Diary Of A Blues Goddess. Erica Orloff
the bridge of her nose, and though her skin is very pale, she never wears makeup—which drives Dominique insane. “My clients call it asymmetrical and pay a hundred and fifty bucks to have it cut this way.”
“Fine, but while you’ve got sharp scissors in your hands, remember that I’m still in favor of both sides being even.”
“You can carry the asymmetrical look.”
“I don’t want to carry it.”
“Why are we even talking about hair? Tell me about this guy you two are screeching about.”
“All right. He was my one unrequited love. The one guy that if I could go back and do it all over again, go back to high school knowing what I know now, I would have fucked him. More precisely, I would have lost my virginity to him instead of the asshole I finally did lose it to my freshman year of college.” I liked to pretend my entire two-month relationship with Dan What’s-his-name, Virginity Bandit, never occurred.
“So what happened between you?”
“Nothing much. A lot of flirting. I don’t know. We just never acted on it. Maybe it was timing. That and he was one of the ‘beautiful people.’”
“I know you’ll find this impossible to believe,” Dominique interjected. “But Georgia, despite being one smokin’-hot, overwhelmingly sexy thing now, and me, being the delectable creature standing before you…we were outcasts in high school. For God’s sake, I was a boy in high school.” She shuddered.
“You—” Maggie raised an eyebrow and playfully stared up and down at Dominique “—I could see. But Georgia?”
I nodded. “And he was…I can’t really explain how I couldn’t even speak every time I was within five feet of him. Total lust.”
I knew Maggie would understand. Maggie had wanted Jack from the first moment she laid eyes on him five years ago. He was her one unrequited lust. Jack, on the other hand, gravitated toward magnolia queens, not a Goth, pale-skinned, raspberry-haired woman with a pierced belly button and tribal tattoos encircling her arms.
“We just called him Casanova Jones because he was such a damn slut,” Dominique added. “His real name was…what the hell is his real name, Georgia?”
“Rick.”
The night before, Rick had approached me between sets, raising the eyebrows of my bandmates. Certainly, I was their lead singer, but to them, I was the woman with panty lines and lingerie-obsessed cats. I was the woman who spilled cocktail sauce down the front of her one white gown—which no dry cleaner could salvage. In short, to them, I was Georgie, the woman least likely to attract a guy who owned—didn’t rent—a custom-fitted black Armani tuxedo.
“I thought it was you.” Rick had smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek, and allowing his lips to stay there for that fraction of a second too long. He took my hand and held it, his index finger stroking the inside of my wrist ever so slightly. “You’re still as beautiful as ever, Georgia.”
“Thanks. You look the same. Shorter hair… A little more corporate, but other than that…” His eyes still crinkled in the corners when he smiled, and his teeth were toothpaste-commercial perfect. His hair was still thick and a deep black; he had a strong jawline and very broad, former football-player shoulders.
“You know…you were the one girl I’ve wondered about…. Have you stayed in New Orleans this whole time?”
“Can’t get beignets anywhere else.”
“I never left either. Even went to law school here. New Orleans is my town. Must be destiny that we ran into each other finally.”
Yeah. Destiny. Or another cosmic mind-fuck.
“And then what?” Maggie asked.
Dominique held up her hand. “Wait…was the kiss on the lips or the cheek? There are more important things to discuss first.”
“Cheek,” I said firmly. “Ladies, he was there with a date. A gorgeous date, I might add. She looked like a Swedish supermodel. And she was perched on these four-inch stilettos and walked around in them like she was in sneakers. Effortlessly.”
“Don’t you hate women like that?” Maggie asked as she stuck my head under the faucet and started washing my hair.
“Hold on, girls.” Dominique sashayed over to the counter and hopped up on it, sitting there, legs crossed and fluffing her hair. “I walk effortlessly in stilettos—you can’t judge a woman for that.”
“Yes, we can,” Maggie said.
I have never seen Maggie in a pair of heels. She always wears black boots, even in the dead of summer. If she dresses up, it is only to wear her black boots with a black skirt, topped with a black jacket. She saves all her color for her hair.
Maggie lathered me up with her secret shampoo. I talked loudly over the water, my voice kind of echoing in the sink. “So his date was hovering in the background, a few feet away, trying to look disinterested but giving me the evil eye. And he asked if he could take me to dinner on Friday. For old time’s sake. To catch up.”
“Once a male whore, always a male whore,” Dominique called out over the sound of the faucet.
“I don’t know. I didn’t get the feeling she was his girlfriend. But I barely know him. I don’t even know if we could figure out enough things to talk about over dinner.”
“Oh please,” Dominique clucked. “I thought he would bend you right over a desk and take you from behind the way you two talked in homeroom. I remember wishing someone would talk to me that way.” She sighed. “If things go right, you won’t be doing very much talking at all.”
Maggie finished rinsing and piled my hair into a towel, which she did up into a turban.
“Shut up, Dominique! I don’t usually have sex on the first date.”
“You don’t usually date, period,” she countered. “You’re always busy with the band. You should take up sleeping with one of them—not Gary. One of the other ones. Not Jack—Maggie has dibs. That leaves Mike or Tony. And Tony has a British accent, so I vote for him.”
“Irish.”
“Irish what?”
“It’s an Irish accent.”
“Fine. I mean, if you’re going to spend every weekend with those guys, you might as well.”
Maggie sat me down in a chair and started trying to pull a comb through my hair, which is akin to pulling a comb through Brillo. My hair falls to the middle of my back, though with the curl in it, when it’s dry, it’s usually just past my shoulders.
“Ouch! What are you doing?” My eyes teared up from the tugging.
“Sorry,” she muttered. “Listen, you have to go out with him. Come on. I’d go out with Jack in a heartbeat.”
“And I’d go out with George Clooney if he asked,” Dominique said. “Well, if he begged.”
Dominique takes her Clooney obsession very seriously. And she firmly believes if he just for a moment put aside his rampant heterosexuality, he would, indeed, go for a six-foot-two-inch drag queen with platinum hair and a collection of vintage transvestite go-go boots.
“Look, dating is hard enough without being with a guy so good-looking that all the women in the room want to sleep with him.”
“Is that what this is all about? Personally, I want to date a man everyone wants to fuck because I’m so deliciously fuckable myself,” Dominique said, pushing her fake tits together and admiring them. “You know, Georgia Ray Miller, you have had some ridiculous theories before. And this from the woman who takes advice from a ghost.”
“Fine. Don’t come screaming into my room in the middle of the night when you hear her footsteps