A Winter’s Wish Come True. Lynsey James
tiring him out,’ she says, rubbing her tired eyes. ‘I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in three years!’
A feeling of panic runs through me; is this what motherhood is really like? No sleep and trying to entertain a kid intent on pretending to be various modes of transport?
‘He’s … full of beans!’ I reply with a nervous chuckle. ‘What’s his name?’
‘Max.’ The woman manages to scoop her son up into her arms as he giggles into her neck. ‘He’s a handful sometimes, but I wouldn’t be without him now. We’re here because I’ve just found out he’s going to have a little brother or sister next year!’
‘Oh congratulations!’ I say, feeling my anxiety ease off a little. ‘I’ve … actually just found out I’m pregnant too. My first.’
I give my stomach a fond pat and my waiting room buddy smiles, finally succeeding in getting Max interested in a book about giraffes.
‘Congratulations,’ she replies. ‘It’s a huge adventure, although it’s pretty scary to start off with. When I found out I was pregnant with Max, my first thought was “oh my god, how am I going to look after this tiny person?” But after he was born, maternal instinct just kind of kicked in. It was hard at first, but after a while everything becomes second nature. I’m Eve, by the way.’
‘Nice to meet you, Eve; I’m Cleo.’ I smile and reach over to shake her hand.
‘Is anyone coming to your appointment with you?’
She gazes around the waiting room, looking for anyone I might’ve arrived with. My heart sinks a little as I realise I’m about to do something so huge by myself. It’s definitely not how I saw things happening.
‘Um … no,’ I reply with a sad smile. ‘No, I’m on my own today.’
Eve’s smile fades. ‘Oh no, I’m sorry. It can be a little bit daunting coming to these things by yourself. My partner Paul’s at work today, which is why I’ve got Max tagging along with me!’
I swallow the lump in my throat and do my best to hold myself together. I can’t help but feel a teeny bit envious that Eve has a loving partner to support her through her pregnancy. I have a fantastic support unit of my own of course, but I can’t help wishing I had someone to go on the journey with me.
‘It’s … erm … it’s complicated,’ I say, knowing that’ll probably raise a lot more questions. ‘Everything’s fine though; I’ve got my mum and my best friend. They just can’t be here today.’
A set of footsteps to my right distracts my focus from the conversation. I turn to see who they belong to, and my heart leaps into my mouth within seconds.
Scott.
‘I’m not too late, am I?’ he says, running a hand through his hair.
I stand up, without really knowing why, and all the other patients turn to look at me. Fab, I say to myself, I’ve turned the doctor’s waiting room into an episode of Days of Our Lives. All we need now is Doctor Drake Ramoray to make an appearance.
‘Um … no, you’re not too late,’ I say, sweeping some hair away from my face. ‘You got my text then?’
He nods and takes a few steps towards me. ‘I was quite surprised to hear from you, to be honest. I didn’t think you’d want me here after what happened when we last saw each other.’
I look into his huge brown eyes and feel my heart skip a beat. I curse myself for still reacting to him – not exactly ideal when we’ve split up.
‘This is your baby too, Scott. I didn’t want you to miss the first doctor’s appointment.’ I pause for a second before continuing. ‘I’m … I’m glad you’re here.’
We exchange weak smiles, before Doctor Maxwell steps into the waiting room.
‘Cleopatra Jones?’ she says, looking around the room for me.
I cringe at hearing my full name and hear Scott give a soft chuckle; he knows how much I hate it.
‘That’s me,’ I say, stepping forward. ‘And it’s just Cleo.’
‘No problem. Are you ready to come through?’ Doctor Maxwell asks.
Scott and I look at each other for a moment. We don’t need words to communicate how we’re feeling, our fear is written all over our faces.
‘Yes,’ I reply. ‘We’re ready.’
*
The doctor’s appointment goes a lot better than I expected, even if it became a bit intrusive at times. I take the opportunity to ask lots of questions, including whether my previous experience with an eating disorder will affect the baby at all.
‘If you feel like you’d benefit from support and counselling through your pregnancy, we can arrange that for you,’ Doctor Maxwell explains.
I feel some tension release from my body when I hear that; one of my biggest fears has just been laid to rest. Scott runs a hand across his face and takes a deep breath. It’s only then that I notice just how tired he is. He looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and I feel a pang of sympathy for him.
‘Thanks,’ I say, wanting to break up the awkward silence. ‘I’ll definitely think about it.’
‘Have you got any idea when the twelve-week scan will be?’ Scott asks, his voice laced with exhaustion. ‘I want to make sure I don’t miss it.’
‘I’ll get you referred to the maternity unit at the hospital as soon as possible,’ she replies. ‘There’s usually what we call a booking appointment first, where you meet your midwife and have a good chat about the pregnancy. It’s definitely an experience you won’t want to miss!’
From the mildly horrified look on Scott’s face, I can tell he’d rather be eaten alive by a pack of wolves. Still, he’s here, no matter how scared he might be.
I try to ignore the butterflies releasing themselves into my stomach. It’s obviously the baby … isn’t it?
As luck would have it, we don’t have to wait long for our first appointment with a midwife. A couple of days after seeing Doctor Maxwell, Scott and I are at the hospital to meet the person who’ll be guiding us through the next six months.
‘Nervous?’ he asks, casting me a sideways glance.
I grimace. ‘A little bit, what about you?’
He swallows hard but styles it out with an easy smile. ‘Weirdly yeah, but I don’t know why! I did some reading on the internet and we’re basically just going to be chatting about things like birth plans and prenatal care.’
I stifle a giggle. ‘Well, aren’t you just a big pregnancy encyclopaedia!’
He blushes. ‘Don’t laugh at me, I wanted to be prepared! I’ve got no experience of this stuff, so I didn’t know what to expect.’
‘Well you know at the twenty-week scan, they beam me up to the mother ship and start the experiments,’ I joke.
He gives my arm a playful push. ‘Very funny! Don’t pretend you haven’t been reading up on stuff too.’
It’s my turn to blush. ‘I started looking stuff up online yesterday, but I scared myself too much. Reading articles on pre-eclampsia and placenta praevia isn’t a great idea!’
‘Reminds me of when you used that online symptom checker and it said you probably had malaria!’ He laughs. ‘I told my mum about the baby. She called me a “silly boy” when I told her we weren’t together anymore, but she’s pretty excited about the whole thing.’
I try not to make