Wide Open. Nicola Barker
the side pocket on the driver’s side of the car and located a bottle of water which he unscrewed, sniffed and then poured on to his hand and dabbed over his cheek. He repeated this process several times and then inspected his face in the side mirror. His cheek, nose and left eye were slightly puckered and swollen. He applied some more water.
‘Do you want the watch back?’
The other Ronny had deserted his island and was now standing behind him, holding out the watch.
Ronny prickled, like he was full of static. ‘Not at all. You’re welcome to it.’
‘How’s your cheek?’
‘It’ll be fine.’
‘You must be cold. Here …’
The other Ronny took off the old brown cardigan he was wearing and proffered it.
‘Actually I have a change of clothes in the boot.’
As he spoke Ronny noticed the other Ronny’s arms. They were skeletal. He put his hand to his mouth. He felt an unexpected combination of deep alarm and lurching nausea.
‘What?’
The other Ronny inspected his cardigan with some confusion as though Ronny’s distress had been generated by it and not by him.
‘Your arms,’ Ronny managed, through his fingers.
The other Ronny looked down at his arms, grimaced, and then put his cardigan back on again.
‘I can’t keep the watch,’ he said quietly, ‘I would feel beholden.’
Ronny was shivering. He went and grabbed his clothes from the boot of the car and began dragging them on. He felt sick. His mouth was drowning in a sweet saliva. Was it poison or was it pity? He couldn’t tell.
‘Pawn the watch,’ he said thickly, ‘and get something proper to eat.’
The other Ronny didn’t appreciate this suggestion. ‘I would never consider selling it,’ he said and then turned to go, patently wounded.
Ronny panicked, he didn’t know why. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To my island.’
‘How long will you stay there?’
‘I have no idea.’
He left him.
Ronny bundled his white suit into the back of the Volvo and then sat down in the driving seat. He adjusted the rear-view mirror, initially to inspect his cheek and then to try and catch sight of the other Ronny.
The other Ronny was back on his island. Ronny sat watching him for a while. He wanted to go. But something stopped him. An unfamiliar impulse. He was late. He wanted to go, he wanted to, but he couldn’t.
He dabbed at his eye with the cuff of his sleeve. He felt terrible. His stomach was rollercoastering.
‘Jim!’
Like a voice in his head. Ronny started and glanced up in alarm. As if by sorcery, the other Ronny had rematerialized next to him.
‘Pardon?’
‘A gift. From me. In exchange for the watch.’
‘I don’t get it.’
‘A new name. Jim. It came to me in a flash.’
Ronny laughed nervously. ‘I don’t need a new name.’
The other Ronny was visibly galled. ‘Big Ron is dead,’ he said, matter-of-factly, ‘so why not bury him?’
Ronny was surprised. He was confounded. But above all he had the strong feeling that it was ill-mannered to reject a gift so freely given.
‘Jim’s a nice name,’ he said gently, ‘but I don’t ever hide from things.’
‘You’ve got nothing to hide from,’ the other Ronny insisted, as though he really understood everything. ‘You have an honest face. I have an instinct for honesty. In faces.’
Ronny was taken by surprise. He was quiet for a while. The other Ronny misconstrued his silence. He decided that it might be best to return to his island. He took a few steps back. He never pushed things. He was a piece of chaff. A dandelion seed. He floated and landed, floated and landed.
He took several more steps. The wind was behind him. A gust of it touched him and defined his outline against the streetlights and the headlights.
Ronny took it all in and felt his gullet fracture. This man was a streak of piss, a twig, a little foal. He was one small knot in an endless scrag of string.
‘If you want to do me a favour …’ his mouth said – his eyes showing the shock of it – ‘I mean if you want to repay me for the watch then you could drive me home. My eye’s sore and I feel nauseous. I’m in a hurry to get the car back. You said you knew someone in Sheppey …’
‘You.’
Ronny frowned. ‘What?’
‘You’re the person I know in Sheppey.’
‘But we only just met.’
The other Ronny cleared his throat. ‘Same people,’ he said, ‘different lives.’
Ronny smiled, but thinly. ‘I certainly hope that isn’t true.’
He meant it. He believed that each person could only lead one life. He sensed that nothing in him could be different from how it was. He was a closed book. His pages were permanently meshed together.
‘I live in a beach house,’ he said eventually. ‘I have extra blankets.’
The other Ronny stood and considered his offer.
‘I have no driver’s licence,’ he said finally.
‘Me neither.’ Ronny tried to appear indifferent, but suddenly this mattered to him so badly.
‘It’s a Volvo,’ he said cheerfully, ‘and they have big bumpers.’
The other Ronny still seemed uncertain.
‘There’s the beach,’ Ronny said, scrabbling for incentives, ‘and a natural wildlife reserve with owls and hunting birds …’
Still the other Ronny hesitated.
‘And rabbits … I mean unusual rabbits. Jet black ones. Wild. It’s a strange place, flat and empty like the surface of the moon.’
‘And the sea …?’ the other Ronny said, teetering.
‘Yes.’
The other Ronny scratched his right arm with his left hand. ‘Fine,’ he announced, ‘but here’s the hitch …’
Ronny nodded, ready for any eventuality.
‘You’ll have to change gear. I don’t use my right hand.’
‘OK.’
Ronny never yearned for anything. Not any more. Although at one stage in his life he’d discovered a worrying talent for persuasion. Persuasion had become a weakness with him. A sickness. Once he’d set his sights on something he seemed to yearn for it with an almost obscene fervour. Often things he hadn’t even known he’d wanted. Those were the worst.
He’d convinced himself that those times were pretty much behind him. This was a blip.
‘And the second thing …’ the other Ronny was eerily emphatic, ‘you’re Jim or I don’t come.’
‘Jim.’
‘That’s my gift.’
‘You call me Jim.’
‘No. You call yourself Jim and you mean it.’
‘Jim.’
Ronny felt a wave of euphoria,