Book Club Reads: 3-Book Collection: Yesterday’s Sun, The Sea Sisters, Someone to Watch Over Me. Amanda Brooke
fear or determination, her sense of touch seemed to be recovering slightly and the handle felt firm in her grasp, unlike her sanity. Holly could barely gasp in shock because the wind had been knocked out of her body and she felt utterly weak. She wanted to run but couldn’t draw her eyes away from the horror that was being played out in front of her like a car crash in slow motion.
‘No more of this,’ Jack was insisting. ‘We said we would go home today. We agreed it was for the best.’
‘But it’s been less than a month. Tom’s world’s been turned upside down,’ argued Diane.
‘Dad’s right,’ Tom said, straightening his back in firm resolve. ‘If we don’t do this now, then it’s just going to get harder and harder.’
‘And if you keep on blubbing, you’re not going to be able to see your way down the path to the car,’ warned Jack.
‘At least let me help you with your case,’ insisted Tom, taking a step over the threshold.
‘What about Libby?’ Diane sobbed.
‘She’s safe enough in the living room and I’ll put the snip on the door.’
No sooner had the figures retreated from view than a sound came from the living room. It was a sound so alien to the house that Holly released the door handle as if, like the moondial, it too had been charged with electricity.
She wanted to turn and run but something about the sound of the baby crying caught her around the chest. Never before had Holly felt a reaction like it to a baby’s cries. Instead of moving away, she stepped into the hallway and entered the living room.
The baby was in a bassinet in the corner of the room. Her eyes were open wide and alert. They were bright green, a mirror image of Tom’s. When the baby saw Holly, she didn’t just stop crying, her whole body relaxed and she stilled herself. She was the most beautiful thing Holly had ever seen. She had wisps of blonde hair and a handful of tiny curls licked her forehead. Her cheeks were perfectly round and her pink lips the cutest Cupid’s bow. Holly couldn’t resist and she gently stroked the side of her angelic face. The baby responded by moving towards her hand, her little mouth searching for nourishment.
‘So what’s a tiny wonder like you doing in a nightmare like this?’ whispered Holly.
The baby wriggled and gurgled and Holly instinctively reached out to her. She paused only briefly as the urge to hold the baby consumed her. She had never in her life had any desire to hold a baby and she couldn’t recall a time when she actually had held one. She slipped her hands beneath the baby’s body, her fingers sweeping over the soft, warm folds of the blanket she was wrapped in and Holly went to pick her up. Her fumbling fingers met no resistance and Holly could feel no weight against her hands as she tried to lift the baby out of the bassinet. Holly frowned in frustration as the need to hold the baby overwhelmed her. But no matter how hard she tried, the baby remained firmly in the bassinet and sensing Holly’s frustration she began to cry, much louder than before.
‘I’m coming,’ called Tom’s disembodied voice and Holly heard him rush down the hallway and into the kitchen.
Holly stepped away from the bassinet and looked around the room with rising panic. The stack of sympathy cards lined up across the mantelpiece didn’t escape her notice but she was more intent on finding a hiding place. She scurried over to the large patio windows which led into the conservatory and slipped into the shadows just as Tom appeared with a baby’s feeding bottle in his hand.
He picked the baby up and sat down on the nearest of the two sofas to feed her. He was practically facing Holly and although she knew she wasn’t completely hidden, there was still no sign that Tom sensed that she was there.
‘Alone at last,’ Tom sighed as the baby guzzled her milk urgently.
The room fell silent other than the sound of the baby’s gulps and Holly’s ragged breathing. She thought her breathing must be so loud that Tom would surely hear her, but still he didn’t acknowledge her. She could feel herself withdrawing into the relative comfort of a shock-induced numbness. Her brain had all but stopped trying to make sense of what was happening to her. She chose instead to concentrate on the regular gulps of satisfaction she could hear coming from Libby and it soothed her.
‘I know you’re there, Holly,’ Tom said.
Goosebumps coursed up Holly’s arms and down her spine. As if in a trance, Holly stepped out of the shadows and into the living room.
‘I’m here Tom,’ she said.
Tom was looking towards the patio window, just to the left of Holly, but he had that distant look in his eyes again. Wherever he was looking, it was some place far from the confines of the room. ‘I hope you can see me, sweetheart. I hope you can hear me, because I don’t think I could go on if I thought you’d completely left me.’ Tom’s voice was a crackled whisper and he closed his eyes tightly, suppressing the tears that had sprung to his eyes.
Holly rushed forward and knelt in front of him, grabbing his arms and willing him to open his eyes and see her. ‘I’m here, Tom! Please, please look at me!’ she sobbed.
Tom opened his eyes and Holly shuddered as once again his gaze passed right through her, cutting her like a knife. Holly recoiled from Tom for the very first time in their lives together.
‘It hurts, Holly, it hurts so much. Every time I wake up, I remember I’m never going to see you again and my stomach lurches. I can’t believe it. I won’t believe it. You were fine. You were fit and you were healthy; pregnant, yes, but healthy. You were there one minute and then you just weren’t. Every bone in my body aches for you and it hurts so much.’
Tom paused, shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts. ‘Mum keeps saying I should let go, let myself cry, but I can’t. I’m so scared, Holly, because I swear if I did cry, I don’t think I’d be able to stop.’ Tom kept gulping for air, drowning himself in unshed tears.
Libby started to wriggle in his arms so Tom pulled the half-finished bottle from her mouth. His face softened slightly as he looked at his daughter and he smiled at her before lifting her onto his shoulder and patting her back. The painted smile disappeared and a look of pain returned to his eyes. ‘I’m not ready for you to leave me, Hol. I’m not ready to accept that you’re never going to walk back into the room. All your things are exactly as you left them, everything is there, ready for you to come home. Come home, Holly, please just come home.’
A sob escaped and Tom bit his lip to hold himself together. ‘I don’t want to feel like this any more, it hurts too much. If it wasn’t for Libby, I don’t think I could go on without you,’ he said. Libby gave a huge burp in reply, and Tom forced a smile. He cradled her again in his arms and started feeding her once more.
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Libby,’ he whispered, and the love for his daughter warmed Holly’s heart and thawed the numbness that had engulfed her. ‘I love you so much and your mummy loves you and she’s watching over you.’
Holly couldn’t resist stroking the top of Libby’s head and as she leaned forward she could feel Tom’s warm breath on her face. Her whole body tingled and she knew that this was more real than any dream she had ever had.
‘Promise me you’ll never leave me,’ Tom whispered.
‘I promise,’ Holly answered, willing Tom to hear her, but he made no response.
Holly rested her head on Tom’s lap in submission and closed her eyes. ‘This isn’t real, Tom, this isn’t happening. It’s going to be all right.’
Silence filled the room and time ticked by. Holly stayed where she was until the baby finished her bottle and then she reluctantly withdrew as Tom made a move to stand up. She stood up too, facing him as he perched Libby on his shoulder and then picked up the bassinet.
‘Bedtime for us, I think,’ Tom said with false bravado.
As he turned and headed for the door, Holly put her hand on his shoulder,