Mr. Brandon's School Bus. Tom Brandon
you crying, Mr. Brandon?”
At this same moment, we passed a cemetery and she said, “There are a lot of people out there. Do you miss your mom and dad?” I replied, “My mom and dad are still alive.” A moment’s hesitation and she tried another approach, “How about your grandma and grandpa?”
Then, the little hand returned to patting me and she said, “Mr. Brandon, do you get frustrated sometimes?”
I think her career path has already been chosen.
What Could Have Been
As the bus climbed the small hill approaching a rather challenging young man’s house, no one was standing at the end of the drive. My breathing slowed and I gritted my teeth, trying to hold back the emotions.
I slowed the bus to a stop. Still no one. I fought back the dream of what the ride might be like. A few more seconds went by. Still no one.
The sun came through the trees. The wheat in the fields was golden, and the birds began to sing. My heart leapt with joy. My foot moved from the brake to the accelerator.
In that very moment of delight, the front door flew open and out he ran, followed by his little brother. I looked to the heavens and said, “Now, Lord, that was just mean.”
Sir Isaac
Newton is well known for his three “Laws of Motion.” Less well known are Brandon’s “Laws of Buses.”
1. Law of Speed and Digestion: The faster you need to get off the bus and do something else, the better the chance someone will throw up, requiring you to spend a little more quality time on the bus. Also related is the fact that the sicker a rider is, the further his house or school will be.
2. Law of Behavior and Attendance: The more discipline problems a student is involved in, the greater the chance they will have perfect attendance. This law has proven equally true in the classroom.
3. Law of Directionality: When driving an unfamiliar route, the first student to get off the bus knows the route best. The student who gets off last not only does not know the route, but does not even know his or her own address.
Lookin’ Good
Dressed to the T’s and all grins, it had to be kindergarten graduation. As they came to the bus, they wanted you to see how dressed up they were, so at the top of the steps each paused for inspection.
A little girl, in curls done by her personal-hairdresser Mom, had to show me her new dress, the latest in fashion in north Alabama, new shoes normally reserved for church, and earrings just like a grown-up. She said, “Mr. Brandon, I bet you didn’t even recognize me.”
One little boy showed me his new tie and even bent over to let me smell his hair gel. I said, “Man, you look sharp today. You getting married or are you preaching today?”
He just flashed a missing-half-my-teeth smile and said, “I’m all tucked in and lookin’ good.”
New Grade, New Experiences
Mr. Mucus got on the bus all excited about going to the first grade. First, he patted me on the shoulder and reassured me that I was still his buddy. I looked to make sure nothing sticky was left behind.
Then he told me how things would be different in the first grade. He said, “In kindergarten, we had cubbies to put our stuff in, and in your room they have lockers. In first-grade, we have hookers.”
I was hoping he just meant hooks, but just in case, I made a trip past the first-grade rooms that day.
Don’t Shoot
Anyone who has been around Hot Pickle Boy for any length of time knows that he is one of the greatest untapped resources for natural gas in the United States. Trust me, when he steps up beside you, grins, and says, “I’m fix’n to pull the trigger on this thing,” it’s not going to be pleasant.
Academic Excellence
Walmart has nothing on our bus. We also have our own greeter. One morning as other students boarded the bus, a first-grader said, “Welcome to Walnut Grove Usafurtee.” “You-say-fur-tee?” I replied. “What’s a Usafurtee?”
“You know, like Alabama Usafurtee.”
“You mean Alabama University?” I said.
“Yes, Walnut Grove Usafurtee,” he repeated.
We have always strived to increase our academic excellence at Walnut Grove, and apparently we had moved up several levels. I understood all we needed to make it official was a contract for collegiate wear.
Rumor had it there was already an NCAA investigation into our athletic program for possible recruiting violations involving a new bicycle and preferential seating on the school bus.
Random Thoughts—World Peace
We live in an amazing world!
Though I do not consider myself old, I have had the privilege of being around for a number of years. In those years I have seen many amazing changes.
I have seen the day when the best thing you could purchase for your child’s education was a set of encyclopedias that took up a substantial amount of space. Now we just Google it. I have watched all three channels on a black and white TV while serving as my father’s remote control. Now you can miss an hour-long program that you wanted to watch on your 72-inch high-definition television, because it took so long to go through the 900 available channels.
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