Kindness: The Little Thing that Matters Most. Jaime Thurston
we give people tangible help, the philosophy behind it goes much deeper than simply supplying goods or services. The people we help all say the same thing; that it wasn’t the ‘thing’ we gave them that changed their life, it was the kindness … the fact that complete strangers cared about them. The people we help are going through quite difficult times and when you’re in those situations, a little bit of kindness can make all the difference in the world.
A homeless asylum seeker from London called Maria was a perfect example of this. I read about Maria in a newspaper and contacted the journalist who wrote the article to see if we could help. Maria was raped, had fallen pregnant and was homeless.
With just weeks until her baby was due, she was lost in the system and receiving very little help from social services because of issues with her paperwork. She was finally given a room in a shared house just before her baby was born, but she had nothing and nobody to help her. I set up an Amazon wishlist for Maria and filled it with everything I could think of that she might need to care for her baby. I was actually a little worried we might not be able to help her – I was aware asylum can be a controversial issue and I thought I might end the week having to buy all the goods on the list myself! But I shared it on the 52 Lives website and stood back and watched as every single item on the list was bought – within an hour. These gifts helped Maria enormously, but more importantly, she didn’t feel alone any more. And this human connection is what changes lives. Not just for the person receiving but also the person giving. Kindness changes all of us.
David Hamilton, a best-selling author, doctor and expert in the science of kindness, has written so much about the benefits of being kind. Through his work and his books, he has managed to use science to explain what the rest of us perhaps knew intuitively but couldn’t verbalise – kindness makes us feel good, mentally and physically. I am a big fan of David’s and feel honoured to have his support for this book. Many of his facts and figures about the science of kindness are peppered throughout these pages.
The most important thing I think we can learn is that being kind doesn’t have to be about making grand gestures, or spending a lot of money or setting up your own charity – that’s not what changes the world. Doing something (doing anything) to help another human being is what changes the world. And so I have filled this book with 52 ideas for incorporating more kindness into your world, because kindness is essential for our collective well-being.
Whatever your political views, the last couple of years have been filled with turmoil and uncertainty. But we are not powerless. A famous anthropologist, Margaret Mead, once said: ‘Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.’ Her words sum up the whole philosophy of 52 Lives and the aim of this book. Our everyday actions determine the kind of world we live in; it’s the little things that matter most. So let’s choose kindness.
Unexpected kindness is a powerful thing. With just a few kind words, you can change someone’s entire day.
The people we care about the most are often the ones we forget to be kind to – we know they’ll love us anyway and forgive any grumpiness. But one simple sentence can change everything. You have the power with every comment you make, every day, to help lift those around you – and yourself in the process. Don’t underestimate the effect of a few kind words …
+ Tell your boss he or she inspires you
+ Tell your child you appreciate how hard they try
+ Tell your teacher they make coming to school fun
+ Tell your friends you love spending time with them
+ Tell your parents how much their support means to you
+ Tell your brother or sister you feel lucky to have them
+ Tell your partner they are the love of your life.
When someone is unkind to you, it’s tempting to stoop to their level. But much like kindness breeds kindness, hate breeds hate.
It’s the reason we often feel worse after an argument – being unkind, or being around unkindness, brings us down. If someone is being rude or angry, try to respond with kindness. It can change people’s attitudes and help them see the world as a lovely place again. Choosing to fight unkindness with kindness will also have a positive effect on your own well-being, so you have nothing to lose!
‘Being kind, receiving kindness or witnessing kindness makes us feel “elevated”. It’s the term psychologists use for the warm feeling we get. Studies show that elevation inspires people to be kind. So, when a person receives some kindness or even witnesses kindness, they feel elevated, and in turn, become extra kind themselves. Elevation is the feeling that causes kindness to be contagious.’
– David R. Hamilton, Ph.D., from The Five Side Effects of Kindness
Next time you go shopping, buy one extra thing at the supermarket and donate it to your local food bank.
‘I lie to my son. I tell him I’ve eaten during the day when I haven’t. I barely have any money for food after bills and rent. So when he gets home from college, I just say I don’t need to eat. But I can’t live like that for ever. Without the food bank, I don’t know what I would do. A friend had given me some shoes, and bits of clothing, but I didn’t have food. I hope that one day I’ll be able to pay back people’s kindness.’
– Jenny, a single mum with disabilities who relies on food banks to survive
Thousands of people rely on donations to feed their families. Feeding a hungry person is more than kindness – it’s basic humanity. Giving one small tin or packet might seem insignificant, but they mean everything to those