Break-Up Club: A smart, funny novel about love and friendship. Lorelei Mathias
in the mirror and giving him a quick kiss on the forehead. ‘Brilliant. Shall we go upstairs?’ she said, shoving on some lip gloss. ‘Hope you’re hungry. There’s shitloads of food.’
Three hours later, 249a was at capacity. People were lining the stairs from the hallway to the kitchen, to the extent where it almost looked as though their kitchen had a one-in-one-out policy. Most of the faces she knew, but some were Daniel’s work colleagues, who were mostly the wrong side of dorky. Dressed in shirts and smart shoes, they were downing vodka like they’d never been hung-over before. Holly headed to the kitchen and spotted Daniel, his head in the freezer, wading through bags of frozen peas and fish fingers.
‘Have you seen the ice?’ he asked. ‘It can’t have all gone?’
‘No, sorry,’ Holly said. ‘Do you ever wonder whether we’re too old to have parties like this now?’
Daniel nodded. ‘Every minute,’ he said as they watched someone run and be sick into a bin.
‘Have you seen Bella?’ Holly asked and Daniel shook his head.
Moments later, Holly was pushing her way through the randoms in the hallway. She peeled two drunk girls off Bella’s bedroom door, then hammered on it.
‘I’m not here.’
‘Bella? Are you OK? Everyone’s been asking where you are. It’s me, Holly.’
‘Oh, OK. Come in. But don’t bring anyone else.’
Holly walked into the room and was affronted by a crockery-based Armageddon. Dirty plates, half-empty mugs of furry tea, and pizza boxes lined the floor, along with piles of dirty washing. At the centre of it all was Bella, lying across her bed, staring at her laptop.
‘Oi! You’re not stalking him again?’
‘I’m not, really, I promise!!!’
Bella’s fingers leapt to the screen, and minimised the tab she had open. Holly snatched the laptop off her and opened up the History column in the toolbar, which yielded about a hundred search results for ‘Sam Macnamara’, and some pages of IMDb. Holly cleared her throat. ‘Yes you are. You’re on the International Movie Database.’
‘But he’s just been released from Guildhall and I need to check up on him! See what girls he’s working with and how pretty they are!’
‘Step away from the Macbook, Isabella Allen.’
‘In a minute! Just as soon as I’ve finished looking at his new Spotlight photos; he’s had a load more done, and he looks so hot in them! In black and white, too. LOOK AT THEM,’ she said, scrolling through the pictures. ‘I can’t bear it. I can’t bear to think that that used to be mine!’
‘He looks gay in them to me.’
‘Really?’ Bella’s cheeks brightened. ‘Not edgy, hunky, manly?’
‘Gay as a Tahitian pineapple.’
Bella’s eyes lit up like a Catherine wheel. Then she stared at Holly as if to say, ‘Please sir, can I have some more.’
‘And old. Just look at those new wrinkles round his eyes. All that chain-smoking is bound to add years to his playing age.’
‘Oh, you’re a good friend,’ Bella said, smiling.
‘Seriously, friend, this isn’t good. Is your RADAR not switched on?’
‘I know. I’m a certified nut-nut. But you’d think with all the modern-day inventions, someone would invent an app to stop you Googling or Face-stalking people?’ she looked at Holly, her eyes desperate.
‘They have, you numpty,’ Holly said. ‘It’s called the application of willpower.’
‘Oh very funny. But…’ she trailed off, realising something. ‘Aha! You can’t stop me watching his reel though, can you! HAHA! I’ve got that on an actual “duvuda”! Bet you don’t know where that is, do you?’
‘No, I don’t. But, honey, you MUST stop monitoring his progress. It’s a little bit bunny-boiling, and it isn’t going to help you get over him.’
‘Get over him? Why should I want to do that?’
Holly sighed. There was a knock at the door.
‘Girls?’ came the concerned voice of their flatmate.
‘Come in. I could do with some back-up in here.’
Daniel strode in just as Bella began pressing the refresh key over and over again, her eyes widening.
‘OH flipping lord, NO. Holly, your dongle has gone flaccid! The Internet has shut me out! I was just about to see who was playing the leading lady in his new play! Daniel, please can I borrow your wireless code thing? I promise not to use it for porn.’
Daniel shook his head adamantly. ‘It’s a no from me, Bella.’
‘Please??!’
‘No way. You went over my download limit last time.’
‘Please??!’
Daniel was still shaking his head.
‘Shit, it’s not fair!’ Bella said. ‘Where is Magic Internet when you need it?’
Bella was referring to the intermittent insecure Wi-Fi they were sometimes able to pick up And because Magic Internet occasionally worked in her bedroom, she had refused to contribute financially towards getting proper broadband installed in the flat.
‘Bella, the party is in full swing, why don’t you come upstairs and actually socialize? It’s eleven thirty!’ Holly said, looking at Bella’s clock on the wall.
‘Oh that one’s really fast. It’s not as late as that.’
‘Well what time is it?’ Daniel asked, his patience waning.
Bella pointed to the alarm clock on her bedside table. ‘Let’s see, that one’s only seven minutes fast, I think. So if that one says it’s twenty past, then it must be just coming up to eleven fifteen.’
‘Bella you lunatic, why are none of your clocks set at the right time?!’
‘I’ve told you before; it’s to stop me being late!’
‘But if you never know which one is which, how does that even work?!’
But Bella was still absorbed with tapping away at her screen, pressing refresh and trying to make the Internet come to life. She sighed.
Daniel was now fractionally red in the face. ‘Seriously, Belle, what are you DOING? There’s a party going on upstairs. A party YOU insisted on having. Our house is getting crapped on from a great height. The least you could do is get up there and ENJOY IT.’
Bella’s face began creasing. Gradually, something similar to the Iguazu Falls came gushing out of her eyes, down her face and onto the bed, leaving watery deposits of mascara all over her pink duvet. And so began a tantrum-ette. To the uninitiated, a tantrum-ette wasn’t quite a full-blown hysteria fit with fist-on-floor thumping action, but it was tiptoeing over the edge of what constituted ‘normal’ adult behaviour. Amusing to watch though it was, it didn’t last long, and Bella would be back to her charming self within minutes.
Holly put her arm around her. ‘Come on, B. It’ll be OK. I know it must feel horrendous now, but it will get better.’ She watched in silence as her hand rose and descended on Bella’s back, in time with her sobs.
Daniel dispatched a guilty, ‘I think my work here is done,’ look at Holly, before retreating upstairs. She started brushing Bella’s hair and mopping up her face with tissues.
‘Thanks Holly,’ Bella said through sobs.
‘Hey, anytime,’ she said, delivering a big bear hug.
‘I’m really sorry for having