The realm of tormenting dreams. Sergey Vassiliev
team where everybody liked me sincerely. I even received a certificate signed by the prosecutor, and now I drank less, understanding my responsibility for his new job. I promised to my grandmother to give up smoking, because she gave me a whole million to help me stop this bad habit. I also worked as a bartender, I dreamed to save enough money to buy a car. Then I got job in the elections, as the deputy chief of political agitation staff, and I became quite rich, my life was so successful, that the state of the uplifted sick mood only seemed to spur my success.
I still kept on being a beer addict even when I almost gave up smoking. And then I happened to get acquainted with the good-natured man, an NLP psychologist, he promised me to help in solving the problem with alcohol. We began to meet periodically and conduct sessions, the doctor immersed me in a semi-hypnotic state and suggested diving into the memories of the beginning of life, then from these first memories we gradually moved to the next, assessing what was happening to me, thus, as if explaining these memories, and probably, to get more organized. And so, running through all the time intervals of my life, this kind of the five-year periods, I was already, being half asleep, coming to the present moment in my life, presumably already more sane than before. In general, it so happened that I virtually stopped drinking beer at all, as a result. But I can say here that for me personally, most likely, I was assisted by an agreement with this charming and kind man not to come drunk to a session and in general to try to refrain from drinking beer. The power of this word can be very great, as I learned from our meetings, but as for NLP, I can’t be sure that the help of this method can lead to the same results as the powerful conviction of this interesting person. He even took brave steps, trying to free me from medications, which I took three times a day, fearing to be trapped again in the already familiar earthly hell. Mr. Gorn, as his name sounded so proud, explained to me that administering lithium is, in fact, a crutch that could only hinder me, and judging by my very steady state, I was quite fit to dispense with pills. He was not mistaken in general, in the far future this was confirmed by other, even more serious specialists in psychology.
But a sad event happened: my beloved cheated with one of my best friends, and it strongly knocked me sideways, out of that idle and at the same time active life, even effective to many respects. I could not cope with such a very difficult issue and, in turn, resolutely avenged, I found a very good substitute, and with the new girlfriend I started off for a romantic journey, but unfortunately, not only with this beauty, but also with me all his family, to the mysterious island of Valaam. But the cunning girl did not let me self-adjust for my new choice, and, using my old affection, boldly began to beg being my mistress, if not my wife. And I, succumbed to temptation, began to lose myself, and my behavior did not inspire any confidence in my new lady, it is impossible to pay my attention to two women at the same time, and I firmly decided to forgive treason and return the first love. But Rita was already in the power of another man, with whom I began to actively fight. My forces were leaving me in this struggle and finding peace, my remission was coming to an end, and my life was turning into a grievous torture with a very real depressive nightmare.
The exams were over, and I started learning for the last credit test non passed due to a booze, when I stumbled upon the problem of unquenchable love for Rita, who absolutely desperately combined with my hatred for her, and this disagreement of feelings not only gave me no peace and no opportunity to learn the subject, but in general, tormented me by an angry, black, already morbid mood. Between the lines of the book on civil law I saw her eyes, the soul that beckoned me and at the same time showed the impossibility of our union as happy as before. Letters, words were impossible not only to remember, but also to read. And here my mother came to help me, she made me wake up strictly, as if commanding, and learn the main questions for the test. Gathering all my strengths, I began to read and diligently realize and remember the subject. Next day, surprisingly to myself, I very masterly expounded the learned information. There were times and occasions when my mother, positively directing me, made my life more successful and happy, but I am going to write about everything, that was useful and negative in parents, later, and, if possible, I will cover this topic as much as possible.
And now, having passed the exam, I felt like a completely different person, I felt superior to the evil girl who, besides all, mocked at me, adding to all her other muck, that she likes much to torture people. At present, this gives me the right to conclude basing of this tragic relationship that they were not valuable. Unfortunately, another trouble occurred at once: dentists cut out my cyst and I, waking up after all these misfortunes, decided to start, probably, to revenge for my resentment from her refusal and began to court Rita’s friend, to whom I was sincerely attached, but having separated her from Rita and nevertheless almost fallen in love with this girlfriend, began to lose my soul, which at that point was quite exhausted, wandering in the intricate corridors of passion. The new relationship was a fatal burden, assuming, in addition to responsibility, the strain combined with the severity of our separation with that, though so nasty but yet beloved girl.
And here, it seems, are the intrigues known to everybody; but mentally sick people can’t be engaged in them, and they can not endure the whole gust of emotions in such cases. But I want to live, and if I do not create a family, taking serious steps, then at least to be able to try for some time to be at some level of relationships with the opposite sex, even if this does not lead to the goal of continuing this relationship.
But certainly, at that time I was not aware of the fact that I can’t marry, have children, create a good family, although, evidently, I was greatly frightened by what had happened to me recently enough, therefore, being alarmed, in a sense, I did not have that self-confidence, which must necessarily contribute to this kind of happiness.
As soon as I developed a strong aversion to my former girlfriend, and I began to look more bravely into the future, my mom again did a great thing and helped me get a job as a lawyer; I must say I could not think of any independent actions, my parents often anticipated my career progress, but it was still very good, that I knew about my future in advance. Although I had to go to another city, but the very specificity of the job inspired a respect for myself, I was very pleased to work as a legal adviser. Here I found a girlfriend, here I began to come into contact with the team, producing by my active behavior, as far as I thought, quite a pleasant impression. But a situation occurred when I playing volleyball with colleagues suddenly could not well kick off the ball; it was so shameful for me, especially in my own eyes, what I decided not to go to work the other day.
The start of the end…
But, certainly, for all this time, only try to imagine, the maniacal idea had already been blossoming in my head since the very admission to this job. First, my mind was possessed the idea that I was a very unusual person, and this gave me hope for great achievements. Thus, for example, I decided to pass examinations without attending lectures, as Lenin did, then listen and thus enter the company with Elvis Presley while relaxing. However, it would be quite a normal thing, if there were no such consequences of all this. Along with the newly emerged active behavior, I was seized by some kind of power, but it was yet hidden in some lively manifestations from the boss of this respectable company who showed no respect and tolerance for me, although, I must say, all the others admired, as it seemed to me, my character. And the work was serious, I had to sign documents, and yet it was the whirlwind of energies raging within me that gave, it seemed to me, the right to be recognized. How can it be else? Can anybody not like a positive, active person? And I tried to charm everyone – in one way or another. I also mean that, apart from my behavior, I was a paraquet and at the same time elegantly dressed, smoked only expensive cigarillos but at the same tine tried not to abuse this poison, I read the best newspapers and, in general, behave decently, my room was full of flowers that were supposed to clean the air, so that it would give the best expression to my judgments. Morning exercises are mandatory. In general, I was changing, as it seemed to everyone, for the better, rapidly accelerating the speed of these changes. But, again, no longer feeling the burden and running