost comic.
“Did you order breakfast?”
“I did, when I heard you screech out. ‘There he is,’ said ould Pan; ‘I wish he ‘d be in the same hurry to call for his bill.’”
“Insolent rascal! Did you blacken his eye?”
“I did not”
“What did you do, then?”
“I did nothing.”
“What did you say? You’re ready enough with a bad tongue when it’s not called for, – what did you say?”
“I said people called for their bills when they were lavin’ a house, and too lucky you ‘ll be, says I, if he pays it when he calls for it.”
This seemed too much for Mr. O’Shea’s endurance, for he sprang out of bed and hurled a heavy old olive-wood inkstand at his follower. Joe, apparently habituated to such projectiles, speedily ducked his head, and the missile struck the frame of an old looking-glass, and carried away a much-ornamented but very frail chandelier at its side.
“There’s more of it,” said Joe. “Damage to furniture in settin’-room, forty-six pauls and a half.” With this sage reflection, he pushed the fragments aside with his foot, and then, turning to the door, he took from the hands of a waiter the tray containing his master’s breakfast, arranging it deliberately before him with the most unbroken tranquillity of demeanor.
“Did n’t you say it was chocolate I’d have instead of coffee?” said O’Shea, angrily.
“I did not; they grumble enough about sending up anything, and I was n’t goin’ to provoke them,” said Joe, calmly.
“No letters, I suppose, but this?”
“Sorra one.”
“What’s going on below?” asked he, in a more lively tone, as though dismissing an unpleasant theme. “Any one come, – anything doing?”
“Nothing; they ‘re all off to that villa to spend the day, and not to be back till late at night.”
“Stupid fun, after all; the road is roasting, and the place, when you get there, not worth the trouble; but they ‘re so proud of visiting a baronet, that’s the whole secret of it, those vulgar Morgans and that Yankee fellow.”
These mutterings he continued while he went on dressing, and though not intended to be addressed to Joe, he was in no wise disconcerted when that free-and-easy individual replied to them.
“‘Your master ‘s not coming with us, I believe,’ said Mrs. Morgan to me. ‘I’m sure, however, there must have been a mistake. It ‘s so strange that he got no invitation.’
“‘But