A Cry In The Night. Linda Castillo
“Don’t lecture me about guts!” The anger came with such force that her voice shook with it. “You turned down that corporate security position for the job with Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue. This could have turned out differently.”
“Don’t blame what happened between us on fate, Kel. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out no matter what I did for a living.”
She stared at him, speechless, not sure how to disagree without opening doors she knew were better left closed and locked.
“You made a conscious decision and stuck by it,” he said.
“I stuck by it because I don’t want my son to have his heart ripped out by a man who doesn’t have the good sense to know when to retire. A man who would eventually draw the short straw. And I know Eddie will never have to see his father die before he’s old enough to understand how exactly final death is.”
“I guess you think it’s better that he doesn’t have a father at all?”
She thought back to when she’d lost her own father and brother. She’d only been a teenager, but she’d never forgotten the agony of that day or the dark months that had followed. Her mother had never been the same, and had quietly faded away until she was nothing more than a shell of the vibrant woman she’d once been. While her sister, Kim, had gone away to college, Kelly had cared for their mother, and she’d sworn she would never let her own children suffer the same fate.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “I do.”
Buzz remained silent, but his eyes never left hers.
Shaken by the exchange, by the truths on both sides and the echoes of pain clanging through her heart, Kelly tugged the flashlight out of her fanny pack and moved ahead of him, shining it over the tall grass. “I’m not going to discuss this with you now.”
Not waiting for a reply, she found the subtle trail in the grass and followed it. A moment later, she heard Buzz behind her. She knew eventually they would have to talk about how they were going to handle this. About whether Buzz wanted to be part of his son’s life. About whether Kelly could accept Eddie bonding with a man who spent his days jumping out of helicopters and rappelling down sheer cliffs and putting his life on the line day in and day out. Just as her father and brother had all those years ago.
Kelly knew that before this was all said and done she would have to decide if she could live with the very real possibility that she might one day have to watch her son have his heart ripped out by a man who thought he was immortal.
Chapter 4
Buzz was too angry to talk, so he lagged behind a few feet. He’d promised to give her an hour before stopping for the night, but an hour came and went and he didn’t mention it. He knew she was exhausted and running on little more than nerves and that steel determination he saw in her eyes every time he looked at her. But the truth of the matter was he didn’t want to have to sit down and look into her eyes and see all that pain or, God forbid, talk about how they were going to handle their having a son.
He knew that’s what would happen if they made camp. He simply wasn’t up to talking. He was too angry. Too off-kilter. Too damn…everything to do anything but make the situation infinitely worse. He figured they may as well keep walking until they were both too tired to talk.
The three-quarter moon was sinking low in the west when he finally spoke. “Kel, let’s pack it in for the night.”
He’d expected her to argue, felt a sharp retort sizzle on the tip of his tongue in preparation. But surprising him, she stopped and just stood there, staring into the darkness as if listening for a cry in the night that never came.
Her face glowed pale in the dim moonlight, her eyes dark and troubled. When he stepped closer, he saw the exhaustion and defeat and the tired remnants of fear in her eyes and a pang of compassion gripped him despite his efforts to remain distant.
“We’ll sleep for a few hours and start again first light,” he said.
“It’s so cold,” she said tonelessly. “I wish it wasn’t so damn cold.”
For a moment, Buzz thought she was referring to herself, then realized her own physical comforts were the last thing on her mind. She was worried about Eddie. The night was uncomfortably cold, but it wasn’t harsh enough to cause hypothermia to a child with a jacket. As long as he wasn’t wet.
Because Buzz didn’t know what else to do to comfort her, he dropped his pack and stooped to dig out one of two compact thermal sleeping bags he’d packed. Rising, he handed one to her. “Unzip this and put it around your shoulders.”
She obeyed without objection. Then, huddled within the blanket, she just stood there, staring into the darkness, listening, waiting.
Buzz had been through some intense moments with Kelly. But in all the years he’d known her, he’d never seen her like this. Bleak and filled with despair and utter hopelessness.
At a loss as to what to do next, he looked around and spotted a semi-protected area where they would be out of the wind. Picking up his backpack, he walked over to it and began unpacking. He removed the stove first and lit the wick. The flame cast yellow light on the surrounding trees and nearby outcropping of rock. A few feet away, Kelly sank down on a fallen log and put her face in her hands. She didn’t make a sound, but Buzz saw her shoulders shaking, and he knew she was crying. Jesus, he hated seeing that. He’d seen plenty of women cry over the years. He’d long since grown used to female tears. But to see this strong, stubborn woman reduced to tears tore at him like a sharp-fanged little animal.
“We’ve got to believe he’s going to be all right, Kel. Don’t let your mind get away from you,” he said after a moment.
When she raised her head and looked at him, tears shimmered like wet diamonds on her cheeks. “I ache inside. I’ve never hurt like this before. If something happens to him, I’ll never—”
“Don’t go there, damn it,” he interjected harshly. “Don’t say it. Don’t even think it.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a basket case.”
“Don’t apologize. This isn’t easy. For either of us.”
Rather than upset her, his harsh tone seemed to bolster her control. Rising, she approached him and knelt in front of the stove to warm her hands. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Buzz passed her his backpack. “I brought some protein bars. Get out a couple, so we can eat. Put down the tarp.” He could have very well done those things himself, but he knew Kelly well enough to know that she functioned better if she was busy, no matter how minute the chore.
While she did that, Buzz pulled the first-aid kit from his pack and set it atop a relatively flat rock. “Come here,” he said.
“That’s not—”
“I’m the EMT,” he said. “Let me worry about the first aid, all right?”
She handed him one of the protein bars. “I’m too tired to argue with you.”
“Well, that’s a first.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Keep that blanket around your shoulders and sit down.”
Relief slipped through him when she sat down without an argument. Buzz removed an antiseptic cleansing pad, some antibiotic cream and a large square bandage. “Any headache or blurred vision?” he asked.
“No.”
“Nausea?”
She shook her head.
He cut her a hard look. “The truth, Kelly.”
She sighed. “A little bit of a headache, but it’s only because I’ve been crying.”
He