Gracie. Marie Maxwell
I’m now really thinking you’re ashamed of me, Gracie. Do you think I’m not good enough for them? Not good enough for you yourself?’
‘That’s so daft and you know it,’ Gracie replied. ‘It’s just as I said, I don’t have much to do with them any more so telling them isn’t that important.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But you’re right and of course we’ll go and tell them … Soon. After we tell yours.’
After a few moments of uncomfortable silence from Sean where Gracie was unsure what to say, he stood up and walked over to the French windows that opened out onto the balcony.
‘Is it too cold to go out there, do you think?’ Sean asked, with his hand on the ornate wrought-iron handle.
‘Too bloody cold for me, that’s for sure,’ Gracie laughed, ‘but you’re welcome to go and freeze your ears off if you must.’
Sean shrugged his jacket on and stood the collar up round his ears before opening the full-length window and going outside. He quickly pulled it closed behind him, leaving Gracie rubbing her hands together in front of the fire and feeling as if her euphoria had been snatched away. She’d been so caught up in the dreamy planning, she’d stupidly not given a thought to Sean wanting to involve their respective families. With all his relatives being in Ireland and hers all but estranged they had never been part of their relationship and she had subconsciously excluded them all, but now she found herself wondering about Sean’s family and worrying about her own.
In Gracie’s mind, Ruby Blakeley was her family, the Thamesview Hotel was her home and she hadn’t thought much further than that.
As her new fiancé stood on the balcony, looking out into the darkness with his back to her, Gracie looked at his shadowy outline through the glass. He was standing perfectly still with his shoulders hunched up to his ears and his hands in his pockets.
At first glance Sean Donnelly looked very average and he didn’t stand out at all from the crowd. He was about five foot eight in his socks, with coarse black hair that already had a few premature stray white hairs, pale Celtic skin that glowed in the sun and the beginnings of a paunch – but he also had green eyes that twinkled when he laughed, an easy-going personality and he worked hard. His Irish accent had lessened over the years he’d been in England but it was still there in the background and Gracie loved listening to him when he was in full flow, telling embellished stories of happenings in the Palace Hotel where he worked. She had seen him grumpy, tired and occasionally fed-up but she’d never seen him lose his temper or get roaring drunk and he’d never been nasty to her, even when they occasionally bickered.
As she studied him, lost in her thoughts, he turned round and smiled at her. Gracie smiled back. Sean was a nice young man, perfect husband material in her eyes, and she was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. She wasn’t going to let anything spoil that for her.
Especially not her oft-regretted past and her unforgiving mother.
Grabbing her coat and scarf Gracie followed Sean outside into the cold winter air.
‘It’s not that bad for January, is it? I’m guessing the over-hang of the roof protects the balcony from the worst of it,’ he said as she stepped alongside him. ‘There’s a bit of a nip in the air but we can keep each other warm.’
Sean put his arm around her shoulder and together they leaned on the balcony railing and peered out into the silent winter darkness that engulfed the estuary. As they looked ahead Gracie adjusted her eyes. The water was dark and the night clear, with a sprinkling of stars in the sky and a few random lights on the water from the fishing boats out in the deep water. It was so beautiful she wanted to cry.
‘Leonora used to be out here every spare moment you know, rain or shine, watching for passing boats and ships. I once saw her sweep several inches of snow off her chair so she could sit with her binoculars. She was such a secret romantic and she loved it out here; she just wanted to be on one of the big passenger liners heading off to the great unknown.’
Gracie opened her eyes wide as she felt the tears welling up; not just at the thought of Leonora Blakeley’s lost dreams, but at everything. Her heightened emotions on this special day were making her reminisce too much. She raised a hand to her eye and surreptitiously wiped a big fat tear away, hoping that Sean wouldn’t notice.
‘Well, it’s a grand place to be, that’s for sure,’ he said. ‘Right on the seafront like this. Ruby’s a lucky girl to own this hotel at such a young age; it must be worth a fortune. She was so fortunate to inherit it too, especially with her and Leonora not even being related.’
‘Oh, she knows she’s lucky but she’s worked really hard as well. That was why Leonora left it to her, she knew she’d take care of it; and I’m better off too because of her …’ Gracie opened her eyes wide again. ‘I mean, I’m living here and I’ve got a blinking good job as well! Rube’s been good to me, same as Leonora was in her own way. I’m so lucky!’
‘Ah maybe, but it’s a two-way street. Ruby would have been up the creek with no paddle without you beside her after that Leonora woman passed on. Don’t you go thinking you owe her any more than she owes you. If anything, you should be entitled to more than you have from her.’
‘I don’t think about it like that,’ Gracie said firmly, wanting to shut down the conversation. ‘I’m just so pleased I met Ruby and that we’re friends. More than friends in fact; we’re probably closer than sisters.’
She knew Sean was making a clumsy attempt to be supportive but she didn’t like hearing him use that almost jealous tone when he spoke about Ruby Blakeley, her friend. In the beginning she’d dismissed it as natural envy of Ruby’s lucky circumstance but sometimes his comments went just that bit too far for her to be comfortable.
‘How did that happen by the way?’ Sean asked, oblivious to the tightening of Gracie’s shoulders under his hand. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever known how the two of you met. Ruby was from London, wasn’t she? Apart from during the war?’
It was now or never; but Gracie hesitated. She would either have to tell him the whole sorry tale or stay silent forever. If she was going to marry Sean, she would have to tell him that she and Ruby had met as unmarried mothers on the maternity ward. Be honest, she told herself, tell the truth and shame the devil.
‘At the Kursaal. We met at the Kursaal just after the war when Ruby came to live down here. We were both young and daft, and we clicked. We became friends, almost immediately.’
The decision was made. Without even thinking about it consciously the words were out, the lie was told and Gracie knew there could be no going back. She sighed with relief that she had made her choice, even if it been an instant reaction rather than a well-thought out and measured decision. Now though, she knew she couldn’t ever tell Sean her shameful secret.
The flat where Gracie lived was on the top floor of the Thamesview Hotel, a long established ‘ladies only’ hotel on the outskirts of Southend, on the Essex coast. Leonora Wheaton had set it up before the war as a quiet and select establishment where widows and single women could go for a holiday at the seaside on their own without risk to their reputation. It was genteel and quaint and although there had been some recent upgrading, the essence of it had stayed. A few of the guests had been visiting for years. Sometimes they were accompanied by sisters, daughters, even maids, but no men were allowed to stay under any circumstances. They were allowed into the lobby or the small guest lounge by invitation but the foot of a male visitor could never be placed on the stairs that led up to the accommodation.
Leonora Wheaton had enforced that rule rigidly and Ruby was following suit because it was a formula that worked for the business.
The terraced property was just three storeys high, with a basement that was used for staff accommodation, a tiny annexe flat at the rear and a comfortable self-contained flat on the top floor, where Gracie and Ruby lived. The guest accommodation was basic but it was always clean and tidy and the service was as impeccable as it had always been when Leonora had been the owner.
The decoration