Essex Girls. Laura Ziepe
felt a raw emotional pain. She had loved Tom. But now he’d ruined it all.
After a day of moping about and feeling sorry for herself, Jade looked out of the window and saw her dad’s car pull up outside the flat. She looked around, sadly. She’d packed up her whole life in Bath in boxes, bags and suitcases and was ready to leave.
Yesterday had been one of the toughest days of her life. Tom was still the only thing she could think about. She had been with him for two and a half years and still couldn’t believe what had happened. Jade had been willing to change herself and her life to please him and he’d done nothing but lie and cheat in return. She’d already heard what had happened to him in the theatre; he’d been found by the cast of the play. Apparently someone had taken a photo on their mobile of him running away in a dress and it was going around Facebook. She thought that by publicly humiliating him it would make her feel better, but now she just felt nothing but sad.
She was tired. Tired of thinking about him and nothing else. Tired of only caring about her heartache and not having any interest in doing anything. It was as though nothing in her life was important. She felt so emotional about everything. Even an advert about animal cruelty had made her cry. She knew it had only just happened and she was bound to be upset, but she wondered; how long would she go on feeling like this? She was a complete mess, and didn’t want to talk to anyone, apart from Kelly and Lisa.
Tom had bombarded her with messages begging her to forgive him, insisting he’d never do it again, saying that despite what she had done to him, he still wanted to be with her. Jade had replied just once, to say that if he’d ever cared about her at all he’d leave her alone and let her get on with her life. Hopefully he would.
*
Jade opened the door to her dad before he knocked. He smiled at her as he walked along the path.
‘Hi Dad,’ she said, hugging him and kissing his cheek as he stepped through the door.
‘Hello love,’ he replied, wiping his feet on the welcome mat. ‘How have you been?’
‘I’ve been okay,’ she lied.
‘So is this everything?’ He pointed at her things on the floor, all ready to go. ‘You don’t need help with the packing then? That’s a bit of luck,’ he joked.
‘Yeah, I’ve done it all already. That’s everything.’
‘So, you’ve broken up with Tom? I thought it was all going well.’
Jade shrugged. ‘Things change.’
He laughed. ‘Just when your mum and I thought we’d got rid of you, eh?’
She managed a weak smile. Her dad wasn’t very good in these situations. He hated talking about feelings and even though she knew he loved her immensely, he’d never been particularly affectionate. He was a man’s man, as her mum always said.
Her father looked at her, concerned, and put his hand gently on her shoulder. ‘Are you sure you’re alright, love?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, brushing him off and turning round to face the boxes. She couldn’t talk to her dad, she’d just get upset and she didn’t want him to see that. She just wanted to go home. ‘Right, shall we start to pack the car up then or did you want a cup of tea first?’
‘That’s alright. I stopped on the way for petrol and got some lunch and a coffee. Let’s head back shall we, and hopefully we’ll miss the traffic.’
‘Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate you helping me,’ Jade replied, and started to pick up the boxes to take to his car. There wasn’t enough room for everything to be put in her Mini, but she felt bad making her dad drive all the way down to Bath to help her. She sat in her car waiting for her dad to pull away so she could follow him.
As she drove down the road, a tear slid down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away.
This was really it. After three years in Bath, she was now going back to Essex for good. Back to the same old haunts she used to go to, seeing the same old faces she hadn’t seen in a long while. She didn’t even know if she’d fit in any more. It sounded silly, but she really had grown up. She was different. Her once bright blonde highlighted hair was now toned down with caramels and chocolate browns, her bras were no longer filled with gel and her make-up was subtle to the point of being almost non-existent. Would it be easy to fit right back into where she left off? Or would she be the odd one out now? The outsider? It was a scary thought. At least she had her two best friends, who would love her no matter what.
*
Jade’s first night at home felt strange. Her mum had fussed around her, made her favourite meal of roast chicken, and even her older brother Simon came to visit with his wife and two sons. Jade put on a brave face and pretended she was fine, that she was happy to be home. Playing cops and robbers with her nephews had actually taken her mind off Tom for once. She’d last seen them six months ago, and was amazed by how different they looked now. They had grown so much, even though they were only just four and six. It was nice that her family were happy to see her and have her back home. After feeling nothing but pretty rubbish about herself, heartbroken at what Tom had done to her, it was lovely to feel wanted again, even if it was also weird climbing back into her old bed, knowing this was where she would live for the time being. As much as she loved her parents, it would be hard to get used to living under their rules again. There would be no going back to Bath in a few days like normal. This was it.
Jade had woken on the first morning at five a.m., and it took her a while to remember where she was and why. She was sick to death of crying, but couldn’t help it when she realised the reality of her situation. She preferred to sleep, where she was happy in her dream world. Why did she have to wake up? She missed Tom already. She hated herself for it after what he’d done, but she knew she was going to miss everything about him. Their long chats for hours about nothing, his silly jokes, his amazing body. Would she ever meet someone she loved as much again? After all, in all her twenty-one years, Tom was the only person that had made her knees go weak. What if she never got that again? She had to get over it, Jade told herself sternly. Had to stop crying all the time and move on with her life. He’d cheated. Tom wasn’t the person she thought he was – she had to keep thinking of things she hadn’t liked so much about him rather than all the good things. Like the way he and his friends often made fun of her Essex accent.
‘You alriiight babe, you look branna today than last week, you been on a sun bed?’ they’d mocked her at times. ‘I’m just gonna go to Saffend in me eye-eels.’ Then they would all burst into laughter.
‘Ha ha,’ she’d usually replied, not really finding it at all funny and feeling self-conscious every time she spoke. They made her feel ashamed that she was from Essex and she hated to admit it to herself but, looking back, she realised she was always trying to impress Tom and be the person that he wanted her to be.
He hadn’t been perfect and she had to stop believing he was.
After four hours of tossing and turning, Jade sleepily dragged herself out of bed, had a shower and got dressed into her black skinny jeans and a short leopard print blouse. She studied herself in the mirror, satisfied that her outfit could pass for both day and night. Today, she was going to make an effort with her appearance for once. She straightened her long hair with her GHDs, which she normally just left wavy, and applied her make-up carefully, adding a lot more bronzer than usual – after all, she was back in Essex, you could never wear too much. She felt better already. She packed her bag with make-up so she could touch up later if she went out with the girls. She couldn’t wait to see Kelly and Lisa. Spending the day with them was going to be great; it didn’t matter that they had no idea where they were going yet. If anyone could make her laugh right now it was them.
*
Kelly was in her dressing gown, relaxing on the couch in