The Silent Cry: Part 2 of 3: There is little Kim can do as her mother's mental health spirals out of control. Cathy Glass
was now trying to create that need then it really fell to Andy to sort out the mess, difficult though it may be.
I was half expecting to see Laura in the playground that afternoon, as she’d seemed confident that she would be collecting Kim, but she didn’t arrive. Then, as the Klaxon sounded for the end of school, I realized that Geraldine wasn’t in the playground either. I moved closer to the door where the children would come out and watched carefully for Kim. Adrian’s class was out first and then Kim’s. When she emerged I went over to her.
‘Your gran asked me to collect you,’ I said.
‘Is Mum all right?’ Kim asked, immediately concerned.
‘Yes. I saw her and your brother this morning,’ I said with a cheery smile. It was all I could say, as clearly I didn’t know what had happened in the interim.
On the walk back home Kim baby-talked to Paula, which I guessed she did to her brother. It was sweet and Paula loved the attention. Then Kim told us about her class’s project on the Vikings. Their teacher had asked them all to take in as many cardboard boxes as they could the next day, as they were going to make a big model of a Viking boat, big enough for all the class to sit in and row.
‘That sounds great,’ I said. ‘How exciting.’ Children’s learning is so much fun now.
‘I’ll have to go to the shop if we haven’t got any boxes big enough,’ Kim said thoughtfully.
‘Do you still go shopping for your mum sometimes?’ I asked.
‘Not really. Gran’s there now.’
I would have liked to hear Kim’s views on what was going on at home, but it wasn’t appropriate for me to question her. We continued towards her house with Adrian joining in the talk about Viking boat building and Paula trying her best to say ‘Vi-King’, making it sound like a person.
I intended to walk Kim right up to her front door, but Geraldine must have been watching out for us, for as we stopped at her garden gate the front door opened and Geraldine appeared. Kim said goodbye to us and ran up the path. Geraldine gave a perfunctory wave of thanks and as soon as Kim was inside she closed the door, so I had no idea how Laura was.
We continued home and the evening passed as most school nights do, with the children playing while I made dinner, followed by Adrian’s homework, some television and then the children’s bath and bedtime routines. But Laura wasn’t far from my thoughts, and I wondered how their evening was progressing. That night, as Adrian and I hummed Brahms’s ‘Lullaby’, my thoughts turned to Shelley and Darrel. I hoped she’d let me know how her visit to her old foster carer, Carol, had gone, and whether she’d plucked up the courage to audition for the choir. But even if I never heard from her again I would still remember them both, as I was sure Adrian would.
I was in bed by ten-thirty and asleep before eleven, but then I was jolted wide awake by the telephone ringing. I grabbed the handset from my bedside cabinet with my heart thumping loudly and my mouth going dry, convinced a tragedy had befallen a loved one. It was the only reason I could think of for someone calling at this time, and with my husband, John, working abroad, the chances of it being bad news seemed dramatically increased.
‘Yes? Hello?’ I said, my voice shaking.
‘Cathy? Is that you?’
‘Laura?’
‘Yes, you sound different. Hope you don’t mind, but I thought I’d phone you for a chat.’
I looked at my bedside clock; it was 11.40. I heaved myself up the pillow and tried to calm my racing heart.
‘You don’t mind me calling, do you?’ Laura asked.
‘No. It’s just rather late. I was asleep.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the time. Shall I call you back another time?’
There didn’t seem much point now that I was awake. ‘It’s OK. Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m fine. It was nice of you to drop by today. I enjoyed your visit. I haven’t seen many people recently because I felt so down, but now I’m better I’ll catch up. I’ve just finished talking to Fran. We were on the phone for ages.’ She gave a small laugh.
‘That’s good,’ I said. I hoped Fran was a night owl.
‘I told her I’d be in the playground tomorrow.’
‘Great, although I thought I might see you there today.’
‘I intended to go, but then I nodded off on the sofa and Geraldine didn’t like to wake me or just slip out. You know how she fusses. Thanks for bringing Kim home.’
‘You’re welcome. Did she find some cardboard boxes for her class’s Viking project?’
Laura laughed. ‘Yes, lots. We had loads in the loft from when we moved. Andy went up there and got them down when he came home from work. I won’t go in the loft – there are spiders up there and I hate spiders.’
‘Yes, so do I.’
Our conversation continued – a perfectly normal chat between friends, if it hadn’t been so late. Laura did most of the talking, and I saw the clock ticking off the minutes to midnight. Then, at 12.15 a.m., I said, ‘I’m going to have to go now, Laura, and get some sleep. Why don’t you come to me tomorrow for a coffee after you’ve taken Kim to school?’
‘Yes, that would be lovely, thank you. I’ll let you sleep now. Sorry to have woken you. See you tomorrow.’
We said goodbye and I hung up. Yes, a perfectly normal conversation apart from the timing. No one with young children telephones a friend just for a chat in the middle of the night, but I assumed it was as Laura had said – that she’d lost track of time while talking to Fran. Thankfully the phone ringing hadn’t woken Adrian or Paula, but it took me a while to get back off to sleep.
As Laura was planning to take Kim to school the following morning I kept a lookout for her as we walked down our street. Parents with children who attended the local school left home more or less at the same time, so we often saw others walking the same route. That morning the children in Kim’s class were all carrying cardboard boxes, but there was no sign of Kim with her mother, either ahead of or behind us. They weren’t in the playground either, but Fran was and she came towards me with a cardboard box under each arm. Her daughter was carrying another two boxes. ‘Did Laura telephone you late last night?’ Fran asked me.
‘Yes.’
‘Oh dear. I am sorry. She told me she was planning on phoning you when we’d finished and I tried to persuade her not to. It was so late.’
‘Don’t worry. It was nice to hear from her, although it was late.’
‘It must have been. We were about to get into bed when she phoned me and we were talking for ages. My hubby wasn’t amused, although I explained I hadn’t heard from her in a long while. Laura said she’d been depressed but was all right now. I invited her for coffee this morning.’
‘So did I,’ I said, smiling, and again looking around for any sign of Laura. ‘I wonder where she is.’ There were others arriving with cardboard boxes of all sizes. Some of the children were carrying them on their backs like tortoise shells. It was comical.
‘She might have slept in,’ Fran said, also glancing around. ‘Laura told me she can’t sleep at night, and then sleeps in late or nods off during the day. Oh look, there’s her mother-in-law with Kim and the baby. So Laura hasn’t come. I’ll go over and see how she is.’
I turned as Fran went over and saw Geraldine with Kim pushing the pram. She was carrying a couple of cardboard boxes and had another one balanced on the pram. Geraldine was straight-faced as usual and, avoiding eye contact, kept her gaze ahead. I saw Fran say something to Geraldine and she responded with a curt nod and what looked like a very short reply. Fran then went over to speak to another mother, so I guessed she hadn’t learned