Chances. Freya North
the table just in front of him, as if it was a black box stuffed with secrets and information. ‘Does it need both of you to go? Who’ll look after the shop?’
‘Only one of us need go,’ Tim said, knowing he was going to Edinburgh for a meeting but deciding not to tell Suzie just yet.
‘Cool,’ said Suzie, but she wasn’t cool at all. She felt heated and tetchy, wishing she’d been born in July or November.
Tim was gathering his stuff together.
‘Tonight?’ Suzie said. ‘Shall we do something?’
‘Cool,’ said Tim, kissing her on the forehead in the perfunctory way Suzie had seen a hundred bored husbands kiss their annoying wives.
Suzie thought, I’m always instigating the plans. And then she thought, it seems to mostly be me initiating sex too, these days.
It was hard work, all of this and she was tired. She didn’t feel quite so effortlessly sassy these days. She had to turn it on. She did really, really want Tim to really, really want her, though. She’d set herself the challenge of being the one he desired more than any other he’d had. Especially Vita. Especially annoying old Vita. For Suzie, Vita actually stirred up more emotions in her than Tim and frequently she swung from triumph to insecurity, superiority to jealousy, from loathing to fear. She thought about her a lot and tried to be better at the things she knew Vita did well while trying not to do the things she knew had pissed Tim off about her. It was a constant guessing game and sneaking a look at texts and call logs assisted her. She’d spent much time analysing the photos in the box under Tim’s bed and many evenings with friends – on the phone, out in a bar – evaluating and dissecting Tim’s relationship with Vita and now hers with Tim. He’s with you, hon, not her, they all said. But he was with Vita for years and he loved her enough to want to marry her! she’d counter. If he loved her that much, why aren’t they still together? they’d bat back.
He’s. With. Me.
She had to keep remembering that. But sometimes it just didn’t feel that way. At those times it was easier for her to hate Vita rather than doubt Tim.
Vita was in deep discussion with a customer about the merits of the cream enamelware pitcher and tray, as opposed to the same items in white edged in blue.
‘The cream is more contemporary, modern Shaker you could say – perfect for the Farrow and Ball type interior,’ she was saying when Tim walked in. ‘Anyway, they’re the same price – whichever you choose.’
‘It’s for an American friend of mine.’
‘Oh,’ said Vita, as if solving a riddle, ‘well then, I’d definitely go for the white – it’s more traditional. More Englishy cottagey oldie worldie.’ Tim smiled. It was a very Vita thing to say. It was also a good sales tactic. The white set was bought. The customer looked thoughtful and all it took was a collusory prompt, sotto voce, from Vita.
‘You love the cream set,’ she said. ‘Why not treat yourself?’
The customer glanced back at it.
‘I’ll knock a little off, if you have both.’
‘Really?’
‘Five pounds.’
The customer paused and then grinned guiltily. ‘Go on then.’ And while Vita was wrapping and packing, the lady handed over four packets of quirky paper napkins that were displayed near the till. They cost more than the discount.
‘She’d have bought both without the discount,’ was Tim’s opening gambit when they had the shop to themselves.
‘She wouldn’t have bought the napkins though. It’s the feel-good factor. She’ll be back. She’ll always come here for gifts. And sometimes I’ll give her a discount and other times I won’t. And that means she’ll come back even more often.’
‘Whatever you say,’ Tim said. He’d never really figured out Vita’s business strategies.
Vita looked at him. They were standing next to each other, both of them with hands on hips, looking at the table with the little creatures made from teasels and pine cones, as if observing naughty children.
‘Are these popular?’
‘No, not really,’ Vita said. ‘The kids all want them, but the mums worry they’ll make a mess or have creepy crawlies hibernating in them.’
Creepy crawlies. A Vita-ism. Tim smiled.
‘How’s things?’ he asked. She looked good today. He’d stopped noticing. A long time ago.
She shrugged. ‘June’s not been a good month – but not a bad month either, all things considering. A little down on last year.’
‘And outside of the shop? Work and play?’
She shrugged again. ‘Not a good month, not a bad month. A little down on last year. All things considered.’ The allusion was lost on him. ‘And you?’
He shrugged too.
Tell me about Suzie, Tim. Own up. No, don’t.
An awkward silence during which, standing there, side by side, elbows almost touching, she could sense his body heat. They were close but too close for comfort. Vita stepped away. ‘So!’
‘So,’ said Tim, ‘about the trade fair.’
‘Yes,’ said Vita, ‘what do you think?’
‘I’m meant to be in Edinburgh,’ Tim said. ‘I can’t cancel it – they’re a new client for the consultancy.’
‘But what about the shop?’
‘Could Jodie come in? The show’s only at Alexandra Palace. You don’t need to stay over. One day would probably be enough anyway.’
‘I thought you said Jodie’s beyond useless?’
‘As a Saturday girl, yes,’ said Tim, ‘but midweek – she’ll probably be flattered, she may even rise to the challenge. She’s an impoverished student – she’ll probably relish the chance to skip some boring lecture.’
‘I’ll ask her. But what if she can’t?’
‘God, Vita, why don’t you just ask her first – and depending on her answer, then worry about a plan B?’
And Vita thought to herself, Remember that? The way he turns? The way you think you’re pals and suddenly you wonder if he really dislikes you?
‘I’ll do that,’ she said and she wanted him to leave.
‘Let me know,’ he said, on his way out. And then he paused. ‘Nice dress. By the way.’
It gave her a lift. And she was angry with herself for letting it.
Before she rang Jodie, Vita did the sensible thing and allowed herself a few minutes to think about Tim. To really think about him. Wondered why he didn’t use his relationship with Suzie against her when that really would be a very Tim thing to do. Shove it in her face, brandish it about. What meaning could Vita find in this? Was it that he didn’t want to hurt her? If so, did that then imply he had feelings for her still? Or did it mean Suzie meant nothing and wasn’t worth mentioning because in the course of his life she simply wasn’t important? If so, then she really wasn’t the new Vita, she was an opportune distraction. A bed warmer. A drinking buddy. An ego boost. Cheaper than a Porsche but with the same penis-extension factor.
I hope it’s that she simply doesn’t figure large enough in his life to be worth mentioning, Vita thought.
And then she thought, if that was the case, it was therefore rather pathetic that Suzie loomed larger for her than for Tim, that Suzie was in some ways a more real presence in her life than in his. What she thought it boiled down to was that she just really didn’t want the woman he left her for to be the true, profound love of his life.
I