The Great and Secret Show. Clive Barker
the dead centre,’ Homer countered. ‘But we still end up with all the crap. And it’s all got to get sorted. By hand. By you.’
‘All of it?’ Jaffe said. What was in front of him was two weeks’, three weeks’, four weeks’ work.
‘All of it,’ said Homer, and didn’t make any attempt to conceal his satisfaction. ‘All yours. You’ll soon get the hang of it. If the envelope’s got some kind of government marking, put it in the burn pile. Don’t even bother to open it. Fuck ’em, right? But the rest, open. You never know what we’re going to find.’ He grinned conspiratorially. ‘And what we find, we share,’ he said.
Jaffe had been working for the US Mail only nine days, but that was long enough, easily long enough, to know that a lot of mail was intercepted by its hired deliverers. Packets were razored open and their contents filched, checks were cashed, love-letters were laughed over.
‘I’m going to be coming back in here on a regular basis,’ Homer warned. ‘So don’t you try hiding anything from me. I got a nose for stuff. I know when there’s bills in an envelope, and I know when there’s a thief on the team. Hear me? I got a sixth sense. So don’t you try anything clever, bud, ’cause me and the boys don’t take kindly to that. And you want to be one of the team, don’t you?’ He put a wide, heavy hand on Jaffe’s shoulder. ‘Share and share alike, right?’
‘I hear,’ Jaffe said.
‘Good,’ Homer replied. ‘So –’ He opened his arms to the spectacle of piled sacks. ‘It’s all yours.’ He sniffed, grinned and took his leave.
One of the team, Jaffe thought as the door clicked closed, was what he’d never be. Not that he was about to tell Homer that. He’d let the man patronize him; play the willing slave. But in his heart? In his heart, he had other plans, other ambitions. Problem was, he wasn’t any closer to realizing those ambitions than he’d been at twenty. Now he was thirty-seven, going on thirty-eight. Not the kind of man women looked at more than once. Not the kind of character folks found exactly charismatic. Losing his hair the way his father had. Bald at forty, most likely. Bald, and wifeless, and not more than beer-change in his pocket because he’d never been able to hold down a job for more than a year, eighteen months at the outside, so he’d never risen higher than private in the ranks.
He tried not to think about it too hard, because when he did he began to get really itchy to do some harm, and a lot of the time it was harm done to himself. It would be so easy. A gun in the mouth, tickling the back of his throat. Over and done with. No note. No explanation. What would he write anyway? I’m killing myself because I didn’t get to be King of the World? Ridiculous.
But … that was what he wanted to be. He’d never known how, he’d never even had a sniff of the way, but that was the ambition that had nagged him from the first. Other men rose from nothing, didn’t they? Messiahs, presidents, movie stars. They pulled themselves up out of the mud the way the fishes had when they’d decided to go walkabout. Grown legs, breathed air, become more than what they’d been. If fucking fishes could do it, why couldn’t he? But it had to be soon. Before he was forty. Before he was bald. Before he was dead, and gone, and no one to even remember him, except maybe as a nameless asshole who’d spent three weeks in the winter of 1969 in a room full of dead letters, opening orphaned mail looking for dollar bills. Some epitaph.
He sat down and looked at the task heaped before him.
‘Fuck you,’ he said. Meaning Homer. Meaning the sheer volume of crap in front of him. But most of all, meaning himself.
At first, it was drudgery. Pure hell, day on day, going through the sacks.
The piles didn’t seem to diminish. Indeed they were several times fed by a leering Homer, who led a trail of peons in with further satchels to swell the number.
First Jaffe sorted the interesting envelopes (bulky; rattling; perfumed) from dull; then the private correspondence from official, and the scrawl from the copperplate. Those decisions made, he began opening the envelopes, in the first week with his fingers, till his fingers became calloused, thereafter with a short-bladed knife he bought especially for the purpose, digging out the contents like a pearl-fisher in search of a pearl, most of the time finding nothing, sometimes, as Homer had promised, finding money or a check, which he dutifully declared to his boss.
‘You’re good at this,’ Homer said after the second week. ‘You’re really good. Maybe I should put you on this full time.’
Randolph wanted to say fuck you, but he’d said that too many times to bosses who’d fired him the minute after, and he couldn’t afford to lose this job: not with the rent to pay and heating his one-room apartment costing a damn fortune while the snow continued to fall. Besides, something was happening to him while he passed the solitary hours in the Dead Letter Room, something it took him to the end of the third week to begin to enjoy, and the end of the fifth to comprehend.
He was sitting at the crossroads of America.
Homer had been right. Omaha, Nebraska wasn’t the geographical centre of the USA, but as far as the Post Office was concerned, it may as well have been.
The lines of communication crossed, and re-crossed, and finally dropped their orphans here, because nobody in any other state wanted them. These letters had been sent from coast to coast looking for someone to open them, and had found no takers. Finally they’d ended with him: with Randolph Ernest Jaffe, a balding nobody with ambitions never spoken and rage not expressed, whose little knife slit them, and little eyes scanned them, and who – sitting at his crossroads – began to see the private face of the nation.
There were love-letters, hate-letters, ransom notes, pleadings, sheets on which men had drawn round their hard-ons, Valentines of pubic hair, blackmail by wives, journalists, hustlers, lawyers and senators, junk-mail and suicide notes, lost novels, chain letters, résumés, undelivered gifts, rejected gifts, letters sent out into the wilderness like bottles from an island, in the hope of finding help, poems, threats and recipes. So much. But these many were the least of it. Though sometimes the love-letters got him sweaty, and the ransom notes made him wonder if, having gone unanswered, their senders had murdered their hostages, the stories of love and death they told touched him only fleetingly. Far more persuasive, far more moving, was another story, which could not be articulated so easily.
Sitting at the crossroads he began to understand that America had a secret life; one which he’d never even glimpsed before. Love and death he knew about. Love and death were the great clichés; the twin obsessions of songs and soap operas. But there was another life, which every fortieth letter, or fiftieth, or hundredth, hinted at, and every thousandth stated with a lunatic plainness. When they said it plain, it was not the whole truth, but it was a beginning, and each of the writers had their own mad way of stating something close to unstateable.
What it came down to was this: the world was not as it seemed. Not remotely as it seemed. Forces conspired (governmental, religious, medical) to conceal and silence those who had more than a passing grasp of that fact, but they couldn’t gag or incarcerate every one of them. There were men and women who slipped the nets, however widely flung; who found back-roads to travel where their pursuers got lost, and safe houses along the way where they’d be fed and watered by like visionaries, ready to misdirect the dogs when they came sniffing. These people didn’t trust Ma Bell, so they didn’t use telephones. They didn’t dare assemble in groups of more than two for fear of attracting attention to themselves. But they wrote. Sometimes it was as if they had to, as if the secrets they kept sealed up were too hot, and burned their way out. Sometimes it was because they knew the hunters were on their heels and they’d have no other chance to describe the world to itself before they were caught, drugged and locked up. Sometimes there was even a subversive glee in the scrawlings, sent out with deliberately indistinct addresses in the hope that the letter would blow the mind of some innocent who’d received it by chance. Some of the missives were stream-of-consciousness rantings, others precise, even clinical, descriptions of how to turn the world inside out