Bad Cook. Esther Walker
Interlude: Things to Make Sure You Have Done Before You Bring a Baby Home from Hospital
Auntie Hannah’s Courgette Thing
Please Do Not Invite Me to Your Party
What the Hell to Do with Red Mullet
The Time I Went on a Date with Jason Orange
You Can’t Fake a Family (AKA Worst Holiday Ever Part 2)
Where I Finally Go Completely Mad
The Perfect is The Enemy of the Good
Life Stoves My Head in with a Plank
How to Cater for a Lot of People Without Going Insane or Having to Be a Very Good Cook
Interlude: How to Talk to a Butcher
Making Dinner, Night after Night, Without Going Insane
A Ham is Not Just for Christmas
Note: How to Clean Your Kitchen
Prologue
I always skip over prologues in books because it’s almost always the boring author, boring on about some dreary yet grand schema they have for their dismal little work. But this isn’t going to be boring!! I promise!! And you need to read it to understand what follows. I need to explain just what the hell is going on. So, ready?
In 2009 I walked out on my job as a features writer on the Independent. Being a features writer was my dream job, until I started doing it and realized that I was no good at it. Worse, the paper was running at a massive loss with a miserable shortage of staff, money and morale. They didn’t like me, and I didn’t like them and the whole thing was a terrible disaster. I left with no job to go to, but I lived with my rich boyfriend and I thought that with my experience and the few friends I had in the industry, I could get myself some sort of freelancing career.
But about two months after I went, Lehman Brothers collapsed, the housing market swiftly followed and the world sank into a recession, which seems ongoing. This, coupled with the fact that as chance would have it I am not only the world’s worst features writer, I am apparently also the world’s worst freelance journalist, spelled disaster for my career.
I just could not get it together. Getting a piece published suddenly seemed to be