The Art of Taking It Easy. Brian King
first learned how to twerk, the instructions on how to make that booty twerk, and everything else related to twerking or otherwise that you store up there.
Stimulating those neurons also lets the brain know that a particular connection is still relevant to your life. However, under-stimulated connections are probably no longer relevant and if they are under-stimulated long enough, they can be lost. Therefore, an inactive connection is one that may not exist in the future, and an inactive network is at risk as well. Without regular activity, parts of our brain are at risk. You have probably heard the phrase, “Use it or lose it”—well, there is a reason you forgot most of what you learned in college (it was actually your Ansel Adams poster). The brain does not like to be inactive.
So now you can imagine that inactivity is an uncomfortable condition for the brain. You may not experience this condition as uncomfortable, you might just label it as boredom. Usually, the outside world provides the brain with plenty of stimulation, but sometimes it does not and the brain has to stimulate itself. Worry is one way that the brain can generate its own activity. Yes, worry relieves boredom. And I believe this is why most worrying occurs.
Think about it. If you are a worrier, when do you worry? You probably don’t worry when your brain is actively engaged in some task. You probably don’t worry when you are focused on an activity, deep in thought, or being thoroughly entertained. More than likely, you worry when you have time on your hands or when your brain is not otherwise occupied. You worry to relieve boredom, which should be no surprise, as boredom already motivates a lot of behavior that people would prefer to change. People eat when they are bored. People drink when they are bored. Some people smoke to give their brains and hands something to do. Some people pick fights, get angry, or just stir things up. And some people worry. In other words, you worry to give your brain something to do. It probably doesn’t matter if it’s the kids, the economy, or something on the news, if you are a worrier and your brain is in need of some activity, you will find something to worry about.
So now that you (hopefully) understand why you worry, what can you do about it? In the simplest terms, changing a behavior usually involves understanding why you do it and finding a suitable alternative. Because worrying relieves inactivity by giving the brain something to do, if you want to worry less you should find something else for your brain to do. But then what could possibly be a suitable alternative to worrying? How about literally anything else!
When you feel the onset of worrisome thoughts, understand that your brain needs some of that sweet, sweet activity and give it some. Read a book. Take a walk. Do the dishes. Clean the living room. Watch a good TV show. Start a conversation with someone (just don’t talk about the thing you are worried about). Anything, literally anything! To overcome worry you have to redirect your train of thoughts. Change the channel in your brain.
In most cases, a simple distraction can be exactly what we need. Distraction is even a common practice in therapy. Whenever Sarah, a therapist, has a patient who is ruminating so much that they are having a hard time focusing on therapy, she finds some way to redirect their thoughts by changing the subject to something positive. She’ll start talking with them about their grandchildren or their favorite music, and it helps take their mind off their worries for a moment. She does the same with our daughter—whenever Alyssa is upset, Sarah is really good at refocusing her attention to help her calm down.
Redirecting your brain may sound easy to do, and relatively speaking it is, but it requires awareness. The problem many of us have is that once we start worrying, those thoughts consume us and we just keep fueling the fire with more. But, if we have enough awareness to realize that we are heading down that path, we can consciously interrupt the flow by introducing an alternate route. When my mind starts to be dominated by stress, I like to take a drive. I find that driving helps me calm down and gather my thoughts. You may find something else works for you, as long as you are changing the channel.
And skimmers, here you go:
Learning to keep our brain active can help us avoid excessive worrying.
It is hard to stop worrying. But the good thing is that at least you have options. You have a lot of options. There is practically no limit to what you can do to satisfy your brain’s need for activity as an alternative to worrying. Unfortunately, too often the behavior we desire to change has few, if any, suitable alternatives, like worrying has. In those cases, we just have to find a way to manage life without, and that is super tough. For example, my brain loves when I eat ice cream and loves to dish out cravings for it. Now, let me ask you, what could possibly be a suitable alternative to eating ice cream? I’ll give you a hint, there is no alternative to ice cream! The pleasure my brain receives from my eating ice cream is not matched by my eating any other substance (don’t even try to convince me that Froyo tastes basically the same). When my brain wants ice cream the only thing that will satisfy it is ice cream.22 What am I going to do, eat kale? Even kale-flavored ice cream is gross. If I want to overcome my love of ice cream, I have to learn how to live without it. And that is no easy task, because even lactose intolerance fails to convince my brain that eating ice cream is any less awesome. Worrying may be a tough behavior to overcome, but at least you have plenty of alternatives.
I should also note that not everyone worries when their brain needs something to do. People also have positive responses to boredom as well. Some people exercise. Some people, myself included, daydream or do something creative. When my mind wanders, I sometimes come up with jokes. If Sarah is with me, I’ll test them out on her and if she laughs they might make it into my comedy act. I have been known to spontaneously write poetry or make up song lyrics, not that any of those are ever any good (Sarah can attest to that), but these are some of the activities that give my brain something to do when it’s bored.
What Happens to Our Bodies During Stress?
I first met my partner, Sarah, in Gainesville, Florida. I was touring through the state doing seminars on stress or happiness or whatever, and she was one of a few hundred people who saw me on that stop. She is an occupational therapist, and was attending to gain some insight that might help her with her clients. A few years later, we had a baby. I think she got her money’s worth.
Sarah is beautiful, intelligent, kind, and funny. (Of course she is, how else could she have landed this prize of a man?) She is also very happy, healthy, and extremely resilient. However, sometimes, even the best of us go through a rough period. She often tells the story about a few years before we met, when she went to see a doctor for an annual physical. All of her test results, blood values, and body weight were within normal limits. On paper she was perfectly healthy. However, at the time she had been having some general pain issues, including her joints and in one shoulder. She was also suffering from frequent migraines.
Her doctor looked at everything; she asked Sarah about her lifestyle and in particular about her home life, work, and daily commute. She suspected that there must be something that Sarah was doing at that point in her life that was causing these issues. Perhaps something was causing stress that was leading to these issues. The doctor said, “If you stop to think about it, I bet you know exactly what it is.” It took Sarah less than two seconds to identify the source of her stress.
Several months before, Sarah had taken a contract job to work at a facility over an hour away from her home; some days she spent up to three hours commuting through traffic. She reported to a difficult boss, a micromanager type, who, by constantly checking up on Sarah’s work, made her feel as if she wasn’t doing her job. She also received no recognition for exceptional work, or praise when praise was due. For example, she once saved the life of a client using CPR, an act that several nurses at the facility felt was commendable enough to tell her boss about. And . . . nothing. Not even a pat on the back.
Realizing that the stress was affecting her health, Sarah put in her notice immediately. To help survive her remaining time, she started practicing breathing exercises and power poses at the start of her shift, and made a point to leave the building to take a walk at lunch. After work hours, she danced tango