Masanin Kwarewa. Tarin gwanin ban dariya. СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски
ma kuna da buƙata, kuna yanke shi, Toad?
– Ooooh, ni?! Tambaya daga shit, shugaba, bari mu yi shi!! – Tsohon ya dauki numfashi mai zurfi kuma ya kunna wani sigari. – Saboda haka, Ina son kamar dan gaban goshi?!
– Da alama.
– Kuma yaushe farawa?
– Kuma yanzu ma, zan fada wa Arutun da Idota da kakanta Klavka suka kawo. Kuma ga Idot.
– Ka tuna da moron, zai bayyana.
Idot ya bayyana a ƙofar ƙofar.
– Lafiya dai, me kuka kawo? – Bedbug ya juya ga Kid.
– A cikin tsabar kudi.
– Nawa ne?
– Wasu ma’aurata sun isa?
– Isa isa, amma wannan ba duka bane. Zaka taimaki tsohon, zaiyi maka bayanin komai.
– To wannan? Lafiya lau, shugaba, yana da rauni.
– Zan fitar da idonka yanzu, amsa ga bazawara, zana? – kuma Toad ya ruga tare da Pitchfork, waɗanda ba su yi nesa ba, a Idot.
– Dakata! – Na sami bindiga na Idot. – Yanzu zan harbe ƙwai.
– Ohhh? Kuna tare da bindiga?
– Komai na halal ne, Shugaban. Baba ya bayar. Anan daga irin wannan katantanwa.
– Shin baku tsoro? Ga shi nan an kama shi. Zan iya kiran mahaifina? Ba zai yi muku yalwa ba, amma zai ba ku bututun ruwa, za ku tuna da shi tsawon rai. Kuma a ina kuka samo Toad cike yake da ramuka?
– Ee, kowa yayi magana a ƙauyen.
– Me kuke zubewa, fuskar Kalbit. Me yasa basa cewa piss a idanuna?
– Don haka, kwantar da hankali kuyi aiki, idan baku son matsaloli… Komai… Barci! Na ce: zaku yi aiki a wani wuri, lokaci!!! – gundumar janar Klop Ottila Aligadzhievich tayi kururuwa a tsakar gidan.
– Don haka yazh mahaukaci? – mamaki Idot.
– Lafiya. Bari mu fara daga farko: Wani irin akwati?
– Maina. Wato, mahaifin ya ba da.
– Shin akwai izini?
– Akwai.
– Duba shi. Amma ba ku yi hauka game da jihar ba, don haka kuka hayar da direban tarakta wanda zaiyi wannan hemp. Kuma kuyi aiki tare da shi.
– Kuma a nan ba zan. Ba za ku tabbatar ba.
– Ba zan tabbatar ba? Yanzu haka, akan Intanet, zan tura rakodin zuwa youtube na tattaunawar jiya kuma baba ba zai taimaka ba.
– Chervonets, daidai? – kara tsoho.
– Kuma kun rufe hailo, schmuck! – Idot kyauta.
– Bakwai, shuru. Ka gani, pimpochka? – Ottila ya nuna farkon kama a shinge. – Wannan kyamarar bidiyo ce. Kuna iya cewa barka da iyali.
Yaron bai ce komai ba.
– Toto, zo kuma a cikin awa daya a cikin tufafin aiki anan.
Kuna iya kawo uba. Ina fatan zai gamsu da sanin abin da dan sa yake yi. Magaji! Kuna iya lalata sunansa har abada.
– Babu buƙatar gaya wa uba. Zan yi aiki.
– Hakan yayi kyau. A ƙarshen aikin, zaku karɓi hasumiya. Kuma kun gaya wa mahaifinku cewa kun sami aiki tare da ni. Samu shi?
– Ee.
– Hakanan, je wurin Granny Klavka kuma kace na kira ta da sauri.
– Kuma idan ita bata zo ba?
– Ka ce zan kama ka a cikin dukkan tsananin doka.. Ka tafi.
