How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You: 85 Proven Techniques for Success. Leil Lowndes
What Makes People Fall in Love?
The Six Elements
What are the long-awaited results of Berscheid’s early studies and the deluge of those that followed? Well, maybe Freud was right. Romantic love is enigmatic. It is difficult to capture and convert into computerized, controlled bits and bytes of information. Instead, treating it as if it were a virus, scholars are tackling specific questions about love, nailing down a few facets at a time. They have made tremendous progress.
Out of the cascade of studies, six verities emerge about what makes people fall in love. To be a successful Hunter or Huntress of hearts, you must, like Cupid, be a skilful archer, and aim your arrow dead centre at the following six targets.
You Never Get a Second Chance at Love at First Sight
The first moments you spot your Quarry – and he or she gets a glimpse of you – can be decisive. Herein lies a ‘go/no go’ decision. Scientists tell us that love’s seeds are often sown during the first few minutes of a relationship.
When two cats meet for the first time, they stop and look at each other. If one hisses, the other bristles his coat and hisses back. However, if the first cat gives a little nudge with its cold nose, the other cat responds in kind, and they wind up purring together and licking each other’s coats.
A man and a woman getting to know each other are like two little animals sniffing each other out. We do not have tails that wag or hair that bristles, but we do have eyes that narrow or widen. We have hands that flash knuckles or subconsciously soften in the palms-up ‘I submit’ position. There are dozens of other ‘involuntary’ reactions that take place in the first few moments of interaction. The good news is that we can learn to control these presumed involuntary reactions.
The moment you set eyes on each other, your Potential Love Partner subconsciously reads the subtleties of your body language. In these first crucial moments he or she can unconsciously resolve to try for romantic take-off or abort thoughts of love. His or her mind then becomes computer-like, and your PLP continues to make rapid decisions about you during your first conversation, your first date.
In Part One we will cover techniques to lure Potential Love Partners into approaching you, into liking you, and then into making a first date. I will share scientifically sound methods of keeping the conversation exciting and making the first date stimulating for your Quarry.
2. Similar Character, Complementary Needs
I Want a Lover Just Like Dear Old Me (Well, Almost)!
If you pass the first impressions test, you enter the second phase. Here your Quarry starts making judgements about you as a Potential Love Partner. His or her subconscious mind is saying, ‘I want someone like me. Well, almost like me.’
If there is to be compatibility for a lifetime, or even for a date, some similarity is necessary. Our hearts are finely tuned instruments that seek someone who has values similar to ours, who holds beliefs similar to ours, and who looks at the world in more or less the same way we do. Similarity makes us feel good because it confirms the choices we have spent our whole lives making. We also look for people who enjoy the same activities so we can have fun together. Similarity is indeed a launch pad for a good relationship takeoff.
But we get bored with too much similarity. Besides, we need somebody to make up for our lacks. If we have no head for mathematics, who is going to balance the cheque book? If we are sloppy, who is going to pick up our socks?
So we also look for complementary qualities in a long-term love partner. But not any complementary qualities – only the ones we find interesting or that enhance our lives. Hence, we seek someone who is both similar and complementary.
In Part Two we will explore methods of planting subliminal seeds of similarity in your Quarry’s heart and ways to make him or her know that, even though you two are basically alike, you are different in so many utilitarian, fun and interesting ways.
The ‘WIIFM’ Principle of Love
‘Hey, sweetheart, everybody’s got a market value! Everybody wears a price tag.’ How pretty is she? How much prestige does he have? How blue is her blood? How much power does he wield? Are they rich, intelligent, nice? What can they do for me?
Does this sound ugly? Researchers tell us love is not really blind. Everybody – even the nicest people – has a touch of crass when it comes to choosing a long-term partner. It’s no different to in the business world where everybody asks, ‘WIIFM?’ What’s in it for me?
I can hear some of you protesting, ‘No, love is pure and compassionate. It involves caring, altruism, communion and selflessness. That’s what love is all about.’ Yes, that’s what love is all about when good people are truly in love. You have probably even met couples who are deeply devoted and would sacrifice everything for each other. Yes, this kind of selfless love that we all dream of having exists. But it comes later – much later. It comes only after you have made your partner fall in love with you.
If you want to make someone fall in love with you, researchers say, you must initially convince them they are getting a good deal. We may not be conscious of it but, science tells us, tried and true market principles apply to love relationships. Lovers unconsciously calculate the other person’s comparable worth, the cost-benefit ratio of the relationship, the hidden costs, the maintenance fee and the assumed depreciation. Then they ask themselves, ‘Is this the best offer I can get?’ Everybody has a big scorecard locked away in their heart. And, in order to make people fall in love with you, you have to make them feel they are getting a very good deal.
Is all lost if you weren’t born drop-dead gorgeous, or if you don’t have a famous family name? No. In Part Three we will explore silver-tongued verbal skills to replace the silver spoon that was never in our mouths when we were born. In that way we can satisfy some very choosy Quarry.
How Do You Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways
At the blazing core of first romantic rumblings is ego. Perhaps Cupid misses the mark when he aims his little arrow at Quarries’ hearts. Science shows us where to really level our ammunition and take fire – right at their egos. People fall in love with people in whose eyes they behold the most ideal reflections of themselves.
Would-be lovers should be thrilled that ego makes the world go round, because Quarries’ egos are very vulnerable targets. There are multifarious ways to make your Quarry feel beautiful, strong, handsome, charming, dynamic, or however he or she wants to feel. There are big-stroke compliments, little-stroke caresses, and a myriad of deliciously devious means to make your Quarry feel special. Subtle procedures can convince Quarries what they have suspected all along: ‘I am different. I am wonderful. And to thank you for recognizing this amazing fact, I’ll fall in love with you.’
Everyone also hungers for security and validation. We seek protection in our primary relationship from the cruel, cruel world. Part Four, How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, explores ways to make your Quarry feel that you are the salvation – you are his or her safe harbour from the storm of life.