Lost & Found. Kitty Neale
unaware of how pale she looked.
Her father’s gaze was sharp. ‘Mavis, you look like death. What’s the matter?’
She was saved from answering when her mother spoke. ‘What happened? Don’t tell me you blew it and didn’t get the job.’
‘No, no, I got it. I start tomorrow.’
She saw her father frown, then he said, ‘Well, my girl, something’s upset you. Come on, spit it out.’
Mavis hung her head, searching for an answer and, unable to tell the truth, she said, ‘It’s Mrs Pugh’s son. I … I didn’t like him.’
‘Why? What’s wrong with him?’ Lily asked.
‘He … he was funny with me. Stuck up.’
‘Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Like his mother, from what I’ve heard—just ’cos he works in an office, Alec Pugh thinks he’s a cut above the rest of us.’
Once again her father spoke. ‘Are you sure that’s all it is, Mavis? He was just off with you. Is that right?’
With her mind churning, Mavis knew she couldn’t tell her father the truth. He’d go mad, and Larry was right, what if he didn’t believe her side of the story? Had she led them on? Mavis didn’t know. She’d bumped into them on the common, had been pleased that, instead of making fun of her as usual, they’d been friendly. They’d sat on a bench, both boys telling her silly jokes that made her laugh. But then the atmosphere changed, became tense and as though on cue, they fumbled with their trousers. She’d never seen willies before and was horrified when they pulled them out. Larry flaunted his, giggling, and unsure of how to react she had giggled too. Larry had told her to hold his, but suddenly frightened by the intense look in his eyes, she had said no. Larry had pounced then, pulling her from the bench and onto the grass. Tommy at first hesitated, but then joined in, both pushing her back and trying to lift up her skirt. She had screamed, kicked, and it was then the boys saw someone coming. They released her from their grip and she had scrambled away, picking herself up to run home, too sick with shame to tell her mother what had happened. Since that day, four weeks earlier, she had avoided them, went in the other direction if she saw them coming, but she had seen them too late this time.
‘Mavis, I just asked you a question.’
‘Sorry, Dad. Yes, Alec Pugh was just off with me. Like I said, sort of stuck up.’
‘I ain’t having some jumped-up office clerk looking down on my daughter. You can get back round there and tell the woman she can stick her bloody job.’
‘Leave it out, Ron,’ said Lily. ‘She’ll do no such thing. Anyway, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It’s Edith Pugh she’ll be working for, not her son.’
‘She’s just as bad, ain’t she?’
‘Maybe, but she can teach Mavis a lot and it’s daft to blow the girl’s chances.’
‘Chances! Doing flaming cleaning!’
‘What else is she fit for? If Edith Pugh can teach her to clean without breaking every thing she touches, it could lead to something.’
‘Huh! Like what?’
‘I dunno, but it’s better than learning nothing.’
‘Well, I think it’s up to Mavis. Now, my girl, do you want to take the job or not?’
Once again Mavis hung her head. If her father kept his word and sent five pounds every week, maybe her dream of going to art college was within reach. She daren’t raise the subject yet—not until her mother had seen the painting. In the meantime she was happy to earn a few bob working for Mrs Pugh. ‘I don’t mind, Dad. It’s only for an hour after school.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘You heard the girl, Ron, and, as I said, it could lead to something. Now then, Mavis, get the rest of the stuff out of the pram so I can give it a good look over.’
Mavis went into the yard, still dreaming, still hoping her dad would keep his word. With the money he sent, and if she carried on cleaning for Mrs Pugh when she left school, perhaps every evening and weekend, surely then her mother would be able to afford to let her go to college.
Lily woke up on Tuesday morning to find that Ron had taken most of the blankets. She shivered, snuggled up to his warm body, aware that this was the last time she’d be able to do this for a long, long time. He stirred, groaned with pleasure as her hand moved down to touch him, and soon Lily was wrapped in his arms, their lovemaking passionate. Lily relished Ron’s touch, his mouth as it devoured hers, and was taken to new heights, her nails raking his back.
When it was over, Ron collapsed by her side, and Lily wondered as she always did why their lovemaking had only resulted in one child—one who was nothing but a disappointment. It didn’t help that her neighbour and so-called friend next door, Kate Truman, had three kids, all normal, one so good at school that she was going on to college.
Kate was always bragging about how clever her Sandra was, and how her younger daughter, Ellie, was also showing signs of passing her eleven plus. Even Kate’s son was doing well as an apprentice plumber, though the boy was so ugly he reminded Lily of a bulldog. Oh, what was the matter with her? It was just sour grapes, Lily knew that, but she was sick of the pitying glances Kate threw at her whenever Mavis was around. And it wasn’t just Kate—others in the street were the same, proud of their kids; whereas Lily knew nothing but shame.
Lily knew that she should love Mavis, had waited for that wonderful moment that other women spoke about when their babies were first put into their arms, but for her there had been nothing. She had looked at her baby and felt nothing! And all these years later, she still didn’t. It added to her shame, made her sharp with Mavis but, unlike Kate, she had nothing to be proud about in her daughter. Was the fault hers? Was there something wrong with her? Did she lack maternal instincts? No, no, if Mavis had been normal, surely she would have grown to love her? Her thoughts making her restless, Lily threw the blankets to one side, but Ron turned to grab her, holding her fast.
‘Don’t get up yet, love.’
‘I’ve got work to do, and if you want to be away by eight, you’d better sort your stuff out.’
‘What’s to sort? I packed my case last night. Come on, let’s make the most of this last morning.’
Unable to resist, Lily turned into his arms again, their lovemaking slower this time. Like her, Ron knew that this would be the last time, his touch tender, caressing, until unable to hold back any longer they became frenzied: so in tune with each other’s bodies that they both climaxed at the same time.
Lily lay for a moment, panting, but knew that like it or not she had to get up. With a swift kiss she pushed Ron off and then clambered out of bed, quickly wrapping her old, fleecy dressing gown around her.
‘Lily, I don’t think I want to go. How about I get another job locally?’
‘Why the sudden change of heart?’
‘It’s you, love. I don’t think I can stand to be away from you for months on end.’
Lily was tempted to agree, but common sense took over. If Ron worked locally he’d be down the dog track as soon as he got his first wage packet and, as usual, she’d be left with hardly a penny. At least if he was working away, and if he stuck to his promise, the future would be rosy. Yes, she’d miss him too—well, she thought, smiling wryly, she’d miss the sex—but it wasn’t forever.
‘Yeah, it’s gonna be rotten,’ she placated, ‘but if you don’t go in with Pete, there’ll be no chance of your own business. Not only that, it’s a bit late now to let him down.’
Ron