Girl Alone: Part 1 of 3: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control.. Cathy Glass
at her – another complaint of Joss’s. ‘Joss, apart from your health, I’m worried something dreadful could happen to you. Do you understand?’
‘Yes.’ She glanced at me. ‘So if I promise not to drink or smoke, can I go out tonight?’
‘Where?’
‘Chloe’s.’
‘Did Chloe’s parents know you were drinking and smoking drugs last night?’
‘We weren’t,’ Joss said.
I held her gaze. ‘Joss, I’m not stupid.’
‘No, they didn’t know. They weren’t in,’ she admitted.
‘So who brought you home last night?’
‘Not sure,’ Joss said easily. ‘Her uncle, I think.’
‘You think?’ Joss could have just admitted to eating too many sweets for all her lack of concern. ‘Joss, are you telling me that you were so off your head last night that you don’t even know who drove you home?’
‘I’m sure it was her uncle,’ she said.
I looked at her carefully. ‘Joss, I’m very worried about you.’
‘I know, you said before. I’m sorry, but I can look after myself.’
I wish I had a pound for every teenager who’s said that, I thought. ‘Joss, I don’t want to stop you from having fun and spending time with your friends, but I do need to keep you safe. Given what happened last night, and last weekend, the only way you’re going out this evening is if I take and collect you in my car.’
‘But that’s not fair!’ she cried, jumping up from her chair, all semblance of compliance gone. ‘You treat me like a fucking baby. I hate you and this fucking family! I hate everyone.’
Chapter Two
I left Joss to calm down for a little longer than usual, allowing her time to reflect and me a chance to recharge my batteries. I found her outbursts exhausting and stressful. I was never sure what she might do or what she was capable of – the carers who’d looked after Joss before had reported that she’d hit one of them – and, although she hadn’t physically threatened me (yet), I always put some distance between us when she was very angry.
I continued to water the plants on the patio, largely as a displacement for my anxious thoughts. How could I get through to Joss before it was too late and she came to real harm? Continue as I had been doing with firm boundaries, love, care and concern? It had worked in the past with other young people I’d fostered, but would it work now? Joss was coming close to being the most challenging child I’d ever looked after, and it wasn’t something for her to be proud of.
Deep in thought, I set down the watering can and was about to go indoors to find Joss to talk to her, as I always did after one of her flare-ups, when she appeared on the patio.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘You can take and collect me tonight if you want.’
‘To Chloe’s?’ I asked, slightly surprised by the sudden turnaround.
‘Nah. To the cinema. We’ve decided to see a film.’
‘OK. That sounds good. Which film are you going to see?’
Joss rattled off the title of a film I knew was showing at the local cinema and then said, ‘It starts at seven-thirty, so I’m meeting Chloe there at seven to give us time to buy our tickets and popcorn. The film finishes at nine-forty-five, so you can collect me at ten.’
It did cross my mind that this all sounded a bit pat, but I had to trust Joss, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. ‘All right. We’ll leave here at six-forty,’ I said. ‘Lucy is seeing a friend this evening, so I’ll drop her off on the way.’
‘I’ll tell her,’ Joss said helpfully, and went back indoors.
We ate dinner at six and then, having explained to Adrian and Paula that I was dropping off Lucy and Joss and I’d be gone for no more than an hour, we left. Sometimes I feel I’m running a taxi service with all the driving I do, but I’d much rather that and know the children are safe than have them waiting for buses that don’t always arrive, especially at night. Both girls sat in the rear of the car, and as I drove they chatted to each other, mainly about the film Joss was going to see. Lucy wanted to see it too and was hoping to go to the cinema with a friend the following weekend. I dropped Lucy off at her friend’s house (her friend’s mother was going to bring her home later) and then I continued to the cinema.
‘Chloe will be here soon,’ Joss said, opening her car door.
‘You can wait in the car until she arrives if you like,’ I suggested.
‘Nah, it’s OK. She might be waiting inside.’
Joss got out and closed the door. I lowered my window. ‘I’ll see you at ten o’clock, then,’ I said. ‘If Chloe doesn’t arrive, phone me and I’ll come back to collect you.’
‘Sure,’ Joss said. Then she spotted her waiting to cross the road. ‘Hi, Chloe!’ she yelled, waving hard.
‘Hiya!’ the girl yelled back.
I pulled away, pleased that I’d believed Joss. She’d come to me with a history of lying, so I found myself doubting everything she told me, which wasn’t good, and not like me. Usually I trusted people and accepted what they said, unless experience proved I should do otherwise. I was so pleased I hadn’t doubted Joss or questioned her further on her trip to the cinema with Chloe, as it could have undermined our already very fragile relationship.
At home, Paula and I watched some television together and then I suggested to Adrian that he left his studies for tonight and relaxed. The examinations he was revising for were important, as he needed good grades to continue to the sixth form, but I was concerned he was overdoing it. Half an hour later he joined us and we had a game of Scrabble before it was time for me to leave to collect Joss.
Although I was ten minutes early, Joss was already waiting outside the cinema with Chloe. They came over and I lowered my window.
‘Can you give Chloe a lift home?’ Joss asked. ‘It’s on the way.’
‘Of course. Get in,’ I said.
Both girls giggled, climbed into the back and giggled some more – possibly from teenage self-consciousness or embarrassment, I didn’t know. Chloe was a largely built girl with jet-black, chin-length hair, heavily made-up eyes and a very short skirt. She looked older than Joss, but then Joss was so petite she looked younger than thirteen. Both girls reeked of cheap perfume, which I assumed was Chloe’s, as Joss hadn’t been wearing any perfume when she’d left. It was so strong I kept my window open a little.
‘Was the film good?’ I asked as I drove.
‘Yeah,’ they said, and giggled again.
‘And you’re in the same class at school?’ I asked after a moment, trying to make conversation.
‘Yeah,’ Joss said, while Chloe remained silent.
‘Where do you live?’ I asked Chloe. ‘I’ll take you to your door.’
‘We pass it,’ she said. ‘I’ll shout when we’re there.’
There was more giggling and then whispering as I drove, and finally Joss yelled, ‘Stop! We’re here!’
I checked in my mirrors and pulled over. We were outside a small parade of shops about five minutes from where I lived. ‘I’ll take you to your door,’ I said to Chloe.
‘You have!’ Joss shouted, laughing. ‘She lives here.’
‘I live