Don haka mai gadin ya taru ya fara shirin dawo da sito, wanda, kamar ƙaya a ido, Ottila, kafin bugun zuciya, ya kasance yana fama da matsalar Isling har tsawon shekaru biyar yanzu. Kuma Bedbug ba zai iya ba ko baya son samun lokaci don wannan. Gabaɗaya, Ottila ɗan bidi’a ne, ko kuma, ya fi sauƙi a gare shi ya kama zaki fiye da gina ko tsabtace shanu. Ba da daɗewa ba Arutun ya zo da wuka Toad, kuma ba tare da waɗanda aka kama ba. A bayyane yake Claudia ta gargaɗi kowa ko waɗanda suka gaji. Daga nan sai jami’an tsaro suka zagaya garkunan ƙauyen don neman ɗan maraƙin da ya ɓace daga dangin Lidergos mai wadata. Abubuwan bincike ba su daɗe ba kuma an samo burenka a cikin ɗakin babban gidan talauci na Sarikulov. Amma dasa shugban mai gidan bai yi aiki ba. Ya shiga cikin ƙi da cin mutuncin yara kanana, sun ce, suna jin yunwa, cewa sun saci saniya, kuma maigidan bai san komai game da hakan ba, dalilin shine cin hanci na shekara-shekara. An dawo da Burenka, kuma an yi wa Sarikulov barazanar cewa ba da jimawa ba zai tashi ya shiga.
APULAZ 3
Washegari, Ottila ya farka daga zuciyar matsanancin matsakaicin ƙwararrun masu laifi wanda ya kunshi: Toad – nau’in gwarzon, Idot – ba a auna ƙarancin kwando da kaka Klava – tauraron ƙungiyar ba.
– A ina kuka jefa hukumar, wawa? – Oral Idot, ya soki kafafunsa da ƙusa.
– Kuma menene, kuna shiga cikin kwallaye? Tana kwance a ƙafa! – Toad ya roki uwargidan tana dariya.
– Kuna yi, jellyfish, mutu. – Idot ya amsa tsoho, – kuma ku, tsohuwar mace, har yanzu za ku jefa katako tare da ƙusoshin, Zan sa shi a cikin jaki.
– Duba, kar a dame da maganganu, musamman akan Zhabin! – bass ya tashi ba tare da kakarsa Klava ba.
– Saboda haka, masu yanke hukunci, cewa muna kururuwa, amma babu yaqi? – Ottila ya tambaya, yana murmushi mai wayo, wanda ya fita zuwa farfajiyar.
– Ee, wannan wawa ya warwatsa tsofaffin katakan, sai na sa ƙafa na. – Idot ya tafi da hankali.
– Kulawa sosai. Anan da yara na tafiya.
– Kuma menene, Saratu tuni tafiya? – Kakata Clavka ta yi farin ciki. – kuma yaya ciki ya ke faruwa? basu haihuwa ba tukuna?
– Abin takaici, kawai yana shiga cikin mafarki. – mai shi ya baci kuma aka dauke shi kai tsaye saboda kalmar «mai ciki». – Me kuka ce?
– Gafara dai, don Allah, amma abin farin ciki ne?! – tsohuwar matar tayi masu gafara.
– Zo a, sun riga sun yi murabus. Tana ƙarƙashin kulawar Dr. Smertiev, farfesa daga St. Petersburg. «Amma ban gane ba…» kuma Ottila ya fashe cikin lokaci.
– Daga wanene yake da ciki? tsohuwar mace ta fitar da iska.
– Taya kuka sani game da daukar ciki? – kwaro ya tambaya.
– Don haka duk ƙauyen ya sani kuma yasan daga waye. kaka ta ce da tabbaci.
– Kuma daga wa? ya tambayi Toad, yana matso jirgin daga bango.
– Don haka baku dandano ko menene? – kaka ta yi mamaki.
– Don haka kar Tomi, faɗi sunan, ’yar uwa, suna, ya amsa tsoho.
– Saboda haka danka, Izzy. – Tabbas tsohuwar mace ta ba da labari cikin murya.
– Ya ku, ba shit wa kanka, wargi! – don m Idot.
– Kuma kunyi shiru baki daya, wanda aka cutar dashi. – kaka ta hau kan yaran.
– Bakwai! – Bedbug ya gigice. – me yasa kai, kakarta Clavka, ka sami wannan? Wanene ya gaya maka wannan karkatacciyar koyarwa? – Ottila ya zama mara nauyi da duhu, kamar yadda ya kasance mai launin fata.
Makullin ya lulluɓe ya fara zama mafi muni, shekaru arba’in da haihuwa fiye da shekaru saba’in.
– Da kyau, ina tsammanin haka, – ya rufe Maɓallin kuma ya canza fuskokin fuskarsa, ya fara kama da yarinya mai shekaru goma sha uku da suka kalli madubi bayan sun rasa hankalinsu. Fatar ta ja da kuma gaskiyar lamarin ta ne kawai ta bakin bakin da babu hakora, inda kawai mai nuna bakar fata kamar kwal, hakori da kututture da ba’a gama su ba da wasu kararraki da suka