Fast Asleep, Wide Awake: Discover the secrets of restorative sleep and vibrant energy. Dr Ramlakhan Nerina
I am deeply grateful to all who provided the magic that made writing this book possible:
The clients and patients who have brought me so much insight and inspiration, and that little clinic in Moorgate where I first discovered the ‘click’ of doing the work I knew I was born to do.
All the people who have guided, supported and enabled me to bring the words through.
Sandy Draper, my editing doula – thank you for getting ‘it’ and me – and Carolyn Thorne at HarperCollins for her patience and belief in my message.
The special friends who understood my journey and have always supported just at the right time – Gosia Gorna, Nikola King, Luisa and Peter Diana-Kuramapu, Melanie Langer, Kerry-Lyn Stanton-Downes and Carolyn Kolasinski.
Lisa Lewisohn for her patience in putting up with the writing-induced mood swings.
And last but never least my daughter, Maya, for her great patience when I kept disappearing off to the shed to write.
‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’
Plato
Last night I did something that I haven’t been able to do for decades. I slept without my fan on.
It was 5 November, Bonfire Night, and the air crackled with light and colour. I could smell bonfires and hear distant sirens. Lying in bed I wondered if I’d be able to sleep and then I remembered that I hadn’t turned on my fan. I have slept with a fan for many years – it acts as a buffer against the intrusion of noises out there and my own thoughts in here – but last night I decided I no longer needed it.
I slept deeply until morning, without any props.
I am called a sleep and energy expert. I’ve gained this reputation because I have a knack for solving people’s sleep problems and I love doing this. But even more than this, I love helping people to live their lives with energy and meaning. I make no secret of the fact that my work stems from overcoming my own challenges with insomnia, but over the years I have learnt to sleep deeply and restoratively. And why? Because I have learnt how to deal with life head on.
Six years ago my first book, Tired But Wired, was published. As a result my career took off … But I knew there was more to say. I began to see very clearly that while I was helping people to sleep, and the Tired but Wired Sleep Toolkit did this brilliantly, in doing so I was providing a bridge that took people to a place where they were able to deal with life with courage and resilience. And so I put pen to paper and began to write this book, which would help people to face life with all of its messiness and challenges – and thus Fast Asleep, Wide Awake was born.
Since starting to write this book over two years ago, a great deal has changed for me. You could say my life has been turned inside out. In 2013 my father died and then, just over two months ago, my 11-year marriage ended. For a time, it was enough to send me back to my old insomnia roots. Lying awake at night, unable to settle and turn off my mind. I put aside writing and gave my energies over to recalibrating my life. Two days ago I knew I was ready to resume work on this book. As I did so, the safety – which you’ll discover is so fundamental to deep sleep – I had been reaching for, finally edged into view. Last night I arrived at a destination where I no longer needed the fan.
I know I’m not alone in facing cataclysmic changes in both my inner and outer worlds. Of late, life has been messy for many of us – I hear it on the news, witness it in my friends’ lives and at my clinic, and see it in the corporate world where I speak to packed auditoriums where there’s standing room only.
We need resilience and courage to do what I call the ‘Real Work’ of life. We need to sleep well so that we can heal and wake up with the energy and resources we need to face life with all of its disorder and challenges. By this I mean a certain type of sleep and a certain type of energy: sleep that is deep, pure and restorative, and vibrant energy that enables us to thrive – not just survive. I have learnt that to get this safe place we need to go deeper within ourselves, to find a peaceful stillness within, from where we can come back out with what we need to face life wholeheartedly.
I have written this book because I know that the only way we can truly thrive in today’s world is to reconnect with ourselves, both in our waking hours and while we sleep. Sleep is an act of faith, a deep trust that we can let go of whatever is going on in our lives and sleep deeply with utmost restoration. Sleeping well is about living well and I am going to show you how to do this in Fast Asleep, Wide Awake.
Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘We must become the change we want to see.’ In writing this book, I’ve had to become the change, do the work on myself, go deeper and find my safety so that I can sleep. Although I wonder if this need to go deeper is an evolutionary drive for all of humankind; to force us to come back to ourselves in order to become more aware – to ascend to that next stage of consciousness – and has arisen due to living in this speedy, technological world that constantly urges us ‘out there’. I have spent 20-plus years showing people how to become more conscious and self-aware – to wake up and examine their lives and the choices they are making so that they can live deeply and sleep deeply – and even longer learning how to do this myself.
And so, last night I slept without my fan and the explosions and my thoughts were the perfect bedtime story as I drifted effortlessly off to sleep. I slept like a baby (one who sleeps well, that is). I felt safe.
I offer you Fast Asleep, Wide Awake with love and deepest gratitude. Writing this book has taken a great deal of hard graft and soul searching – and has called for extraordinary energy and resolve at times – but I always knew that it would be written and felt guided by an unseen but loving and insistent force that kept urging me forwards and encouraged me to ‘keep going … keep going’. It is my great privilege to share with you what I have learnt and I do so with an open heart. My prayer is that you read my words with an open and curious mind.
November 2015
Introduction
‘The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.’
Aristotle
Allow me to share some beliefs that have been very influential in my work and what I am going to share with you in this book. I have arrived at these beliefs as a result of living what I teach for the last 20 years, studying and working with thousands of people. I invite you to take your time and reflect on each belief as each one has the potential to change your relationship with your sleep and energy.
It might be helpful to have a notebook or journal and pen handy to record your thoughts, learning and questions as you read through the book.
Belief #1: Our Body Is Amazing
I am a physiologist and have studied human physiology both for my academic research and out there in the real world. Twenty or more years later, I’m still learning, but our body’s capacity to heal and self-regulate never ceases to amaze me.
I know many of the people who turn up at my clinic and in my therapy groups do so because they have lost faith in their body’s ability to be at rest and sleep. And if you’re feeling shattered due to sleepless nights then it’s likely that you too may find it hard to believe. But the simple fact is this: Your body, all 75 or so trillion cells, has an innate intelligence. Each cell contains about 10,000 times as many molecules as the Milky Way has stars.
Our ability to sleep is embedded within our DNA.
Your body knows how to sleep, so what’s gone wrong?
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