Slay In Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible. Yomi Adegoke
to politicians, to entrepreneurs to artists, black women in the UK continue to thrive against all odds and well outside of the world’s expectations. Women who look and talk like me, grew up in similar places to me, are shaping almost every societal sector, from the bottom and, finally, from all the way up at the top. All a younger Yomi would’ve wished for was the ability to learn from them; an older Yomi wishes for pretty much exactly the same thing.
If white women fear the glass ceiling, black women fear a seemingly impenetrable glasshouse. We’re blockaded from all sides and there is little to no literature on offer to advise us as to how we’re supposed to push on. So much is currently happening on an individual level to combat this, and it’s of paramount importance that it is recorded, noted and passed on. We almost never hear of the persistence, perseverance and drive that fosters such success. Perhaps more importantly, we rarely hear of the failures, the flops and the insecurities that black British women have managed to push through to get to where they are today. We rarely hear about black British women, full stop. And this silence can be just as damaging as the negativity of which we’re so often on the receiving end.
Throughout my teenage years I was a keen reader, and I am no anomaly – findings from a 2014 study by the National Literacy Trust show that black girls are more likely to read than any other ethnic group in the UK.1 Yet books rarely touch meaningfully on the black British experience – and even less so the black British female experience. As a part of this group, I have a vested interest in Slay In Your Lane that goes beyond simply wanting to write a book. I guess you could say that Elizabeth and I are writing this as much for ourselves as we are for other black women. Just like our peers, our friends and our sisters, we are still learning how to navigate the workplace, the dating world and life in general.
We’re not here to tell you that if you simply go for gold, put your mind to it and believe, that you can will yourself out of systemic racism. As pointed out by Elizabeth, even your parents would’ve no doubt once said that you’d have to work ‘twice as hard’ and meritocracy is a myth – and stats continually prove this. But what we are saying is that there is much empowerment and inspiration to be gained from the many women who have jumped over the very hurdles that you too will find yourself up against. There are practical ways to aid you to win, and admitting that there will be difficulties and challenges along the way doesn’t mean submitting to defeat. It means coming to battle armed and prepared.
‘I also remember thinking that there was often a double standard between the black girls and white girls in school. We were punished when they would be given second chances.’
Elizabeth
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‘For instance, there was the time the cheerleading club decided to give its annual “slave auction” a Django Unchained theme …’
Yomi
ELIZABETH
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‘Even today when I get into a taxi and someone says “What do you do?” and I say “I’m a space scientist”, they do a double take. I’m a woman and I’m black. “How come you’re a space scientist? That doesn’t add up.”’
Dr Maggie Aderin-Pocock MBE
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When I was 16 I thought I was going to fail all my GCSEs. The grades I had been predicted suggested that wasn’t going to be the case, but I still had a deep and looming fear that I wasn’t going to pass a single one. At home, the pressure to do well in school and in my exams was immense. Results day in my household was set to be an unfair cup final between two rival football teams: on one side were my parents, armed with all the best players and expecting straight As. On the other was me, with my mediocre players and a subpar defence, trying not to crumble under pressure and get annihilated. As the weeks passed and results day got ever closer, the tension increased, and so, to mitigate what I felt sure would be my parents’ imminent disappointment, and rather than wait to be caught out on the big day, I naively started to job hunt. With no GCSEs and no experience, I knew I was probably fighting a losing battle, but it still felt less frightening to me than the real battle that I was convinced I had coming my way on results day.
I partly grew up in Dulwich – a suburb of South London, home to Dulwich Picture Gallery. I would often pass the gallery, so I had noticed that they hosted a range of events aimed at their usual demographic – middle class, middle-aged and white – nothing that 16-year-old me particularly fancied. But I needed work experience, and I had an idea, so I went on Google, did a quick search and found the email address of the person who headed up the gallery’s events and marketing and sent her an email. In it, I said I believed their events could do with appealing more to young people. I asked to meet her and, much to my surprise, she agreed – obviously she had no idea she was arranging to see a teenager. On the day of the meeting, as I sat there waiting for her to arrive, I was so nervous. To say I felt out of my depth is an understatement. I was thinking, ‘This middle-aged white woman is not expecting some inexperienced 16-year-old black girl asking to be involved in her events.’ But when she did arrive she looked pleasantly surprised. It just so happened that during that summer the gallery was introducing outdoor cinema screenings, and she wanted my input to help bring the idea to life. And that’s what I spent my summer doing. It became my first experience in marketing.
Results day came and, much to my surprise, I did well and my parents were pleased. My panic had propelled me into finding work experience that would go on to prove valuable in my career, so I don’t regret that move, but looking back on that summer, what I do regret, and find depressing, is how I let my crippling fear of not doing well and letting other people down take over my life. Instead of making the most of those weeks I spent them waiting anxiously and fretting about my future. Why? Where did my lack of faith in myself come from? On balance, when I look back on it, the work experience was a good thing for me to do, it was just the circumstances that drove me to do it that were far from ideal.
In my school, unless you were identified as a gifted and talented student achieving straight As and exhibiting model behaviour, it was almost inevitable that you would fall through the cracks and be forgotten about. By the time it came to making decisions about your future, you could find yourself in a no-man’s land, caught between your parents’ very high expectations and the lower opinions of the teachers who doubted your ability – not forgetting the usual teenage peer pressures. For me, this self-doubt then developed into a loss of self-esteem, and anxiety crept in about what I was good at and how I could translate that into a future.
When the time came to take the exams, I had noticed that some of my friends didn’t believe they could possibly do well, so they just started to give up and misbehave – because this seemed to be what was expected anyway. This tension often became a ‘one-way ticket’ to disengagement, and so they began to succumb to that feeling – whether they had started out well-behaved and ambitious, or not. Being doubted by your teachers and put under great pressure from your parents created a sometimes toxic combination. The truth about educational achievements is often more complex than the stats suggest.
When the topic of race and education is covered by the media it is usually cast in an overwhelmingly negative light. When they aren’t focusing on the low achievement of white working-class boys, the experiences of ethnic minorities are characterised by low aspirations, high exclusion rates and subsequent underachievement. With black children, the spotlight