His Texas Bride. Deb Kastner
it was new to Ellie.
“I’m sorry about Tyler,” he began, then paused when Ellie’s wide-eyed gaze flashed to him, her eyebrow raised as if to ask him a question.
“He’s been through a lot.” Her voice was soft and gentle when she talked about Tyler.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t handle things better,” Buck continued gruffly.
“You’ve been through a lot, too.”
Buck sighed loudly. “Will you please stop making excuses for me? I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”
She looked him straight in the eye. “Apology accepted,” she said simply.
Buck didn’t remember Ellie being so erratic with her emotions. One second she was ripping him to shreds about his behavior; the next second she was blowing it off as nothing. Even as a teenager, she’d been extraordinarily levelheaded, a characteristic Buck especially admired in her.
At least until it had come to the building of the new highway, the Texas government’s bright idea to make a shortcut, a straight link between Dallas and Houston, which had caused what had once been a small, quiet ranching town to brim over with tourists. With that stupid highway forced on them, Ellie’s pragmatism had gotten the best of her, not that, in Buck’s estimation, the government program had done considerably much to improve Ellie’s lot in life.
Therapy Ranch, indeed.
“Look,” he began tentatively. “It’s good I caught you alone for a few minutes. I believe I owe you an…” Here he hesitated. The first word that sprang to his lips had been apology, the word Ellie had just used when he’d said he was sorry, but that wasn’t what he wanted to say. “An explanation.”
Ellie looked at him calmly, her arms relaxed down at her sides. “For?” she inquired lightly.
Ellie already knew what this was about. It was obvious to her that Buck was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and she suspected coming back to Ferrell hadn’t helped matters any. As the old saying went, it was like putting salt in a wound, though admittedly Ellie wasn’t certain exactly which wounds had carried Buck from Ferrell so quickly all those years ago.
Nor did she care. She was way past that, she told herself again. But she did want to offer her old friend comfort, especially in his time of need.
“Go on,” she encouraged, rustling up a smile for him.
“I know you must have been pretty angry with me when I left the way I did.” Buck jammed his fingers into his sandy brown hair, making it stand on end.
“Buck, that was twenty years ago,” she reminded him gently, her tone carefully neutral. Why did he want to dig up the past when there was so much to deal with right now, in the present?
“Still,” he drawled slowly. “You must want to know what happened back then.”
Ellie shrugged. “If you want to tell me, I’ll listen. But, Buck, the truth is, what happened all those years ago doesn’t really matter to me anymore.”
Buck stepped back, looking stunned, as if she’d slapped his face, not simply spoken a few quiet words.
“What?” she asked, thoroughly confused by his unusual behavior. Wasn’t Buck relieved to find she hadn’t been carrying a grudge all these years?
“It didn’t matter to you that I left?” He arched a questioning eyebrow at her.
Ellie frowned. “Of course it mattered. A lot of people in this town thought—I thought—you and I had a future together. I realize now, of course, looking back on it, that it was just a teenage romance.”
“Was that all it was for you?” Buck cringed. Ellie thought he looked like he wanted to yell. Or punch his fist right through the wall of the stable.
He shook his head but didn’t speak right away.
“I couldn’t stay in Ferrell,” he said at last.
“Because?”
“Because of the development, the highway. I knew this town was a goner. It was sure to turn into a tourist trap. And it has,” he said, sounding pleased with his own conclusions. “I noticed it the moment I returned. The town has changed, if not the people. Even my own mother sold out. She would never have turned our ranch into a craft store if it wasn’t for the new tourist trade.”
“So what, Buck? The neighbors are thriving, and business is good. I think the highway was the best thing that ever happened to this little town.”
“Exactly,” Buck replied quickly in a rush of breath, forcefully planting his hat back on his head.
“Let me see if I have this straight,” Ellie said, moving to the door of the nearest stall and sliding down into the fresh straw, wrapping her arms around her knees. She wasn’t sure her shaky legs could hold her much longer.
Buck didn’t follow suit but rather stood over her, almost as if he meant to intimidate her.
Well, if he did, it wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t going to back down to a sullen Buck Redmond just because he’d finally decided to come home.
“You left because you didn’t want the town to grow and change with the development,” she stated, keeping her voice in a low, careful monotone.
Buck tipped his hat in response.
“Look around you, Buck. You have to see how good it’s been for everyone.”
He shrugged. “If that’s what they want, then I’m happy for them.”
“But it isn’t what you wanted,” Ellie mused aloud. “Which is why you left.”
Buck nodded. “That pretty much sums it up,” he agreed fervently. “At least that was part of the reason. I was really angry when my mom sold off all the stock on our ranch. I think that was what made me snap.”
Ellie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She’d imagined a million reasons why Buck had left the way he had, and 9,999 of those reasons involved her, specifically. Despite the fact that she believed she’d put those feelings in the past, where they belonged, she could not help the joyful rush of relief she felt in finding out that Buck’s leaving had had nothing to do with her.
But it did leave one question.
“Why didn’t you just tell me how you felt? Back then, I mean,” she asked softly, her gaze dropping to her knees. Her feelings were a little hurt now, and she didn’t want that.
“Because I already knew how you felt,” Buck stated plainly, crouching down on his haunches before her and sweeping his hat off his head, brushing his fingers through his thick, unruly mop of sandy brown hair.
“But I didn’t know how you felt,” Ellie replied, feeling dangerously close to tears.
Why was he bringing this up again? She was happy with her life now. In Ferrell, where she belonged. But there was no denying the attraction she still felt for Buck Redmond, despite everything he’d done.
“And I couldn’t tell you,” he answered. “Ellie, you have to admit that you were as gung ho as anyone about the highway coming through.”
“What, and you didn’t think I’d see your side of things?” she demanded.
“No.”
His brief answer sent another stab of pain through Ellie’s insides. Despite what she’d said to Buck earlier about them having a simple teenage romance, Ellie had always believed it had been more than that. Something real, if not lasting. And now Buck was saying he hadn’t trusted her at all.
Not with what mattered most to him.
Not with his heart.
“You know,” she said after a long, painful pause, “I still wish you would have talked to me. You