Psychological Problems and Their Big Deceptions. David W. Shave
in optimistic people, as opposed to not lighting up in pessimistic people. That’s just more “kabuki psychology.” It’s in the brain’s mind where those optimistic feelings arise, not the brain’s specific parts that only secondarily may light up on neuro-imaging!
Traumatic events do happen to all us for they are a part of life. Life is such that some days will be “good” days, when more of our basic emotional need is being met, and some days will be “bad” days when more of our basic emotional need is being frustrated. Many traumatic events are unavoidable, like the loss to death of good friends and cherished relatives, which will always be major frustrations of our basic emotional need even if we might feel they have gone on to some “perfect place.” By meeting well our basic emotional need through group talking, we can contend better with any misfortune. Any traumatic event can later be more easily put behind us when we continue to be involved in group talking. With an inadequate meeting of our basic emotional need, too much stored anger, and too little emotional strength, any traumatic event will appear magnified to us, and appear more psychologically disabling. The traumatic event most likely won’t appear as later put behind us if we’re not adequately meeting our basic emotional need. A remembered traumatic event of the distant past might superficially appear as continuing to be an emotional problem, when it may not be at all. The remembered event (like someone’s remembered combat years ago) may hide the real problem that we’re not currently meeting our basic emotional need adequately enough to be emotionally comfortable, and not currently getting rid of our recently accumulated anger, but are storing too much of it in that now remembered traumatic event of the distant past.
Our high level of an unmet basic emotional need that we might have now, which might have been unrecognizably engendered from recently experiencing multiple small frustrations where we didn’t have the means or opportunities to lower that level, can become equated in our unconscious, by some commonly shared predicate, as we saw in the last chapter, to a distantly past time in our lives when our basic emotional need was recognizably unmet to a similar high degree from a single major traumatic event. It’s the unrecognized situation we currently have, where we have a very uncomfortably unmet basic emotional need, and that well recognized major traumatic event of our distant past, that temporarily might have given us at that distant time, a similar level of an unmet basic emotional need, that initiates the unconscious equating. The commonly shared predicate, that equates that major well-remembered traumatic event of our distant past, and the unrecognized situation we currently have where our basic emotional need is similarly unmet, might be, “feeling very emotionally uncomfortable,” “feeling overwhelmed by stress,” “feeling hopeless,” “feeling pain,” or any other feeling shared in common by that major traumatic event of our distant past, and by our current situation. We could then erroneously attribute the feelings we have now, as being entirely due to the now remembered traumatic event of our distant past, which would be a big deception. An example of this is a man, sexually abused as a child by his parish priest, and who later very uncomfortably remembers that past time when, for whatever recognized and unrecognized combination of reasons, he again becomes emotionally uncomfortable to a similar level. He may then feel his now being so emotionally uncomfortable is due to his being sexually abused by a priest many years ago, when it’s not! But it can make a very good “logical-sounding” rationalization for currently being emotionally uncomfortable that many people would readily accept.
It isn’t necessary for us to have a recognizable single traumatic event in the present, to equate with a recognizable single traumatic event of our distant past. What can be equated are two different times where we have the same level of an unmet met basic emotional need, and the same level of stored anger. One from a very recognizable time of our distant past, and the other from what we may have unrecognizably accumulated recently. The unconscious predicate-equating is the very reason that any long past traumatic event can then come out of our subconscious and become remembered, and where that same traumatic event may now appear in recurrent thoughts and dreams. It’s the unconscious predicate-equating that allows us to unconsciously store recently engendered anger in a dislike of our distant past, that then can cause us to be more emotionally uncomfortable as though from that remembered dislike. Since what has made us so very emotionally uncomfortable in the present may be unrecognizable to us because of it being a result of a gradual accumulation of an uncomfortable level of both an unmet basic emotional need, and the stored anger from “part”-oriented frustrations of our basic emotional need, we can’t logically talk about the specific causes of that accumulation. We may want to talk about that equated long past traumatic event as though that’s the very reason for our currently being so emotionally uncomfortable. What we might present in regard to that long past traumatic event of our past, as a cause for our now being so emotionally uncomfortable, is a faulty conclusion.
What might be logically presented as a cause for our now being emotionally uncomfortable, as due to some event of our distant past, involves the same predicate-equating process that can occur when our basic emotional need is currently being exceptionally well met, and a memory of a very pleasant relationship, experience, or situation of the distant past seems to come recurrently to mind. Our remembered very pleasant event from our distant past, when our basic emotional need was exceptionally well met, and the very pleasant situation of our having our basic emotional need exceptionally well met now, can become equated. What equates the two might be the predicate “making me exceptionally happy,” or any similar feeling. Our basic emotional need being exceptionally well met now, may not be from our experiencing in the present a single very pleasant recognizable event, but rather may be due to an unrecognized gradual accumulation of meeting exceptionally well, our basic emotional need on the unconscious level, from multiple parts of current pleasurable relationships, experiences, and situations. Our currently accumulating an exceptionally well met basic emotional need, on an unrecognized “part”-oriented basis, from the circumstances we currently have, may bring to mind, by predicate-equating, a recognizable distantly past very pleasurable experience from our subconscious which had a similar level of happiness. It would be erroneous for us to conclude that the well-remembered pleasurable event of the past is the very reason we feel so good now, and the very reason we may be having pleasant recurrent thoughts and pleasant dreams of that distantly past happy time. The only reason we feel so happy now is because our basic emotional need is being so well met now. It’s not at all because of that long past pleasurable event, or any of those similarly equated pleasant things, people, experiences, or situations of the distant past that may now be recurrently coming into our thoughts and dreams, by unconscious predicate-equating.
When our basic emotional need is currently being exceptionally well met, there may be “triggers” in what we might observe of our reality, that seemingly are able to bring to mind pleasant memories of a single very pleasant event that might have met exceptionally well our basic emotional need in the distant past. The “trigger,” whatever it might be, and that pleasant memory of the distant past, become equated in our unconscious mind with our current situation by some commonly shared predicate. That very happy time in our distant past may then be what we might want to enjoyably talk about to our friends as though it is the very reason for our now feeling so happy. Our present state of having our basic emotional need so well met, which might be unrecognizably well met from being predominantly met on a “part”-oriented basis, is made more understandable to us, and to others, by the rationalization we might unconsciously present of the very happy event of the distant past that was recognizably experienced by us at that time. It’s like we’re saying, “This is how and why I’m feeling so happy now so let me tell you all about it,” when it’s not the reason for our feeling so happy now, any more than very unpleasant memories of our distant past would be the reason for our currently feeling so unhappy!
Because a traumatic emotional event is less of a frustration of our basic emotional need, when that need is being adequately met than it is when it is being inadequately met, our extended talking with friends is of great importance. With more emotional strength, from more extended talking with friends, we can be better prepared not only for unexpected emotionally traumatic events we might encounter that we might easily recognize, but can be, just as importantly, also better prepared for any “part”-oriented frustrations of our basic emotional need that won’t be recognized. With a poorly met basic emotional need, unrecognized frustrations of our basic emotional need can become exaggerated in how they are unconsciously