The Silent Cry: There is little Kim can do as her mother's mental health spirals out of control. Cathy Glass
now too, as though the walls are gradually closing in and crushing her, crushing her to death.
She sits huddled at one end of the sofa, too scared to look around. Scared of what she might see in this unnaturally dark and quiet room that is threatening to squeeze the air out of her and squash her to nothing. Scared, too, of what lies ahead if she stands and goes to the telephone to make that call, and tells them what she’s done. They will come and take her baby for sure if she tells them that she has given birth to the devil.
Chapter One
Everyone loves a newborn baby and wants a little look. Even those who protest that they are not ‘baby lovers’ can’t resist a peep at the miracle of a new life. I joined the other mothers grouped around the pram in the school playground as we waited with our children for the start of school.
‘Congratulations, he’s gorgeous,’ I said, adding my own best wishes to the many others.
‘Thank you,’ Laura (the new mum) said quietly, a little bemused by all the attention.
‘How old is he now?’ I asked.
‘Two weeks.’
‘Aah, he’s adorable.’
‘Make the most of every moment,’ another mother said. ‘They grow up far too quickly.’
My own daughter, Paula, aged thirteen months, was sitting in the stroller and wanted to have a look too, so I unclipped the safety harness and lifted her out so she could see into the pram.
‘Baby,’ she said cutely, pointing.
‘Yes, that’s baby Liam,’ I said.
‘Baby Liam,’ she repeated with a little chuckle.
‘You were that small once,’ I said, and she chuckled again.
‘He’s my baby brother,’ Kim, Laura’s daughter, said proudly.
‘I know. Aren’t you a lucky girl?’ I said to her, returning Paula to her stroller.
Kim nodded and touched her baby brother’s face protectively, then planted a delicate little kiss on his cheek.
The family had moved into the street where I lived about a year before. Laura and I had got to know each other a little from seeing each other on the way to and from school. My son Adrian, aged five, attended this school but was in a different year to Kim, who was seven. Living quite close to each other I kept meaning to invite Laura in for a coffee and develop our friendship, but I hadn’t found the opportunity, what with looking after my own family, fostering and studying for a degree part-time. I guessed Laura had been busy too, especially now she had a baby.
Amid all the oohings and aahings over little Liam the Klaxon sounded the start of school and parents began saying goodbye to their children.
‘Bye, love,’ I said to Adrian, giving him a kiss on the cheek. ‘Have a good day. Make sure you eat your lunch, and have a drink.’ He’d only been in school a year and I still fussed over him.
‘Bye, Mum. Bye, Paula,’ he said, and ran over to join his class who were lining up, ready to go in.
‘Bye, little Liam,’ Kim said, leaning into the pram again to give her brother one last kiss. She clearly didn’t want to leave him. ‘See you later. Be a good boy for Mummy.’ I smiled.
‘Cathy,’ Laura said suddenly, clutching my arm. ‘I feel a bit hot. I’m going to get a drink of water. Could you stay with the pram, please?’
She turned and walked quickly towards the water fountain situated in an alcove at the far end of the building. Kim looked at me anxiously.
‘Don’t worry, love. I’ll make sure your mum is all right. You go into school.’
She hesitated, but then ran over to join her class, who were going in. I could see Laura at the fountain, leaning forward and sipping the cool water. I thought I should go over in case she was feeling faint. She’d only given birth two weeks before and I could remember how I’d sometimes suddenly felt hot and dizzy in the first few weeks after having both of my children. Pushing Paula’s stroller with my right hand and Liam’s pram with my left, I steered them across the playground to the water fountain. ‘Are you OK?’ I asked Laura as we approached.
‘Oh, yes, thank you,’ she said, straightening and wiping her mouth on a tissue. ‘I came over a bit funny. I’m all right now.’
I thought she looked pale. ‘Why don’t you sit down for a while? The children are going in.’ There were a couple of benches in the playground that the children used at playtime.
‘No, I’m all right, honestly. I just felt a bit hot and panicky. I think it was all the attention, and it is warm today.’
‘Yes, it is warm for May,’ I agreed. ‘But make sure you don’t overdo it.’
She tucked the tissue into her pocket and shook her hair from her face. ‘My husband and mother-in-law said it was too soon for me to be out and about. I guess they were right. But I was getting cabin fever staying at home all the time. I needed a change of scenery.’ She put her hands onto the pram handle ready for the off.
‘Are you going straight home?’ I asked. ‘I’ll walk with you.’
‘Yes, but there’s no need. I’ll be fine.’
‘I’d like to,’ I said. ‘I walk by your house on the way to mine.’
‘All right. Thanks.’ She flicked her hair from her face again and we began across the playground to the main gate. Laura was a tall, attractive woman, whom I guessed to be in her mid-thirties, and she was very slim despite recently giving birth. She had naturally wavy, shoulder-length brown hair, which was swept away from her forehead.
‘Is Liam sleeping and feeding well?’ I asked, making conversation as we walked.
‘Baby,’ Paula repeated, pointing to his pram travelling along beside her.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ I said to her. ‘Baby Liam.’
‘I’m up every three hours at night feeding him,’ Laura said. ‘But you expect that with a newborn, don’t you?’
I nodded. ‘It’s very tiring. I remember craving sleep in the first few months. If someone had offered me a night out at a top-class restaurant or seven hours unbroken sleep, I would have gone for the latter without a doubt.’
‘Agreed,’ Laura said with a small smile.
We were silent for a few moments as we concentrated on crossing the road, and then we turned the corner and began up our street. ‘How do you like living here?’ I asked, resuming conversation.
‘Fine. It’s nearer Andy’s – my husband’s – job, and his family. My mother-in-law only lives five streets away.’
‘Is that the lady I’ve seen in the playground, collecting Kim from school?’ I asked out of interest.
‘Yes. Geraldine. She’s very helpful. I don’t know what I’d do without her.’
‘It’s good to have help,’ I said. ‘My parents help me out when they can, but they live an hour’s drive away, and my husband’s family are even further away.’
‘Yes,’ Laura said, looking thoughtful. ‘My mother lives over a hundred miles away. You foster, don’t you?’
‘I do, although I’m taking a few months off at present to finish my degree. After our last foster child left my husband accepted a contract to work abroad for three months, so it seemed a good opportunity to study. The social services know I’m available for an emergency or for respite care, but I’m hoping I won’t be disturbed too often.’
‘What’s