Anecdotes. Humor from Russia. Михаил Курсеев
physician at the asylum decided to follow up his work. He got three nutters together and asked the first one:
– Tell me, buddy, what do 1 +1 make?
– One thousand….
– Nuff said! Three months’ work down the plughole.
Then he asks the second of the same:
– May be you know what is 1 +1?
– A brick…
– Now we know with you too. He refers to the third person
– Now, what would you say?
– 2…
– Say that again?
– 2…
– Attaboy! Good for you! Tell me, how did you make it?
– Doc, it’s very simple. I divided one thousand by a brick.
***
– Mom, are you an Indian?
– What’s that, sonnie?
– Why the sculp lies on your bedside table?
***
A surgeon tells to an inmate who awaked after general anesthesia:
– The operation was effective, you shouldn’t have cried and boiled over so.
– But what have I got to do? Doc, I’ve come to the hospital to do the windows.
***
– Dear, I have a naughty dream of you.
– And what I’ve been up to with you?
– You came and screwed everything up.
***
A small boy comes to music class, opens the violin case, and wow… there is a machine gun!
A teacher got a shock:
– What does it all mean?
The boy drew a sigh:
– Only that my father went to a bank with the violin.
***
Odessa, a Jew meets a friend and tells him:
– I decided to make the birthday gift to my Sarah. I will present her with an opera!
– She seemed to dream of Mercedes.
– Well, where, on Earth, I can find a fake Mercedes?
***
A Russian is asked:
– Do you love your country?
– I do!
– Are you ready to die for it?
– Definitely ready.
A Jew is asked the same;
– Do you love your country?
– I do.
– Will you die for it?
– No.
– Why not?
– Who then will love the homeland?
***
A girl-friend tells her playmate:
– If you want your husband to buy you a fur coat, you should ask him about this during sex right along.
They meet again in some time:
– So, did you get your fur coat?
– No, and now no sex too.
***
A father, a mother and a son are driving back home after staying out.
The mother says:
– Sonny, do you know that she has two University degrees, helps her parents, a clever girl with a good position at work and dresses as a model, she doesn’t roam the clubs, doesn’t smoke, she is the bachelor’s wife. I don’t understand, why didn’t you like her?
– Yeah, mom, calm down, I liked her, she is good….
– Well, sonny, I don’t know who is still you want, that way you ain’t gonna marry ever! And you, daddy, why don’t you tell him something?
– What can I say, I didn’t see if she has tits also.
***
A daughter asks her mother:
– What kind of package do the men have?
– The men’s packages are of three types, my dear child: when a man is 20, his mancock is like a oak – firm and hard; when a man is between thirty and forty, it’s like a birch – it bends, but it’s steady-going; and when a man is over fifty – his package is like a Christmas tree.
– You said – Christmas tree?
– Yes. The roots are stone dead and the globes are just Christmas balls.
***
A wife asks a husband:
– Dear, my cell phone money dried up, may I use yours to call my female friend?
A husband: Sure thing!
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