Dead end. Vlad Vas
orphanage, but, fortunately, I didn’t have to stay there for long, as my grandmother was found later – my mother’s mother, who became my guardian, took me to her place and helped me to survive the pain of loneliness and the grief of loss.
This is rather large aged woman, with dark hair, a wide smile and bright sea-green eyes, which sparkled and radiated genuine joy and care, prepossessed so much and even tampered with her kindness, as she greeted me with strong, friendly arms. From the first seconds of our meeting, it became clear to me that I could trust her.
Living conditions in her apartment were much more attractive and satisfactory, and compared to where I lived before, I can easily call them royal chambers. I even had my own room. Some old things, clothes and toys were given to us by the neighbors, so I always had something to wear and what to do at any time. I even ate every day for three times, and sometimes it happened, that grandmother spoiled me with sweets. I brightened up and became happier every new moment as possible.
But, unfortunately, my grandmother was a middle-aged, and also an invalid, often having problems with her legs, which refused from time to time because of a serious spinal injury in early childhood, therefore she moved with great difficulty, so she did not work, and respectively, had little money: her pension and my child allowance, but it was practically enough for the living essentials. Sometimes she sewed and sold something, which resulted in a small additional income, which many times saved us from unpleasant situations. Because of her difficulties, there was less time left for me, so she played with me so rarely, paid little attention, but it was quite enough, because before I was receiving much less. So it’s a sin to complain, so I was always content and rejoiced at every minute spent with her, until it was time to go to school.
4. School
From the very first days I met child aggression towards myself, connected with my appearance: worn, big or, on the contrary, small clothes, slightly disheveled hair. In addition, I was rather curious, childishly naive, always carefully considered everyone who did not like others, and at the same time was very shy. When I was asked something, I could not answer, since I had little experience in communication. Because of this, I suffered, because I often remained silent and could not correctly state any thought, point of view, or simply to say a couple of words.
At first, many classmates joked on me, said bad things and mocked my person, the girls did not pay any attention to me, never talked to me, did not sit at the same desk, and when I asked them about something, smiled slyly, began to whisper with girlfriends, and then giggled, apparently, above me. I was really upset and hurt me deep down.
But let me tell you, dear reader, about one girl who studied in my class, named Jenny. An adorable angel, the most beautiful girl in school: long black hair, brown eyes that glittered, radiated warmth, happiness and joy. Low height definitely made her beautiful, it was definitely a plus by my personal assessment, she was always dressed very elegantly and neatly. It was obvious that she is from a good and decent family. Exceptional behavior and attitude towards people and, of course, amiable, sociable and affable to everyone, even to me. Her dearest smile gave me indescribable pleasure and was probably the only motivation for me to attend school.
Once in the spring of the third year, I collected a bouquet especially for her, the most ordinary bouquet of wild flowers went with it to school to present to her and confess my feelings, tell her about my first big love for a perfect girl. Stumbling in one place from horror and fear, dominating in my mind, I could not decide to do it for a long time. Carefully and indistinctly slowly, I gathered my thoughts to share the most intimate things that had accumulated in three years with this charming girl. As soon as I finally collected my thoughts and headed straight for her, then on the way near the school, or rather, almost just before its entrance, my classmates ran up to me and began to shout nasty things and obscene words, but I did not pay attention to, long ago got used to their nonsense. Then someone, realizing that the words had not made any effect on me for a long time, with the full force kicked me in the back. I fell and dropped the bouquet, which all fell apart. With wild laughter, the guys trampled on the flowers, which gave the last fragrance, and the guys still kicked me lying down.
I grouped and took the heat as much as I could, but then, I opened my eyes, and saw in front of me a stone about twice the size of my little fist. Gathered up courage, I grabbed him, at first got down kneeling, then got up and with all my might belted the head of one of the attackers, smashing it into the blood. He fell, and the rest of the guys retreated, open-mouthed from what they saw and held their breath. The injured rose, but he no longer laughed like a horse, but screamed like a chick, who was taken from under his mother’s wing, wrapped his head with his arms. And at that very moment, the teacher ran out into the yard, and saw only the ending of the whole incident, and began to shout like a fire alarm, that I would suffer a serious punishment. Then, grabbing me by the scruff of the neck, she led me to the director for further proceedings as the main thug and suspected of the crime.
There they didn’t talk to me for long and did not fuss about, that boy remained alive and well, and I was expelled from school, because they didn’t believe any of my words, respectively, I couldn’t prove anything to help my self-defense, including that fact that I am not guilty, but only try to defend myself. My appearance and most of my classmates’ false testimonies were not in my favor, so I had to leave this school and my beloved Jenny, whom I never get a chance to confess my feelings. They took her away from me even the opportunity to talk to her for the last time.
My whole body was covered with bruises and abrasions, but it hurt most inside, in the chest area. And another heavy loss of mine came to me. I did not eat or drink, actually did not sleep for a very long time, and my thoughts flew in the clouds, justifying themselves and shouting in unison about the unjust decision, about my exclusion. I also thought that I had to suffer for the truth and, the most importantly, that we would not be together with Jenny, as I had imagined at any free moment of the day and night.
5. After the second loss
I became calmer and looked easier to all things with the course of time. Being so emotional, impressionable and sentimental, I quickly became upset and made a big deal out of everything, but my grandmother helped me once again to come through a new difficult moment. She talked to me more often while she took away my attention from bad thoughts and sadness, thanks to her I didn’t manage to do any stupid things and soon forego from a sad state and negative thoughts.
Then I was redirected to another school, for difficult teenagers, because I was awarded a characteristic from a previous school… how to say softer? Very foul – quite the right word. Besides, I did not want to lose a whole year in search of a good educational institution. The new class brought hope with a negative value: all were dirty, grubby, untidy, rude. Nobody respected the teachers, did not listen to them, everyone snapped, were rude about any thing and without any reason, called each with rude names, organized constant skirmishes and fights among themselves, many of them used foul language, even more badly than many adults, smoked, and they not only smoke cigarettes, drank, there were even addicts who sniffed glue.
At first glance, we could easily be confused, since our appearance was not very different from each other. My clothes were second-hand, like others’ clothes, and I could not afford any new things. Although I was calmer and more attractive than the other guys, and I didn’t smoke, sometimes I also had squabbles with teachers; probably it shows the herd instinct. As it turned out later, our destinies had a similar character and story: the same childhood, or rather its absence.
By the end of my school studies, my personal record of success was: triple attempts to be expelled, and I was nearly left for the second year. Only thanks to the ability to negotiate and do what was necessary, when you need salvation, and also to say what the teacher and director expect to hear, even if you don’t want to follow the system, I managed to avoid problems, fix everything at the last moment and even go to the next classes of education. It was all due to the out-of-school yard (opened arms of) real life.
But