Chambers's Journal of Popular Literature, Science, and Art, No. 708. Various
I want to ask you to give me ten pounds. I have spent all my money.'
Oddly enough, he did not know that I was entirely without money. I had thought it sufficient to tell him only that my dear mother's income died with her, not wishing to pain him with the knowledge that I had been so nearly destitute. I think he imagined that I had a small income of my own, and as I avoided the subject, did not like to appear curious about it. Even now, I believe that he did not suspect me to be entirely penniless, merely supposing that I had spent all that I had in hand. The five-and-twenty pounds had been expended to the last shilling in furbishing up my modest wardrobe, and for small incidental expenses in the way of my share towards the cottages, &c. I had shrunk from the idea of making him acquainted with the state of my finances; knowing how large-hearted he was, and how much would be forced upon me if he once guessed my need. Mrs Tipper was always protesting against the value and number of the offerings which found their way to the cottage, whilst Lilian and I were afraid of expressing a wish in his presence.
It was all very different now. It would cheer and comfort him by-and-by to reflect that I was able to ask a favour of him just at this crisis. Had I not been so sorely pressed as I was, it would still have been as well to ask him.
'Ten pounds!' he ejaculated, stopping short in his walk to gaze at me in the greatest astonishment; asking himself, I think, if this was the explanation of the change which he had observed in me. 'I am utterly ashamed of my stupidity in allowing you to name such a thing; though I am sure you will do me the justice to attribute it solely to want of thought!'
'You see I do not mind asking you, Philip.'
'Mind indeed; of course you do not! I will run back at once and write a cheque.'
'No; please do not – not if you have as much as ten pounds with you. Just now, I want only that.'
'Ten pounds! Take what I have about me!' hastily taking out his purse, and putting it into my hand.
'But indeed I could not take all this!' I returned, seeing that the purse contained several notes as well as gold. 'I do not want any more than ten pounds.'
'Nonsense; don't make a fuss over such a trifle.'
But I separated two five-pound notes from the rest, and was very decided about his taking back the purse.
'Then I shall of course send a cheque as soon as I get back. By the way, Mary, I am making arrangements for the settlement of three hundred a year upon you; and of course all is yours, absolutely, in the event of' —
I broke down for a few moments, leaning against the stile where we were standing.
'Nay, Mary' – Then I think that he saw something more in my face than even the allusion to his death seemed to warrant. He went on with grave anxiety: 'I fear you are not well. Is your hand painful?'
Ah, my hand – how thankful I was for the suggestion! I slipped it under my cloak, dragged away the bandage, which again opened the wound.
'Bleeding afresh! You must really have it seen to, Mary.'
'O no; it is really a very trifling affair.' In my misery and despair, I almost laughed at the idea of being able to feel any physical pain.
He assisted me to tighten the bandage again. But I presently knew that it would not do to have his hands touching me and his face close to mine in this way; so, with a little brusque remark about his want of skill (ah Philip, had you known what it cost me!), I declared that my hand required no more fussing over. I had the parting to go through, and needed all my nerve. First, I must make sure of his not coming down to the cottage for two or three days.
'You said you expect to be very much engaged; and therefore I suppose we shall not see you again until the end of the week – Friday or Saturday, perhaps?'
This was Tuesday, and I wanted to make sure of two clear days.
'I will contrive to run down before that, if you wish it, Mary.'
'No; I too have much to do. Do not come before Friday.'
'Very well. You will tell me then which day you have decided upon, since you will not say now.'
I had waived the decision as to which day the wedding was to take place; and I did so again, merely repeating 'Friday.'
'All right; take care of yourself; and be sure to have the hand seen to.' He was stooping down to give me the customary kiss before crossing the stile; but I took his two hands in mine, and looked up into his face, I think as calmly and steadily as I had prayed for strength to do.
'God bless you, Philip.' Then I put my arms about his neck, lifted up my face to his, and kissed him. 'Good-bye, dear Philip.'
I saw an expression of surprise, a slight doubt and hesitation in his eyes. He had not found me so demonstrative as this before, and was for the moment puzzled to account for it. But I contrived to get up a smile, which I think satisfied him. Then with a last wrench, I turned away, hearing as though from another world his answering 'Good-bye' as he vaulted the stile.
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