Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 66, No 409, November 1849. Various
in the packet, though." – "Think I remember seeing the white fellow at Cadiz; almost sure I did; and afterwards again at Madrid. Always wore his hair in that way, well floured and larded, except when it was too hot, and combed down straight on each side of his ugly face." – "What a nose! Prodigious! A regular proboscis." – "Yes, and all on one side, like the rudder of a barge." – "Let me tell you, a very good thing; for if it was straight, it would be always in his way." – "Always in his way? Why it would trip him up when he walked." —Omnes, "Ha, ha, ha." – "Going with us, do you say? Hope he don't snore. Why, such a tromba as that would keep a whole line-of-battle ship awake." – "Bet you a dollar he's blind of one eye." – "Done." "Done. Book it, major." – "I'll trouble you for a dollar. He does walk a little sideways, but it isn't his eye." – "What is it, then? One-eyed people always walk sideways." – "Why, I'll tell you, now. It's a principle which most people observe through life." – "What principle?" – "Guess." – "Come, tell us, old fellow. None of your nonsense." – "D'ye give it up?" – "Yes, I give it up. Come, tell us." – "Follow your nose." —Omnes, "Ha, ha, ha." – "Capital! capital! That's the best we've had for some time. Follow your nose! Capital! Ha, ha, ha." – "Well, that's it, depend upon it. Other people follow their noses by walking straight forward. That white fellow walks sideways, but still follows his nose." – "No, no, major. Your theory is fallacious. When he walks his nose points backwards. His nose points over his left shoulder, and he walks right shoulders forward." I looked at Gingham, and laughed. Gingham was looking rather grave, and feeling his nose. "No, no. I tell you he walks left shoulders forward." – "Bet you a dollar." – "Done." – "Done. Book it, major." – "I'll trouble you for a dollar. Saw him this morning, all in a bustle. Took particular notice of his nose." – "Who is the young chap?" – "Oh, he's a regular Johnny Newcome, that's evident." – "Johnny Newcome? Yes; but I wish he wasn't such a chap for john dories. Price in the market is doubled." Gingham laughed and looked at me. "Suppose he's a sub going out to join his regiment." – "No, no. Got such lots of baggage. No regimental officer would be ass enough to take such a heap of trunks. Load for three mules." – "He'll soon knock up. Those long fellows always knock up." – "Shouldn't wonder if he gets the fever next autumn. Then what will his mammy say?" – "Well, but what did they dine about? Thousand pities we did not join them." – "Oh, I suppose it was something of a parting feed; taking leave of Old England, you know: toasting Miss Ann Chovy, Miss Mary Gold, Miss Polly Anthus, and all that kind of thing." – "Hang it all; a good dinner for eight people; thousand pities we missed it."
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