Five Unforgivable Things. Vivien Brown
knowing you lot. And down those little dark lanes? You’d have ended up in a ditch.’
‘Bit rough though, wasn’t it? You two missing your own reception.’
‘At least we made it to the wedding. That’s the most important thing.’ Dan squeezed my hand and I felt my new ring push its way gently into my flesh. His eyes were looking watery again and he quickly rubbed a sleeve over them. He’d been with me all night, dozing beside me in a chair, and had held my hand this morning, just as he was doing now, when the scan had shown us what we already knew. The baby was gone.
Rich looked uncomfortable, and I knew it wasn’t just because of his hangover or the hard plastic chair he was sitting on. He wasn’t good with emotional stuff, and the sight of his best mate on the verge of tears was not something he knew how to deal with. ‘Well, I just wanted to look in before I left,’ he said, bundling the last of the bunch of grapes, which by now wasn’t much more than a collection of stalks, back into their paper bag and dropping them on the bedside cabinet. He held out a hand to shake, but Dan walked around the bed and pulled him into an awkward bear hug.
‘Thanks for coming, mate. And, you know … for not losing the rings and everything.’
‘My pleasure. And I’m sorry about the baby.’
‘Yeah, I know.’
We watched in silence as Rich walked away down the ward, turning to wave before heading out towards the lifts.
Dan idly lifted up the paper bag, opened it and peered inside. ‘Grape?’ he said, plonking himself down on the bed and holding it out to me.
‘I don’t really fancy them now. Not having seen him spitting all those pips.’
‘Cup of tea, then?’
‘I’d love one. Although, now I’m not pregnant any more, I suppose we should push the boat out and have a proper drink. Of course, we may have to improvise a bit until we get out of here.’
‘Champagne, to celebrate?’
‘Well, maybe not celebrate exactly, in the circumstances. But at least to toast our future together, as we didn’t get to do it at the reception. Which reminds me, I never got to hear your speech, did I? Or the best man’s.’
‘Good job. They were rubbish anyway.’
And that was how our married life began. Just the two of us, where there should have been three, trying desperately hard not to cry, and sipping weak hospital tea with our eyes shut, pretending it was bursting with bubbles.
Natalie, 2017
‘Welcome home, you two.’ Natalie watched her sisters drop their coats and bags in the hall and went back to stirring a bowl of pasta sauce on the hob. She lifted the wooden spoon, licked it carefully – they were family so nobody would mind – then put it back into the pan. ‘So, what did you get up to on this spa break of yours?’
‘Oh, you know, just chilling out really,’ Beth said, bounding into the kitchen and sniffing the air appreciatively. ‘Lettuce leaves for lunch, a bit of swimming, some woman bashing away at our backs and rubbing our heads too hard. That kind of thing.’
‘Did you get to the beach?’
‘Not really the weather for it.’
‘And we didn’t get a lot of time,’ Jenny cut in, slipping into a chair and fiddling with the cutlery Natalie had already laid on the table. ‘So, sorry we didn’t bring you anything back.’
‘I didn’t expect you to.’
‘When’s Mum home?’
Natalie tilted the steaming pan and started spooning the sauce over plates piled high with too much spaghetti. ‘Sunday, I think. I’ve not heard from her. She didn’t take her phone. I found it on the hall table.’
‘Typical!’ Beth carried two of the plates to the table and went back for the third.
‘Got any Parmesan, Nat?’ Jenny was already twirling the pasta inexpertly around her fork and dropping most of it back onto the plate.
‘Anyone would think I’m the only one who lives here! You know where the fridge is.’
‘Don’t bother yourselves, either of you,’ Beth said, using her best put-upon voice. ‘I’m still standing. I’ll get it.’ She rummaged around in the fridge, tore open a bag of ready-grated cheese, poured it into a bowl and sat down with it still in her hand. ‘And thanks for cooking, Nat. It’s been a very long journey and I’m famished.’
‘Not that long,’ Jenny said. ‘But I think all that sea air must have made us hungry.’
Natalie wheeled her chair over to the table and slid it into her usual place. ‘I’ve missed this,’ she said when they were all settled and eating. ‘I know you were only gone two nights, but …’
‘Better get used to it, girl. You won’t have us two around all the time once you’re married, you know.’
‘I know. It’s like the end of an era, though, isn’t it?’
‘You didn’t say that when Ollie left home.’
‘That was different somehow. This is … well, I don’t know, I love Ollie, of course I do, but maybe it’s just because we’re the girls. It feels like the break-up of the Three Musketeers or something. You know, all for one and one for all.’
If only it was really like that, she thought. The three of them doing everything together. Because, although she knew they meant nothing by it and the last thing they would want would be to hurt her, they did make her feel a bit left out sometimes. Sharing a room for so long had brought the two of them closer, along with all the whispering and giggling together after lights out that had inevitably come with it. And hadn’t they just been away together and left her at home? Still, she shouldn’t blame them. Her wheelchair made it harder to do things together. Normal things, that didn’t need loads of planning and thinking about stairs and ramps and space. It even put her at a different level, a good couple of feet below everyone else, so even hugs were hard sometimes.
But she was being too harsh. She knew she was. Just look at how Beth had carried the plates and gone to the fridge for the cheese. They were always making allowances for the things Natalie couldn’t do as easily, or as quickly, as the others, anyway. Both of them, always being extra kind, extra helpful. And they were her sisters, for God’s sake. They knew her inside out, but for weeks now the elephant had been stomping about in the room. The wedding they seemed to find it so hard to talk about. The wedding that Natalie wanted, and the one – the very different one – they were trying to push upon her. If they still didn’t understand that all she needed was to feel normal and relaxed and comfortable, especially when it came to her own wedding, what hope was there that anyone else would?
‘Is Phil back at the weekend too?’ Beth said.
Natalie nodded, her mouth too full of food to talk.
‘More wedding stuff to sort out, I suppose. You really should get out more and have some fun, you know.’
‘Yes, you’re like an old married couple already,’ Jenny added. ‘Still, not long to go now, eh?’
Natalie swallowed the pasta and wiped her mouth. Ah, here we go, she thought. They’ve brought the conversation back round to their favourite topic. She wondered what had taken them so long. ‘Eleven weeks. As you well know!’
‘Chosen the dress yet?’ Jenny asked. ‘Only, you do seem to be cutting it a bit fine.’