Confessions of a Lapdancer. Литагент HarperCollins USD
the time the Brothers’ stretch had pulled up outside the Pearl, my taxi had already dropped me off and I had made friends with the club’s two enormous doormen.
I watched in disgust as Luke fell out of the limo clutching a half-empty champagne glass and staggered towards the entrance to the Pearl dragging Tania behind him like a blow-up doll.
The two bouncers on the door blocked his path, while he stood waving a bunch of crumpled tenners in their faces.
I winked to let them know this was the party of pissed-up City boys I had the misfortune to be with, and handed one a crisp £50 note. And with that we were in.
‘As you say, Luke, I always wear the trousers so put your money away,’ I said. ‘No need to bribe security. Use it to buy me some very expensive cocktails.’
‘What about some very expensive cock, Miss Carson?’ he shot back. A comment he would never have dared make sober or in the office. ‘Although mine’s out of your price range.’
Tania stood next to him toying nervously with her long, red hair.
‘Hilarious,’ I replied, moving through the club’s entrance. ‘Just get inside, I can’t wait to see an animal in its natural habitat.’
The remainder of the investment team spilled out on to the pavement slightly the worse for wear. Even Daryll looked less dapper than usual, the handkerchief that matched his shirt sitting slightly askew in his jacket pocket.
Then Ryan Buxton came bounding towards me like an overgrown puppy, all ruddy cheeks and rugger-bugger enthusiasm.
‘So, Geri, are you up for this?’ Ryan asked.
‘I’m not missing this one for the world,’ I told him, avoiding the arm he was trying to put around me.
‘I thought you hated places like this, though. You always tell me how sexist they are.’
‘I’m not a big fan, no,’ I told him, ‘but I don’t get to see the Brothers at play too often and I was as much a part of pulling off this merger as anyone else.’
‘You’re not wrong there, darling,’ he said, nuzzling my neck while no one else was looking. ‘Come in and join the fun, then.’
The interior of the club was surprisingly plush if clichéd in its style, with padded red and black leather booths, mirrored walls and mirror balls, with four or five dancing poles arranged on different levels, some with tables around them.
A petite brunette with enhanced breasts jiggling in her bikini brushed past me on her way to the stage and I flinched. What the hell was I doing in a lap-dancing club?
The things I did to advance my career …
Our bonuses were being announced the next day and my colleagues were discussing figures in voices loud enough for everyone to hear how loaded they were and how much more loaded they expected to be within twenty-four hours.
‘How pathetic,’ I said to Tania, who had momentarily been abandoned. ‘It’s all big cars, big bonuses and big dicks to them – except they probably have tiddlers!’
Tania laughed politely.
‘Oh, I’m sure there’s more to them than that, Geri. They must have some talent, after all.’
‘I wouldn’t bank on it, Tania,’ I said. ‘You haven’t been my PA long enough to work that out yet.’
Tanya turned to smile at her man and I glimpsed a steeliness in her eyes.
Daryll beckoned us to join the Brothers at their large banquette.
Not long after we arrived, one of the club’s dancers, a pretty girl with long, dark hair and olive skin who was dressed in a red spangled bra top and thong, approached our table and Luke beckoned her to one side.
‘What’s he up to?’ I whispered in Tania’s ear.
‘Oh, he’s just arranging to have a private dance.’
‘Jesus, how can you sit by and let him do that? Do you have no self-respect?’
‘It’s not about that, Geri …’
I didn’t want to hear any more.
‘Excuse me, Daryll,’ I announced. ‘I can’t sit here and watch this. I’m going to the bar.’
He nodded but Luke jumped up.
‘What, you not man enough to hang around, Geri Boy? I knew you wouldn’t last.’
Words seemed pointless so I gave him the finger and stalked off.
I went to sit on a stool at the bar and ordered a vodka and tonic. I picked out the wedge of lemon when it arrived and crushed it hard in my fist till the juice ran down my arm, wishing it was Luke’s smug face.
‘What did that lemon do to deserve that?’ said the barman, offering me a napkin.
‘Oh, nothing – I was just imagining it was someone’s head,’ I explained.
‘Wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of you then, madam,’ he grinned.
‘I’m not that scary,’ I said. ‘Except when provoked by an idiot who thinks it’s funny to call me a boy just because I wear trousers.’
‘Take no notice. You look real smart to me.’
‘Thanks … But I do feel a bit buttoned-up here and I’m supposed to be celebrating. Look at them,’ I said, pointing to the Brothers. ‘Allegedly the cream of investment banking. They didn’t want me here being a killjoy but a strip joint is not exactly my idea of a fun night out.’
‘Ah, we get a lot of City boys in here letting off steam,’ he said. ‘They’re pretty harmless and they empty their wallets so we love ’em.’
‘You try working with them, though. I wish I’d stayed in New York now.’
‘Ah, I love the Big Apple,’ he said. ‘Worked the cocktail bars. How long were you there?’
‘Six weeks, on secondment. Got back to London to find my boss had employed a Playboy bunny as my PA and she was going out with my nemesis.’
‘Moral of story: don’t turn your back for a minute. Want another vodka?’
‘OK, go on,’ I said, turning to check what the Brothers were up to. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Go ahead.’
‘Do you think it’s possible for a woman to be sexy if she never wears a skirt?’
‘I love a good bottom in tight jeans. But, well, nothing like a good pair of legs.’
‘I thought you might say that.’ My knees haven’t seen the light of day outside my bedroom since school sports day … I thought to myself.
But he’d already disappeared off to the other end of the bar to serve a rather irritated-looking little man and one of the dancers had mounted the adjacent podium to start her show. As I watched her spin and move expertly up and down the pole, I realised it was just as much about technique as sex appeal. These girls had to be seriously fit to do this stuff.
Then I glimpsed a tipsy but animated Tania chatting to a good-looking, dark-haired guy at the other end of the bar. As soon as she realised I’d seen her, she moved away and came up to join me.
‘You don’t look too happy,’ she said, as if I was her best mate rather than her boss. I didn’t know whether she was confident, over-friendly or just cocky.
‘I just can’t believe why anyone would want to spend any time in a place like this. It’s for blokes too ugly or too dim to get a shag elsewhere. I don’t think women should encourage it.’
‘Lighten up,’ said Tania. ‘There’s nothing wrong with using what God gave