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growth hormones, proteins, and bacteria. Because of this passed-down immunity, breast-fed babies have fewer infections. Also, the fatty acids in breast milk boost neural development; breast-fed babies have higher IQs than formula-fed babies. It’s also better for you. Mothers who nurse have lower incidences of breast cancer and ovarian cancer.
They also have lower incidences of stress, due to higher oxytocin levels. But remember that oxytocin can mediate maternal aggression. Never come between a mama bear and her cubs, especially if she’s still nursing. Oxytocin turns down the fear response when it comes to being aggressive, so we’re not afraid to fight.
Breast milk has tryptophan, the building block for serotonin, which stimulates endorphin production in infants. Breast milk contains a collection of endorphins called galattorphins, and both baby and mother have higher endorphin levels just after nursing. Mammalian breast milk also contains cannabinoids, naturally occurring substances similar to cannabis, regardless of whether the nursing mother is or ever was a pothead. Goat milk has the highest levels of cannabinoids, but human breast milk definitely has them, too. Now you know why babies look so happy and sleepy after they nurse. Not only are cannabinoids in maternal milk, but the activation of the cannabinoid receptors is critical in priming the oral muscles necessary for suckling in newborns. When cannabinoid receptor antagonists are given to newborn mice, it completely inhibits suckling and growth in the pups, and they die within days of its administration. Formula-fed babies may get fatter for the same reason pot smokers have smaller waistlines than nonpartakers. Even though stoners might ingest more calories, it does not result in a higher body mass index. Cannabinoids in breast milk likewise help to regulate the baby’s metabolism.
One downside of nursing? Because of our increasingly contaminated environment, our breast milk now has appreciable levels of pollutants like flame retardants and polybrominated diethyl ethers (PBDEs). These can interfere with thyroid function and cause masculinizing features in our girls and feminizing ones in our boys. I still believe that the upsides, particularly the substances found only in breast milk, outweigh this horrific fact. But one more upside: you burn about thirty calories for every ounce of milk you produce. I ate like crazy during those early motherhood years and managed to lose the “baby fat” fairly quickly. I’d be pumping breast milk into a bottle, counting the calories as the ounces accumulated. Ten ounces were as good as a three-mile run!
Bonding
Attachment is crucial for our mates and our children, hence the postcoitus bump in oxytocin as well as those sustained high levels when nursing. The bonding hormone oxytocin is the glue that keeps mother and child together, mother and father together, and even father and baby together. Babies have oxytocin just like moms. Cuddling and nurturing produce elevated levels of oxytocin, calming their stress response. And it turns out that dads have oxy too. During the early phases of parenthood, cohabiting parents share elevated oxytocin levels, which are often interrelated. Although some men may be more likely to cheat when their mates are pregnant or are new mothers, it could be that if you allow your partner more time with his baby, his bond will be stronger not just with his child but with you as well. Vasopressin is the biggest factor in paternal behavior, helping a dad to protect his child and bond with its mother. Men have prolactin as well, which elevates as they hear their baby’s cry, just as a woman’s prolactin levels do.
Like other animals, and especially primates, we thrive on attachment and perish without it. Monkeys reared without physical contact with their mothers become violent and socially impaired as adults, their brain chemicals imbalanced after only a few days of separation from them. In laboratory animals, if a mother doesn’t respond to her pup’s distress call, the pup will die even if it’s fed. The type of attachment we receive early on will affect our emotional functioning thereafter. Maternal care in infancy affects anxiety regulation in the brain of the offspring. Any disruption of attachment in infancy can lead to exaggerated stress reactions down the road in adulthood. Unmet emotional needs will trigger a stress response not just in childhood but potentially throughout adulthood as well. This is important to remember not just in mothering but also in being an attentive wife or partner. Disrupting the attachment bond causes all sorts of heartbreak and behavioral upheaval whenever it happens.
Attunement to our children’s emotional states and needs helps us to fine-tune our relationship with them. When we give our children loving attention, we not only influence their brain circuitry but also affect their future relationships. When we’re distracted, stressed out, or unavailable, our children suffer for it. Down the line, they may choose partners who treat them similarly, reenacting those early separations.
A tuned-in parent can help produce a healthy child. What our kids need most is our genuine presence. For children today, it is confusing and traumatizing to have a parent’s face on a computer or smartphone screen most of the day. We may be physically present, but we are not emotionally available. It’s hard for toddlers to wrap their heads around that paradox, called proximate separation. I’m here, but I’m not really here for you. We need to engage deeply and authentically with our kids, provide an anchoring gaze, mirror their communications, and validate and empathize with their emotions and experiences. This takes attention and focus, which can’t be divided between their faces and our glowing devices.
Postpartum Depression
The biggest disrupter of early infant-mother bonding is severe depression, which may occur after delivery. I have a colleague whose mother committed suicide when he was four months old, convinced he’d be better off without her. It has colored his entire narrative; that attachment disruption was forever wired into his stress response and temperament.
Postpartum is a vulnerable time for women both pharmacologically and psychologically, and it’s common to be down. As many as 50 to 80 percent of women report a milder form of depression, sometimes called the baby blues, which may last a week or two. But roughly 10 to 15 percent have a true postpartum depression, disrupting functioning in a number of areas for at least two weeks: energy, appetite, sleep, and libido. More rare is a syndrome called postpartum psychosis, occurring in one out of a thousand deliveries, often accompanied by dangerous thoughts. I’ve interviewed new mothers in emergency rooms at Mount Sinai and Bellevue with a similar delusion, that their baby was the root of all evil, and if they could smother the baby, they’d save the world. Scary stuff, and those women had to be hospitalized and treated with antidepressants and short-term antipsychotics and were separated from