Letters to the Dead: Things I Wish I'd Said. Ann Palmer
“The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner” or any other long poem, etc. I could not understand the early English writers, including Shakespeare or Revelations in the bible. My lowest grades were in English. With my Texas upbringing, I never had confidence in grammar or spelling (those dang spelling bees were so intimidating!) Neither parent finished high school much less college. My mother could spell well because of lifelong crossword puzzles. In college I failed English because I found preparing my dress for a formal dance far more essential than my term paper. It was an automatic failing grade if all ten were not turned in; I missed one. My college major was more socializing and my major was art and Home Economics. When asked what kind of degree I wanted, my reply was a Mrs. From early youth, the only reading I enjoyed was fairy tales, which set a pattern for my life long romantic search for Prince Charming only today he’d have gray hair, if he existed, which he does not. My life had been an adventure – filled with glamour, excitement, travel et al but far more than my share of grief, loneliness, heartaches, hurts and disappointments. When you reach for a star, you must be prepared to fall many times! In my glamour career period I would describe it as a seesaw of hopes and disappointments. This adventure – called my life is my qualification to write – I hope you enjoy my sharing it with you and that after reading Letters to the Dead: Things I Wish I’d Said you will feel that know each of these individuals on a more personal echelon and go out and rent one of their films.
My Thoughts
Why must we die? This must be a question many of us ask ourselves. Some say the world would be too overly populated to support the entire population but sometimes I think -- wouldn’t it be better if we could keep the good ones we already have and slow down creating new ones, especially those today filled with such hate and desire to destroy anything they do not understand and resent. It seems to me that some people worked so hard to develop his/her talents only to be snuffed out in their prime - Natalie - Grace - David - Steve - so many others and not only in the film industry; like our Astronauts, our dedicated soldiers, etc.
As we grow older it feels like a month becomes a week, a year a month; we see our lives and years whizzing by. The numbers of departed friends increase and we realize that each day we are one step closer to our own demise. Even when people have had a beautiful out-of-the-body or near-death experiences, very few are ever ready to leave physical life just yet - they just fear death less.
If only for brief moments, we can have an opportunity to meet that special person - someone we honor or admire. In my Texas youth living in small towns, I could never imagine ever meeting, dating or working with film stars and celebrities, many known to me all through childhood via films. When I take time to recall my many years in the motion picture and television industry, I seem to have had my share of these exhilarating encounters.
During my years as a struggling actress, I could never realize how quickly our heroes and icons pass away or die early deaths, then all too soon to be almost or totally forgotten. Even I had to struggle to remember some of the names mentioned here within. My hope is that this book may bring back pleasant moments of times past of many wonderful movies and a favorite stars, along with a little personal memories of mine that one can share and possibly feel a bit closer or that you also knew the personalities in each of these letter.
We think of all the things that we wish we could have said to them. Or, after a death of a loved one, we think of all the things we never said. These are the letters reminiscing over experiences with each, the thoughts and things I might have said or say to them now in the life beyond death. By no means do I wish to imply that all were “bosom buddies” – many were one-time meetings only, others were close relationships. It is my hope while reading these letters and the films listed that readers will recall their own memories, maybe inspired to do their own Internet research on their favorite actor, perhaps rent old movies to see what great actors, scripts and productions were available in a “sweeter time” in the film industry – a time when there was so much less violence in films without computerized explosions, bodies being blown apart, horrible fighting, all of which I find very difficult to enjoy, thus I prefer to watch the older happy times. This is my last tribute to many of those wonderful souls that passed through my life that I honor in this way ---Letters to the Dead: Things I Wish I’d Said.
This Is How It All Began...
ORSON WELLES – birth name George Orson Welles
Height 6’ 1”
Birth: May 6th, 1915 - Kenosha, Wisconsin
Death: October 10th, 1985 - Hollywood, California, (heart attack)
He was born on the same day that Babe Ruth hit his very first home run and died on the same day as Yul Brynner. Orson’s ashes were buried inside an old well covered by flowers, on the rural property of Antonio Ordonez, retired bullfighter, Ronda, Malaga, Spain.
Dear Orson Welles,
Residing in our own body - our own personal world - no matter WHO we are, how famous or unknown we may be, we each have our individual insecurities in one way or another. On a TV program, I heard your daughter say that you talked about famous creators throughout time but that you did not feel you were one or that you were ever appreciated as one of them. That was incredible information when I, along with millions of others, think of you as one of the all time greatest creators ever to be, a true icon of the film industry.
Life in Hollywood has always been on first name basis. I realized this practice had evolved to make everyone feel at ease. Given that it is more natural to become uptight and stressed out, no matter what his or her talent or ability may be in front of or behind the camera, with so much money riding on those talents or abilities, first names and joke telling helps everyone relax. When I met you at CBS, working on Playhouse 90 I was so in awe of you, I had to call you “Mr. Welles” – no first name basis. I noticed others referred to you as “Mr. Welles” also. Of all the actors I have met, dated or worked with, you, above all others, I did had the greatest admiration. The masterful aura that surrounded you seemed to require referring to you with the utmost respect. It wasn’t only little unimportant-actress-me, but the whole crew and actors called you Mr. Welles, an unusual occurrence in film or TV. It was not that you demanded it. It was simply that every one had such high regard for you. I recall your magnificent stature and how we all gathered around you, hanging on your every word. Even though you were 6’1” – you seemed much taller as you were just simply “larger than life.”
Your unorthodox individuality in the controlling world of studio executives did not always set well in Hollywood – as, in 1970 when you were to be presented with an honorary Academy Award. You were unable to attend because you were supposed to be on location in Spain. In truth, you were entertaining friends in your home in Hollywood.
Your creativity and innovative genius was perhaps before its time. I assume that today much of the government’s cover-up regarding UFO information is a result of your 1938 radio broadcast “The War of the Worlds” that created chaos and panic across the country. Your first Hollywood contract stirred the industry when you “didn’t want money - but wanted authority.” Your 1940 “Citizen Kane” is one of the all time great classics in the motion picture industry. You were always on the cutting edge of applying innovative and imaginative uses of equipment. What a field day you would have today with all the new digital and computerized effects and equipment.
Anyone as creative and confident as you were was bound to make enemies in the industry permeated with jealousy. Your marriage to Rita Hayworth must have created jealousy, too. What a fiery match that must have been! Studios feared anyone having as much power as you did in your films; as director, writer, and star. You were forever writing or planning film projects. You were unbelievably avant garde and revolutionary is so many ways. Even your makeup convincingly aged you in films like Citizen Cane. You had an undeserved reputation of being a commercial failure, an irresponsible director, and a spendthrift. Throughout the