THE GREAT RUSSIAN PLAYS & SHORT STORIES. Ðнтон Чехов
them now. Besides, it's all bosh. I'd rather offer you my love instead, which ever since your first glance—[Moves his chair nearer.]
MARYA. Love? I don't understand love. I never knew what love is. [Moves her chair away.]
KHLESTAKOV. Why do you move your chair away? It is better for us to sit near each other.
MARYA [moving away]. Why near? It's all the same if it's far away.
KHLESTAKOV [moving nearer]. Why far? It's all the same if it's near.
MARYA [moving away]. But what for?
KHLESTAKOV [moving nearer]. It only seems near to you. Imagine it's far. How happy I would be, mademoiselle, if I could clasp you in my embrace.
MARYA [looking through the window]. What is that? It looked as if something had flown by. Was it a magpie or some other bird?
KHLESTAKOV [kisses her shoulder and looks through the window]. It's a magpie.
MARYA [rises indignantly]. No, that's too much—Such rudeness, such impertinence.
KHLESTAKOV [holding her back]. Forgive me, mademoiselle. I did it only out of love—only out of love, nothing else.
MARYA. You take me for a silly provincial wench. [Struggles to go away.]
KHLESTAKOV [still holding her back]. It's out of love, really—out of love. It was just a little fun. Marya Antonovna, don't be angry. I'm ready to beg your forgiveness on my knees. [Falls on his knees.] Forgive me, do forgive me! You see, I am on my knees.
SCENE XIII
The same and Anna Andreyevna.
ANNA [seeing Khlestakov on his knees]. Oh, what a situation!
KHLESTAKOV [rising]. Oh, the devil!
ANNA [to Marya]. What does this mean? What does this behavior mean?
MARYA. I, mother—
ANNA. Go away from here. Do you hear? And don't you dare to show your face to me. [Marya goes out in tears.] Excuse me. I must say I'm greatly astonished.
KHLESTAKOV [aside]. She's very appetizing, too. She's not bad-looking, either. [Flings himself on his knees.] Madam, you see I am burning with love.
ANNA. What! You on your knees? Please get up, please get up. This floor isn't very clean.
KHLESTAKOV. No, I must be on my knees before you. I must. Pronounce the verdict. Is it life or death?
ANNA. But please—I don't quite understand the significance of your words. If I am not mistaken, you are making a proposal for my daughter.
KHLESTAKOV. No, I am in love with you. My life hangs by a thread. If you don't crown my steadfast love, then I am not fit to exist in this world. With a burning flame in my bosom, I pray for your hand.
ANNA. But please remember I am in a certain way—married.
KHLESTAKOV. That's nothing. Love knows no distinction. It was Karamzin who said: "The laws condemn." We will fly in the shadow of a brook. Your hand! I pray for your hand!
SCENE XIV
The same and Marya Antonovna.
MARYA [running in suddenly]. Mamma, papa says you should—[seeing Khlestakov on his knees, exclaims:] Oh, what a situation!
ANNA. Well, what do you want? Why did you come in here? What for? What sort of flightiness is this? Breaks in like a cat leaping out of smoke. Well, what have you found so wonderful? What's gotten into your head again? Really, she behaves like a child of three. She doesn't act a bit like a girl of eighteen, not a bit. I don't know when you'll get more sense into your head, when you'll behave like a decent, well-bred girl, when you'll know what good manners are and a proper demeanor.
MARYA [through her tears]. Mamma, I really didn't know—
ANNA. There's always a breeze blowing through your head. You act like Liapkin-Tiapkin's daughter. Why should you imitate them? You shouldn't imitate them. You have other examples to follow. You have your mother before you. She's the example to follow.
KHLESTAKOV [seizing Marya's hand]. Anna Andreyevna, don't oppose our happiness. Give your blessing to our constant love.
ANNA [in surprise]. So it's in her you are—
KHLESTAKOV. Decide—life or death?
ANNA. Well, there, you fool, you see? Our guest is pleased to go down on his knees for such trash as you. You, running in suddenly as if you were out of your mind. Really, it would be just what you deserve, if I refused. You are not worthy of such happiness.
MARYA. I won't do it again, mamma, really I won't.
SCENE XV
The same and the Governor in precipitate haste.
GOVERNOR. Your Excellency, don't ruin me, don't ruin me.
KHLESTAKOV. What's the matter?
GOVERNOR. The merchants have complained to your Excellency. I assure you on my honor that not one half of what they said is so. They themselves are cheats. They give short measure and short weight. The officer's widow lied to you when she said I flogged her. She lied, upon my word, she lied. She flogged herself.
KHLESTAKOV. The devil take the officer's widow. What do I care about the officer's widow.
GOVERNOR. Don't believe them, don't believe them. They are rank liars; a mere child wouldn't believe them. They are known all over town as liars. And as for cheating, I venture to inform you that there are no swindlers like them in the whole of creation.
ANNA. Do you know what honor Ivan Aleksandrovich is bestowing upon us? He is asking for our daughter's hand.
GOVERNOR. What are you talking about? Mother has lost her wits. Please do not be angry, your Excellency. She has a touch of insanity. Her mother was like that, too.
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, I am really asking for your daughter's hand. I am in love with her.
GOVERNOR. I cannot believe it, your Excellency.
ANNA. But when you are told!
KHLESTAKOV. I am not joking. I could go crazy, I am so in love.
GOVERNOR. I daren't believe it. I am unworthy of such an honor.
KHLESTAKOV. If you don't consent to give me your daughter Marya Antonovna's hand, then I am ready to do the devil knows what.
GOVERNOR. I cannot believe it. You deign to joke, your Excellency.
ANNA. My, what a blockhead! Really! When you are told over and over again!
GOVERNOR. I can't believe it.
KHLESTAKOV. Give her to me, give her to me! I am a desperate man and I may do anything. If I shoot myself, you will have a law-suit on your hands.
GOVERNOR. Oh, my God! I am not guilty either in thought or in action. Please do not be angry. Be pleased to act as your mercy wills. Really, my head is in such a state I don't know what is happening. I have turned into a worse fool than I've ever been in my life.
ANNA. Well, give your blessing.
Khlestakov goes up to Marya Antonovna.
GOVERNOR. May God bless you, but I am not guilty. [Khlestakov kisses Marya. The Governor looks at them.] What the devil! It's really so. [Rubs his eyes.] They are kissing. Oh, heavens! They are kissing. Actually to be our son-in-law! [Cries out, jumping with glee.] Ho, Anton! Ho, Anton! Ho, Governor! So that's the turn events have taken!
SCENE XVI
The same and Osip.
OSIP. The horses are ready.