The Woman at 72 Derry Lane: A gripping, emotional page turner that will make you laugh and cry. Carmel Harrington
you do.’
‘I’m Stella. Stella Greene.’
‘And I’m Rea Brady.’ Rea offered her hand out and when Stella took it, the warmth of it made her own hand shake. Rea looked down at her and gently touched the dark bruise that peeked its way from the inside of her wrist. Neither of them moved and Stella held her breath. The air around them stilled and then the bang of a door behind them made them both jump, breaking the silence.
Rea looked up at her, and nodded, just once. ‘Looks like more to-do across the way. I can’t keep up with Linda and her goings on.’
‘She’s just looking for love. I keep hoping that the next guy she hooks up with might be the one.’
‘Not so sure that she’s hit the jackpot with that gobshite.’ Rea craned her neck towards a man running down the path with his jacket in his hand. ‘Anyhow, what can I do for you?’
Stella pulled her eyes away from the running man and said, ‘Oh, sorry, of course, I have a parcel for you.’ She held up the package. ‘The postman dropped it in to me earlier.’ When Rea didn’t move towards her to take the parcel, Stella flushed. The woman hadn’t moved from inside the front door frame. It must be true, all the gossip. She never left the house. Stella moved forward, closer to her.
‘Much obliged.’ Rea took it and smiled when she saw what it was. ‘I’ve been waiting for these. It’s the new Claudia Carroll. I love her in Fair City, she’s a right one. But her books are pure heaven!’
‘I’ll look her up,’ Stella said, smiling.
Stella didn’t know if she should just leave, but Rea wasn’t moving from the doorstep either. Then before the silence became awkward, a further commotion began.
‘Go on run, you dirty little fecker,’ Linda’s voice boomed down the street.
‘You’re a fucking nut-job!’ replied the man.
‘Not crazy enough to piss on you, you pervert!’ Linda retorted.
‘What on earth!’ Rea said. ‘Did she just say piss on him?’
‘She did!’ Stella answered, a shocked giggle escaping.
‘It’s called a golden shower!’ he said defiantly. ‘And lots of people do it.’
‘A shower, you say? I’ll give you a shower alright, I’ll put the garden hose on you!’ Linda picked it up and held it towards him.
‘I’d feck off if I were you,’ Rea shouted across to the man. ‘She means business.’
‘Alright ladies,’ Linda shouted over to them, waving as if she hadn’t a care in the world.
Stella didn’t wave back and noted that neither did Rea. Linda was a force of nature and she wasn’t sure she could cope with her right now. She often went days without really talking to anyone and she’d forgotten how to do it. She noticed Rea take a step backwards into her house. She started to close the door. But then she changed her mind. Maybe it was nosiness to see what happened next with Linda, or maybe she wanted to chat some more with her. But she was uncomfortable too.
Linda continued to threaten her hose, until her male guest jumped in his car and screeched down Derry Lane, leaving a trail of dust behind him. She lowered the hose with a laugh and walked over to them, shaking her head in dismay. ‘A golden shower he wanted. Bloody pervert. Men! We’ve all been there, ladies, am I right?’
‘No!’ Rea and Stella said at the same time, looking at each other in horror.
‘Does that lovely looking fella of yours not want you to do anything kinky?’ Linda asked Stella, nudging her playfully.
Stella felt awkward as Linda moved in closer to her. She’d forgotten the art of good banter; there was a time when she was a master at it and would have had several good retorts for her.
‘Where did you meet him?’ Rea asked, nodding towards the direction the man had taken off in, saving Stella from answering. She smiled gratefully at the woman.
‘At the bingo.’
For some reason, that made them all laugh.
‘He had a full house and I said to him, sure, you’d better buy me a drink so, out of your winnings. Was delighted when he said yes. And he was throwing drink into me too, but sure now I know why!’
They looked at her in puzzlement.
Linda pretended to crouch and pee, ‘He wanted me to have a full bladder!’
When they stopped laughing again, she continued, ‘He seemed so normal. After last week’s disaster, I wanted normal.’
‘I’m nearly afraid to ask. What happened last week?’ Stella pried.
‘Oh ladies, I’m worn out from all this dating malarkey. I’ve tried it all. Online dating, Tinder, even been down to Nolan’s Supermarket for their singles night. Load of shite that was. Place was crawling with women on the pull. Not a single man in sight. All I want is to meet a nice man. Someone to settle down with. A role model for my Louis. Not too much to ask for, is it?’
Rea and Stella both made suitable sounds of agreement.
‘Anyhow, last week, I swear to God, I met this guy, lovely looking fella. A ride, if ever you saw one. He was wearing a suit and all. Thought that was a good sign. Well, home we went, after having a fish-and-chip supper in Beshoffs. I had high hopes for him, I don’t mind telling you.’
‘What happened?’ Rea asked.
‘Well, we were having a bit of fun on the couch. He says, “Strip”. Well, he didn’t need to ask me twice. “Have you red stilettos?” he asked. I have, says I.’ She leaned in confidentially and they leaned into her too. ‘I got them in Penny’s, were only a fiver, but they cut the feet off me. I stuck them on, thinking it was all a bit kinky.’
Stella stole a glance at Rea. Amusement was all over her face. She was enjoying this as much as Stella.
‘I was delighted to be getting some wear out of the shoes, to be honest. Never a more perfect shoe for a good old ride than them beauties,’ Linda said.
Stella and Rea were both laughing out loud now, but that only seemed to encourage Linda. She was on a roll.
‘There he was, lying starkers on the floor, when I wobbled back in. “Oh yeah, baby,” he says. “Up you go!” He pointed to his chest.’
‘Go away,’ Rea said.
‘Yep. “Walk over my chest in those babies,” he says. “Go on, do it.”’
‘That’s a new one on me,’ Stella said.
‘Well, me too,’ Linda said. ‘But I’m a great woman for saying try anything once. So up I get, and I do my living best to walk across his chest. But lord above, have you ever tried it?’
‘No!’ Rea and Stella said again, both helpless with laughter.
‘Well, ladies, take my word for it, don’t! Arse over tits I fell, hit the floor with such a bang, I’ve still the bruise to show for it.’
‘Ouch,’ Stella said.
Linda leaned in close to them both. ‘I hated showing him the door. But as I told him when he left, next time, pick a date that has better balancing skills than me. I’ve always been a bit of a martyr to my vertigo.’
‘Oh Linda, that’s the best story I’ve ever heard. Thank you. You’ve no idea how much I needed a laugh today,’ Stella said.
‘Ah sure, life without laughter is not worth living at all. Anyhow ladies, better love you and leave you for now. Louis will be home and wanting his tea. Have a goo on me for pizza tonight.’
‘Harry’s is good. I use them a lot,’ Rea said.